Easyguy14 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 this is bugging me right now but I'll point out what brought this about. last night while out with my close female friend after work we stopped off at a lounge for a few drinks, conversation, and light music. she's married but in an up & down situation since their union has hit midpoint at 8 years so we engage in details about it. I give her advice which she takes with a grain of salt. no problem. my issue here is when I told her about wanting to be with someone special soon as Im now 30 years old, and I told her that if she knows of a woman that might fit my criteria and is single to please let it be known, she accused me of acting desperate I dont understand how telling my friend that Im available makes me look desperate in her eyes or anyone else's? and when I talked about starting conversations with women that I find interesting and attractive on a daily basis, Im not gonna get anywhere because they will think I want to date them, settle down, have a family, you name it, especially if I bring up my position in career. Im not getting this whatsoever. does putting myself out there to meet different people no matter the setting and getting a little bit of chatting going reek desperation? how else am I supposed to meet women and let them know about me? I wanna hear some thoughts.
Author Easyguy14 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 no thoughts yet? okay, I'll wait a little longer.
sm1tten Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I'm guessing that wanting to be with someone special soon as Im now 30 years old Is the part that made you sound desperate to her. I don't think putting yourself out there and making it known that you are interesting in a serious relationship makes you seem desperate, though.
malibustacydoll Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Kind of a funny question since your username is "easyguy". I don't think it makes you seem desperate. However, I am wondering why one comment like that would bother you that much?
Author Easyguy14 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Kind of a funny question since your username is "easyguy". I don't think it makes you seem desperate. However, I am wondering why one comment like that would bother you that much? it bothers me because it goes to the mentality that wanting to meet your significant other and develop a relationship is something I shouldn't be into as a ny guy in 2011, since most ny people are swinging the singles lifstyle but Im just not down with that. now, Im in no particular hurry to get with a woman, but if one catches my eye I will proceed to make a move to get a little conversation going. my friend here thinks doing that regularly is an act of desperation and I sorely disagree because my conversations are as easy as they get. so I wanted other opinions.
Shaun-Dro Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 it bothers me because it goes to the mentality that wanting to meet your significant other and develop a relationship is something I shouldn't be into as a ny guy in 2011, since most ny people are swinging the singles lifstyle but Im just not down with that. now, Im in no particular hurry to get with a woman, but if one catches my eye I will proceed to make a move to get a little conversation going. my friend here thinks doing that regularly is an act of desperation and I sorely disagree because my conversations are as easy as they get. so I wanted other opinions. Being a NYC guy I definitely know about this lifestyle. It's like just go to a club and get drunk if you want to get laid or stay in and hibernate. You do catch my drift, right, OP? Don't worry about your friend's opinion. What does she know. She's just a woman after all, right? She's not inside your head, which ever two you use to select women. Just keep doing what you're doing because if you don't, none of these women will have the guts to approach you first, unless she is Plain Jane or a walking mammoth. And then you can commit yourself to reclusion for the rest of your life and I know you're looking to avoid that miserable, lonely contract.
Dust Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 You sound a little like a woman with the settle down I'm 30 now talk. So you yes that is desperate. Also you don't ask a girl if she knows any one that would be good for you. You ask her if she has hot friends. Then you meet the hot friends and you hook yourself up. Look you can't always avoid looking desperate. Just be yourself and try not to worry about if people think you look desperate.
Shaun-Dro Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 You sound a little like a woman with the settle down I'm 30 now talk. So you yes that is desperate. Also you don't ask a girl if she knows any one that would be good for you. You ask her if she has hot friends. Then you meet the hot friends and you hook yourself up. Look you can't always avoid looking desperate. Just be yourself and try not to worry about if people think you look desperate. Come to think about it again, wanting to settle down because you're going into your 30s is something a woman would state. Get away from that idea as quickly as possible! As a man, leave that nonsense alone, go out, and just enjoy life because you only get to live it once. OP, I'm sure you understand me quite well on that statement. As for finding the right one, if she comes along, great, if not, who the **** cares, right? Aside from sex, she's a pain in the ass anyway. If you've had the time to follow some of my past threads, you'll know what I'm talking of in terms of so-called relationships. Other than a hot piece of ass, like that young Target girl I pined after, it isn't worth the hassle of seeking her out, especially today when American women only care about themselves and how far they can get ahead with their careers, forgetting that the further up the financial ladder they climb the lonelier she'll be on her way back down. But you're better than that, OP, aren't you? You don't need a woman just to validate your happiness. Take comfort in other things to do the job and maybe a lucky one for you will pop up. But it won't be forever either way, you catch my drift?
FitChick Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) Sounds smart, not desperate. A good way to meet someone is to have a friend fix you up who knows both of you. Better than a random stranger. Since your friend isn't happily married, I wonder if she would resent another woman getting your attention and time. Now, she knows you are always available when she wants to complain about her husband. Not a good idea to ask a woman to fix you up with a "hot" friend. Terminology like that makes women think you are only looking for sex. Don't ask bitter men for advice about women. Edited September 8, 2011 by FitChick
AHardDaysNight Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I believe you sounded desperate, when you alluded to the fact that you'd take whatever you could get.
phineas Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Sounds smart, not desperate. A good way to meet someone is to have a friend fix you up who knows both of you. Better than a random stranger. Since your friend isn't happily married, I wonder if she would resent another woman getting your attention and time. Now, she knows you are always available when she wants to complain about her husband. Not a good idea to ask a woman to fix you up with a "hot" friend. Terminology like that makes women think you are only looking for sex. Don't ask bitter men for advice about women. I was thinking the same thing. One of the reasons I've never had any female friendship last is because they would eventually cock-block me. They didn't want me (which I was cool with) but they didn't want me paying attention to another woman. But now, i've dropped a ton of weight and am kinda sexy so every where I go at least 1 woman approaches me to talk & chicks that "just want to be friends" just fade away when I ask them to hang out or go clothes shopping with me. LOL! That's when you know their not really your friend. When they don't want to help you look hot for other women. LOL!
thatone Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 most cynical thought: sounds like your female friend uses you for a husband replacement when she doesn't like her husband and knee-jerk reacted poorly to the prospect of her sexless crying shoulder leaving her. which probably explains a lot of her marital problems, honestly.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 this is bugging me right now but I'll point out what brought this about. last night while out with my close female friend after work we stopped off at a lounge for a few drinks, conversation, and light music. she's married but in an up & down situation since their union has hit midpoint at 8 years so we engage in details about it. I give her advice which she takes with a grain of salt. no problem. my issue here is when I told her about wanting to be with someone special soon as Im now 30 years old, and I told her that if she knows of a woman that might fit my criteria and is single to please let it be known, she accused me of acting desperate I dont understand how telling my friend that Im available makes me look desperate in her eyes or anyone else's? and when I talked about starting conversations with women that I find interesting and attractive on a daily basis, Im not gonna get anywhere because they will think I want to date them, settle down, have a family, you name it, especially if I bring up my position in career. Im not getting this whatsoever. does putting myself out there to meet different people no matter the setting and getting a little bit of chatting going reek desperation? how else am I supposed to meet women and let them know about me? I wanna hear some thoughts. That isn't desperate at all. Not sure how old your friend is... but if she were a real friend, I think she ought to help set you up with women friends of hers who are single. That is what they did once upon a time before OLD. Our friend and family network stepped in to help screen suitable candidates. Have to say though... I'd caution you against getting too buddy-buddy with a married woman with marital issues and being her 'sounding board'. Next thing you know, you're the OM. Unless that is what you want...
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 most cynical thought: sounds like your female friend uses you for a husband replacement when she doesn't like her husband and knee-jerk reacted poorly to the prospect of her sexless crying shoulder leaving her. which probably explains a lot of her marital problems, honestly. My thoughts exactly.
Mr. Slim Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I think you're okay. I can definitely relate... you should actually pat yourself on the back because it's not always an easy thing to do. There have been times where I've wanted to make similar requests from female friends, but decided not to because I was worried what they would think. I think I come off as generally pretty together to most of my female friends, and they would probably be surprised that I'd need them to generate dates. They may not understand it's not always easy to meet someone, especially as you get older and don't "go out" as much.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I was thinking the same thing. One of the reasons I've never had any female friendship last is because they would eventually cock-block me. They didn't want me (which I was cool with) but they didn't want me paying attention to another woman. But now, i've dropped a ton of weight and am kinda sexy so every where I go at least 1 woman approaches me to talk & chicks that "just want to be friends" just fade away when I ask them to hang out or go clothes shopping with me. LOL! That's when you know their not really your friend. When they don't want to help you look hot for other women. LOL! We actually agree for a change!! I helped my best guy friend pick out a picture for OkC and gave him a nice recommendation. He met what seems to be a nice girl a month or two ago. Sure, I don't see him as much, but that is how it goes. If he were a woman, I'd see them less often too. That's what happens when your friend meets someone.
Recommended Posts