Jonnyy Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 So here is my most recent thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t295827/ Today, i was talking to a buddy of mine who ive come real close with the past couple months since he has literally gone throught the same exact thing as me as far as break ups go. But anyway, i was talking to him and he said he talked to his ex for like an hour yesterday. I asked why and he told me that he just thought she would be nervous on her first day of college so he just texted her and told her goodluck and such. Hes been moving on really well after the breakup and is doing an awesome job of keeping his mind off of his ex by dating and other things. At least i think hes dating. He also said he started wishing she would stop texting him after awhile cuz it reminded him of like when they were dating, so completely understandable. But, being the nice guy that i am, i also texted my ex saying, "hope your classes are going good and you wont have too much trouble. Goodluck tmrw with the rest of them." she sent me a text back saying "thanks you too" I never texted back after that because i didnt want to get caught up in small talk. I guess what im looking for here is if you guys think that i did good. Like, is this a good lasting impression i guess? I want to leave the door open for reconciliation in the future. What do you guys think about this?
Dblock10 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 her reply was polite. nothing more to it i guess i know what you mean about wanting to leave the door open though.. its this that is making me debate whether to send my ex a txt on the day she leaves to travel for 6 months. but then at the same time i wouldnt want a generic txt back or maybe she wouldnt txt at all :S im so confused what to do. i think you did the mature thing though. now you must move on and forget her ?
Author Jonnyy Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 I feel as though i did the mature thing as well. I felt like the bigger person and was very kind and professional. I really do not plan on contacting her at all unless she contacts me first although i never know when that will be. I feel as though she will evenutally come back to me however i am by no means waiting for her. I am living my life and just exploring the dating world and the college experience for myself.
gbadboy Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 It's always a good thing to leave a good lasting impression? Why because it's stuff like that they'll remember down the road when they think of you - that is , "our last encounter we had he was so nice and friendly" If you are second guessing yourself, imagine if the reverse were true. Would you feel good leaving a bad last impression? Maybe in the heat of the moment it may have felt like the right thing, but you would have regretted it weeks later. So yea, always good to leave a good impression , especially if you want to leave the door open to reconcilliation (weather they walk through that door is up to them obviously but good to leave it open nonetheless if you really want them)
M2155 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I think it's not a big deal. My ex an I had an exchange a couple weeks after our breakup which was left 'friendly' (which is was) but that is NOT what I will remember. I tried that too and getting those generic responses wouldn't make me feel much better. Remember, they are trying to forget about you as much as you are trying to forget about them. That said, if it made you feel better to make a nice gesture, then by all means there was no harm. But don't analyze it to death becasue at the end of the day, it is not that big of a deal. You said to her what 5 other people probably said to her as well. If I don't wish my ex a happy birthday for example, do you think he's thinking "gee, she didn't even wish me happy birthday"? No because he's not thinking about me anymore. I'm not trying to downplay it, but just be aware your gesture probably meant a lot more to you than it did to her. For her it says "hey I'm still thinking about you." So if you did it from the kindess of your heart with no expectation of anything return, then it was the right thing for you.
radiodarcy Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 it's always nice to leave on an even-keeled, if not good note. i could care less about what my ex thinks of me. but for me, it was important that i go out with as little drama and tears as possible because i had lost enough of my dignity in those 2.5 years. but once i said my piece that was it. i had no desire to contact him on any special days like his birthday or fathers day (we didn't have any kids together, but he has a son with his ex-wife and i know how important he is to him). for me, once it was over it was over -- going back - - even to say so much as a happy birthday would have been too hard for me because it would have brought back those all too familiar expectations that were so painful to begin with.
lucacoleman Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Don't worry much about it. If you stress yourself about it, it will come out as forced. Just keep things casual but more personal.
Author Jonnyy Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 I havnt stressed about it at all actually and i havnt analyzed it one bit surprisingly. I really did only do it out of the kindness of my heart because thats just who i am. I like to think of myself as a very nice, sweet, and overall good person. I really wasnt even looking for a reply when i said it. My last impression of her really isnt good at all so i figured i would just be the bigger person and actually say something nice, which she has yet to do. Anyways, I feel like starting a journal on here maybe because this site has done so much for me during this rough time for me. Any advice on how to handle her next form of contact with me?
radiodarcy Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I havnt stressed about it at all actually and i havnt analyzed it one bit surprisingly. I really did only do it out of the kindness of my heart because thats just who i am. I like to think of myself as a very nice, sweet, and overall good person. I really wasnt even looking for a reply when i said it. My last impression of her really isnt good at all so i figured i would just be the bigger person and actually say something nice, which she has yet to do. Anyways, I feel like starting a journal on here maybe because this site has done so much for me during this rough time for me. Any advice on how to handle her next form of contact with me? look, i'm a nice person too. i looked the other way when he forgot my birthday (all the while him expecting me to remember his); i stopped noticing/talking about other guys because he said it bothered him (he continued to talk about how hot other women are and repeatedly mentioned how he wanted to f**k the sh*t out of halle berry); i rarely ever got upset with him and when i would tell him exactly why; whereas when he got upset with me (which was often) he never gave any explanation he just expected me to "know" why. there are limits. in a situation like a break up you can no longer afford to be nice. especially if the other person isn't extending you the same courtesy. you need to think about you and not the ex. trust they are getting on with their life just as you are. personally, i don't think exes need to be nice to each other. civil yes. but nice as in going out of your way to be the "bigger" person no. being the bigger person is about cutting out the niceties. being civil should you encounter the ex but not going out of your way to make polite chit chat. if you are doing NC, then don't respond to her at all. but it sounds like you want to stay friendly with her. if you feel that will work for you. be civil. but don't drag things out. just be brief in your responses and leave it at that.
Author Jonnyy Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 I really dont have any plans on dragging things out if she contacts me. If i happen to pass her id just give a simple hey with a smile and thats all. If she did contact me in any way i would of course make it brief and to the point. I just figured me saying this to her would leave things on good terms. I want a positive image of myself to live on. If that makes sense.
M2155 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Johnnyy you are analyzing this. And that is very normal. I think the point is don't focus on this. Don't focus on if or what she thought. Focus on what you can do now. Focus so that when you do see her you will genuinely be indifferent because as much as you "plan" seeing/talking to the person will open up emotions you didn't see coming if you have not taken the time to heal. If she happens to contact you, it's your choice to respond, you might just be too busy with your new life when she calls. You are not "mean" or giving a negative image if you don't respond or keep it brief. Pushovers are nice guys too. You do not owe your ex anything (and you see she isn't giving you anything either). She took the time to decide what she wanted, now you take the time to move on.
Author Jonnyy Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Johnnyy you are analyzing this. And that is very normal. I think the point is don't focus on this. Don't focus on if or what she thought. Focus on what you can do now. Focus so that when you do see her you will genuinely be indifferent because as much as you "plan" seeing/talking to the person will open up emotions you didn't see coming if you have not taken the time to heal. If she happens to contact you, it's your choice to respond, you might just be too busy with your new life when she calls. You are not "mean" or giving a negative image if you don't respond or keep it brief. Pushovers are nice guys too. You do not owe your ex anything (and you see she isn't giving you anything either). She took the time to decide what she wanted, now you take the time to move on. Youre right, i was analyzing this. I guess the breakup is still fresh (1 month) so i still have a little bit of feelings for her but that is only natural and i know that within time those feelings will pass. Youre right, i do need to just focus on myself. I am not a pushover though and i will not be one. I promise you guys that. Its not that im planning on seeing her its just that its going to be extremely difficult to not bump into considering the fact that we go to the same college, and live in the same dorm tower only 4 floors apart. Im just trying to stay tough if i do happen to run into her. All i want to come off as is happy.
flitzanu Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 shouldn't your own human nature and personality be showing "a good note"? i mean, you're making things into a competition by "trying to be the bigger person". if you aren't giving a natural human response in a manner that you'd normally behave, then she's going to know exactly what you're doing, and that you're trying to be fake. just my devil's advocate...
Author Jonnyy Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 shouldn't your own human nature and personality be showing "a good note"? i mean, you're making things into a competition by "trying to be the bigger person". if you aren't giving a natural human response in a manner that you'd normally behave, then she's going to know exactly what you're doing, and that you're trying to be fake. just my devil's advocate... I see your point. But it is by no means a competition to me. My only intent was to leave things on a good note for when i start NC. My words were genuine and i am not trying to be fake at all. The thing is that i would normally behave as a polite kind individual.
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