km28 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I haven't dont this in awhile but I guess I was just hoping maybe someone would be out there with any advice that could help me get through this. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and I thought things were goign well. I mean we've had our little fights here and there, but overall I was happy and ready to work on the things that we both needed to change in order for this relationship to work. We've been struggling with the fact that I haven't met his daughter (she's 7) and why he hadn't done it and this was probably one of the biggest issues between us. We were talking recently and I finally told him how I felt and what I wanted (I had done it before, but this time I was a lot stronger and definitely ready to stand my ground) after I told him that it hurt to not always be included and that I didn't understand what was stopping him from introducing me to his daughter, he went on to tell me that he didn't know how to do it and he was afraid of how hi ex would react (she's crazy and has harrased me and is in complete control over him because she uses their daughter as leverage). So he went on and on about how I deserved better, someone that could be there the way he couldn't right now. I told him that I didn't want anyone else, that I knew this was a difficult situation, but that if I didn't want to be in it, I would have left a long time ago, but I love him and even though it's hard sometimes, I want to work through this with him. He said he didn't want to keep dragging me along because he feels he's holding me back. He said he still loves me and always will but he doesn't think it's fair for me to have to deal with this. I told him that it wasn't fair and that this was not the best solution. I'm so hurt because we have talked about getting married and our future and then all of the suden he gets to take that away. Then he says he was hoping that he would grow some balls to stand up to his ex but he hasn't and it's not fair to me. All I can think is that our relationship doesn't mean enough for him to stand up for what we have and what we had wanted for our future. How can I be ok with that? We both love each other so much and it's not that he doesn't want to be with me, but he thinks I deserve more and I feel like he's choosing to run away instead of fight for me. I'm supposed to talk to him tonight, but I don't know how to get him to see that this isn't the answer. I don't want to give up on thi because I know he's the one. Any advice?
Nohbody Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I didn't want to give up, but I had to. In the end, we have no reasonable choice. You can hang on forever to the memory of someone who doesn't care about you.... or you can give up. It's hard to admit you were wrong, wrong about someone else. You are right. It's not even the relationship not meaning enough to him... YOU don't mean enough to him. Go NC. Focus on yourself. We shall see what happens - keep us posted!
ScienceGal Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 You should meet his daughter after spending two years together. His expectations are both unrealistic and unfair. Does he plan to go the rest of his life never having a truly meaningful relationship? And what about a family of his own, including his daughter? It would be a shame to let life pass him by because of a crazy ex. It may be that he does feel powerless and the fear of losing his daughter is greater than his love for you (sorry). If he isn't willing to figure out a solution, then I suggest that you either move on with your life without him or accept that this is how it is going to be (and wait until his daughter is older and she can make decisions for her own). Good luck
geegirl Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I have a feeling he is looking for a good reason to justify ending it. An out. I have a hard time believing that it all boils down to the ex. She may give him grief but it's not realistic. People split with kids involved and move on to other relationships everyday. If he really wanted to fight for you and the R, he would. How about speaking to an attorney for one? Two people should be fighting for a relationship. You can't fight for someone who doesn't want to be won over.
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