"Not Like My Grandparents Generation"

September 7, 2011

Often in dating, people bring up how things just aren't how they were when their grandparents where young. I do it myself.

My own grandparents met when my grandmother was 16 and my grandfather was 15. Her parents owned a candy store. She worked in it. During that time, you could come to a candy store, get a soda and your candy and sit at a counter to eat and drink. My grandfather saw my grandmother in school and thought she was beautiful (as he tells it) and one day followed her to the candy store. After school, he would come down and sit at the counter until she agreed to go out with him. She didn't like him at first but she finally agreed to go out with him. Then just this past weekend I was at a Labor Day party and a friend's grandparents where telling me how they met in a factory. He kept asking her out and she kepty saying no. Until one day she gave in. He took her dancing and apparently he was a wondeful dancer.

I think most of us look back with a big of nostaglia even if we wouldn't want things to be exactly how they were back then. What would you like to see today within dating that we might not have in dating in 2011? And what our your own grandparents "how they met" stories?

September 7, 2011

My one set of grandparents were the stuff nightmares are made of. My grandfather was an abusive piece of garbage who used to cock a shotgun to get my grandmother and his kids to do what he wanted. My grandmother drank almost 24/7 to cope with it.

My paternal grandfather is a different story. He came to America from Italy with nothing and opened up a business. He took some of the profits and invested them in real estate which made him very wealthy. He then met his wife walking on the street and they had a great marriage. He was your typical macho italian but he never once cheated on her and would go out of his way to make her happy and she appreciated it.

September 7, 2011

Both sets of grandparents had horrible marriages.

My Dad's Mom nagged my grandpa all the time and he cheated on her with a whole bunch of women until they finally got divorced.

My Mom's Dad shot himself in the head when she was three because of his schizophrenia and my grandma was (and is still) a psychotic bitch who beat the **** out of my Mom every day.

I'd like NONE of that in my life.

Also, I'd like it if both men and women could be financially self-sufficient so that no one feels trapped in a relationship for monetary reasons and there is no need for alimony. That wasn't the case in my grandparents' generation.

September 7, 2011

I don't know how my paternal grandparents met, but my maternal grandparents were nothing like the historical standard. My grandmother didn't get married until 25 and didn't start having kids until close to 30. She worked full time outside the home, making more money than my grandfather. They actually met because he stole her from his friend, who she was casually dating at the time. She turned him down a couple of times before they got married. From all accounts they had a very happy marriage until he died. However, he was a closet alcoholic and she was a perfectionist, so they definitely had issues.

Living with my grandparents gave my mother an unrealistic sense of what marriage and family was supposed to be like. Knowing what I know about the time period, I'm not nostalgic for it at all. Marriage and kids aren't my end-goal, anyway, although I certainly want to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship with someone and I think at the end of the day my grandparents complemented each other well.

September 7, 2011

My paternal grandparents:

They met when he was 21 and she was 13. His family did illegal bootlegging and had a moonshine distillery. She was one of 8 kids and her family was happy to marry her off at age 14, because they were poor. My grandfather took her away from her family and friends, moved them to a different state. They had several kids, two of them died in infancy. My grandfather sexually abused his daughters, and beat his sons, but he got a pretty good job and everybody told my grandmother she was lucky to have him. She had no job skills. They slept in separate rooms for over forty years, and towards the end when she was very ill she told us all that she would miss us, but death would be a blessing because it would finally sever her union with my grandfather.

My maternal grandparents:

They met in high school, and fell in love. He was a local athletic star and she was the prettiest girl in school, but he was another race so her family was dead set against it and they forced her to stop seeing him and marry someone else. My grandfather went into the army and fought in a war. When he came back, he was an alcoholic with PTSD and my grandmother was divorced, because she had discovered her "husband" already had a wife in another country. She was considered "damaged goods" because she was divorced, "shamed", had an "illegitimate" child, so despite her family's racism she was allowed to marry my grandfather. He drank and beat her and after she had my mother, he pushed her down a flight of stairs for only having a girl. So she ran away with her two kids and lived in poverty because there were no social services for single mothers, and he committed suicide because there were no social services for PTSD and alcoholism.

I think I'm doing a lot better than my grandparents' generation. Your story was very sweet, though, and I used to hear other sweet stories when I worked with the elderly in the nonprofit sector several years back.

Edited September 7, 2011 by Stung

September 7, 2011

My paternal side:

My grandmother was divorced and then she met my grandfather in a factory. I know little else because my Dad is a loser and bailed when I was an infant.

My maternal side:

My grandfather was running around with my grandmother's older sister. He saw my grandmother when she was out on a date with another guy in their group of friends. He asked her out (The way he tells it she got uh....frisky!! haha!) They were married three months later at 17 and 20. He went to the war. She did have a "fella" friend when my grandpa was gone. My grandfather found out when he got back but they stayed together and worked it out. They were the old couple that would snuggle, hold hands, and my grandpa would still pinch her butt! They had two kids and were married for 68 years (when my grandmother passed away). They were always honest about good and bad times, but they let me know that you get out of a marriage what you put into it. My grandpa still calls me crying all the time because he hates being with out her. I don't blame him one bit. They spent a lifetime together as best friends.

September 7, 2011

What would you like to see today within dating that we might not have in dating in 2011?

I'd like to know that a woman who accepts my paying for an early date hasn't already had sex with some FWB dude that day or the day before.

September 7, 2011

This.....

and one day followed her to the candy store.

What happens if you did that today? You'd be labeled as a stalker.

He kept asking her out and she kepty saying no.

This could qualify for a restraining order. LOL

Thing is it wouldn't work today because if men were as persistant now as they were 40 years ago, every other man would be in prison for stalking or harassment. Because the truth is if the woman doesnt like you, being persistant will make you end up in jail.

Funny how this could be considered cute and romantic by women by then, but a serious shame that it's considered criminal behavior now by women.

This is why I wish I had grown up in those days, too bad some women have ruined dating in such a fashion.

September 7, 2011

I think things have always been the same. Relationships that either work out, or they...don't.

September 7, 2011

Some posters seem to have a somewhat misguided notion as to what behaviors can and cannot actually land a man in prison.

September 8, 2011

Some posters seem to have a somewhat misguided notion as to what behaviors can and cannot actually land a man in prison.

It all depends onthe woman and how she reacts. If she's attracted, it's sexual harassment. Thus guy looses his job.

If she's attracted, then all is well.

And because of that it would be even harder for women to find a man they like.

I even heard in a particular state there's a law saying if a man asks a woman out too many times, and she's said "no" on more than one occasion, it can qualify as restraining order material if she wanted to make an issue out of it.

September 8, 2011

Stung - Those are both very tough stories! I think I just assumed that everyone has lovey dovey stories. But thank you for sharing them. I'm glad your doing better then your grandparents generation.

September 8, 2011

My grandparents met during childhood because they grew up next door to one another- the story of how they met and courted is sweet- but the end result was not.

My poor grandmother spent her life trapped in a marriage where she was cheated on, criticised, emotionally abused, left alone with 2 sons for long periods of time because he was spending time with with mutiple OW over the years... She was miserable with him- but couldn't leave because it would have been considered a scandal in those days.

The generation may have some positive aspects to it- but there is something to be said about the progress of women's rights.

Had my grandmother lived in my generation, she would have left my jackass of a grandfather behind and gone on to flourish as her own person. Probably would have met a man she truly loved that cherished her and respected her.

Sorry if I brought a downer to the thread:eek:

September 8, 2011

Seems like everything good out there comes with a price eh?

Apparantly.

Ever seen Mad Men? My grandfather lived that kind of lifestyle- when it was expected and encouraged that you banged your secretaries.

My poor grandma.

September 8, 2011

The generation may have some positive aspects to it- but there is something to be said about the progress of women's rights.

Had my grandmother lived in my generation, she would have left my jackass of a grandfather behind and gone on to flourish as her own person. Probably would have met a man she truly loved that cherished her and respected her.

Sorry if I brought a downer to the thread:eek:

It puts things in context! You are right. there is something tobe said for progress of women's rights.

September 8, 2011

Women didn’t really work (or have to work) and the law wasn’t on their side. (no divorces)

My grandmother told me she never wanted to date my grandpa. She said she laid on the dirty cold floor in hopes of getting sick so she could cancel their date. They used to fight all the time too. I think they did love each other but it wasn’t some fairy tale romance.

I think some sweet stories happen even today. If I like a girl I’ll keep asking her out till she says yes.

September 8, 2011

She said she laid on the dirty cold floor in hopes of getting sick so she could cancel their date.

Um, so why did she date him? I find this kind of hard to buy.

September 8, 2011

Some posters seem to have a somewhat misguided notion as to what behaviors can and cannot actually land a man in prison.

We do have a rough idea.

An Italian man has been sentenced to 10 days in jail and ordered to pay a 40 euro ($63) fine for staring at a woman on a train, national media reported on Friday.

The 30-year-old man was found guilty of harassment for staring at the woman, 55, on the train from Sondrio to Milan. They encountered each other on two separate occasions in 2005, but never spoke.

According to the woman, the young man sat "too close" to her after asking her to move her coat. During the second encounter, he sat opposite her and stared at her in a way she found "impertinent and inappropriate".

When the woman got off the train, she asked police to find the offender, and filed a lawsuit against him. The man, however, said he was looking at the woman only because she happened to be sitting directly in front of him.

The defendant plans to appeal against the ruling.

Source: By RIA Novosti

http://www.huliq.com/57668/italian-man-gets-10-days-jail-staring-woman

Care to say otherwise?

September 8, 2011

Wait a min, this is EUROPE? I figured they were more lax over there, and this sounded like a story that was more USA based.

Remind me not to go there. LOL

We do have a rough idea.

An Italian man has been sentenced to 10 days in jail and ordered to pay a 40 euro ($63) fine for staring at a woman on a train, national media reported on Friday.

The 30-year-old man was found guilty of harassment for staring at the woman, 55, on the train from Sondrio to Milan. They encountered each other on two separate occasions in 2005, but never spoke.

According to the woman, the young man sat "too close" to her after asking her to move her coat. During the second encounter, he sat opposite her and stared at her in a way she found "impertinent and inappropriate".

When the woman got off the train, she asked police to find the offender, and filed a lawsuit against him. The man, however, said he was looking at the woman only because she happened to be sitting directly in front of him.

The defendant plans to appeal against the ruling.

Source: By RIA Novosti

http://www.huliq.com/57668/italian-man-gets-10-days-jail-staring-woman

Care to say otherwise?

September 8, 2011

Now we've gone one one extreme to the next....landing a guy in jail just for looking at a woman on a train.

My grandfather cheated on my grandma her with her cousin and had kids with my grandma's cousin... Had many mistresses throughout the marriage and probably other kids with other women as well. I think she was probably emotionally abused, controlled and unhappy but unable to leave because she didn't want to leave her children. She would be forced to leave the children behind if she left him because she wasn't able to support them (this wasn't in America). So she has no choice but to stay and be humiliated her entire life.

I guess that was the lot of a woman to bear back in the days.

September 8, 2011

Amazing in a thread about a number of abuses and mistreatement of women (the grandmothers), Elysian still makes it about how men are wronged.

September 8, 2011

Amazing in a thread about a number of abuses and mistreatement of women (the grandmothers), Elysian still makes it about how men are wronged.

I thought this thread was about our grandparents and how they met. Now it is about how women are mistreated?

September 8, 2011

Wait a min, this is EUROPE? I figured they were more lax over there, and this sounded like a story that was more USA based.

Remind me not to go there. LOL

Men fined for whistling at women in railway station

Dutch police say they have booked five men for whistling at women in a new crackdown on sexual harassment in Rotterdam railway station.
Men caught whistling at women in or around the station face a fine of nearly £30 if they are caught, reports De Telegraaf.

Police spokesman Huub Veeneman said: "We ask the woman if the man is embarrassing her before writing a penalty - not all woman see this as unwanted behaviour."
He said the crackdown had been launched following a series of complaints from women and that five men had so far been caught.

Mr Veeneman added: "The problem is more urgent in and near the central railway station because a lot of men come just to watch the beautiful women.
"Some of them are really intimidating the women. They are not only whistling but if a woman doesn't agree they start to insult her in the most awful way.
"And some of them just don't realise they can't do this. One of the men we captured said it was his way of trying to find a girlfriend."

My question: who of our esteemded female PPRuNe members is in favor of fining male whistlers?

http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/112367-men-fined-whistling-women-railway-station.html

Sup guys, listen to what women say; be confident! Approach women!

You''ll get to spend some time behind bars and servicing the guards. How about that? To sit put, waiting for men to approach, and having the power to destroy his life.

You know what sexual harassment is?

An average/ugly man daring to look at a woman

French Presidential Candidate Arrested For Sodomizing Maid
A top French politician was arrested in New York and taken off a plane bound for France, on charges of sodomizing a hotel maid. The arrest occurred ten minutes before take off.

The man is Dominique Strauss-Kahn, a socialist who is expected to challenge Nicolas Sarkozy for the presidency of France. Strauss-Kahn is currently the chief of the International Monetary Fund.

The maid claims Strauss-Kahn came out of his bedroom while she was cleaning the suite. He was nude, threw her down on the bed and forced her to perform oral sex on him. Strauss-Kahn is 62 years old. The maid is 32.

Either Strauss-Kahn has the run-away hormones of an 18 year old, or this story smells. How does a senior citizen force a 32 year old to perform oral sex? Sounds dangerous to me. All those sharp young teeth and all.

I certainly wouldn't want a socialist to be president of France, but this sounds like dirty pool. However, if the story proves true, please have someone prescribe me the same vitamins as those of Strauss-Kahn, for strictly legal uses, I assure you.

http://saberpoint.blogspot.com/2011/05/french-presidential-candidate-arrested.html

This man, one of the most highly remarkable males France has ever produced has been cleared from those charges, after he was put in jail with only a woman's word backing up her claim of sexual molestation.

Think about it. A man who had an enormous sway on the world, rich and well-connected, all that had to happen for him to be destroyed - for life - was a maid to say, ''he raped me''.

Bloke is picked up from where he was as if he was some trash, convicted both to jail and to moral degradation WITHOUT any proof, and suddenly a whole bunch of women ''come out'' of the closet to accuse him of the same crime.

A handsome, charming, very rich man resorting to abuse? And the society at large immediately accepts this and punishes the man without any indication that he took part in this allegation?

Most of us guys don't have his education or money. What do you think is going to happen if some drunk/looking for revenge ex/gold-digger/pissed off woman decides to accuse you of (false) rape?

enjoy the boons of jail; 24/7 butt raped, and if you are lucky, you might get stabbed.

I wonder where people picked the idea that women are or were ever oppressed?

Men, on the other hand..

Edited September 8, 2011 by Elysian Powder

September 8, 2011

I thought this thread was about our grandparents and how they met. Now it is about how women are mistreated?

Haha, no matter what a guy does; he's still oppressing women.

Did you know that in Sweden a lady psychologist has been promoting the concept that if a man doesn't pay attention to a woman; he's promoting violence against her?

I'm not kidding. This ridiculous new commandment of what violence is has it origin in Norway, by a lady psychologist from that Country, and it states that if a man ain't breaking his back(now I'm putting this into context) he's actually abusing her.

Hilarious. Guy approaches woman = he's molesting her.

Guy doesn't look at women = he's molesting them.

Guy doesn't want anything to do with women = he's a tyrant, oppresses women.

Wait a minute while I inform the Pope about this!

PS: I read about this almost a year ago. I didn't bookmark the links, sorry, but google it away if you will.

September 8, 2011

Haha, no matter what a guy does; he's still oppressing women.

Did you know that in Sweden a lady psychologist has been promoting the concept that if a man doesn't pay attention to a woman; he's promoting violence against her?

I'm not kidding. This ridiculous new commandment of what violence is has it origin in Norway, by a lady psychologist from that Country, and it states that if a man ain't breaking his back(now I'm putting this into context) he's actually abusing her.

Hilarious. Guy approaches woman = he's molesting her.

Guy doesn't look at women = he's molesting them.

Guy doesn't want anything to do with women = he's a tyrant, oppresses women.

Wait a minute while I inform the Pope about this!

PS: I read about this almost a year ago. I didn't bookmark the links, sorry, but google it away if you will.

This is absurd but I seriously doubt even most feminists would agree with that. Every area has it's looney tunes.

Sign In

"Not Like My Grandparents Generation"

Recommended Posts

Disenchantedly Yours

Woggle

Enchanted Girl

sm1tten

Stung

NoReallyThatHappened

dasein

irc333

AHardDaysNight

Stung

irc333

Disenchantedly Yours

D-Lish

D-Lish

Disenchantedly Yours

Dust

irc333

Elysian Powder

irc333

irc333

Disenchantedly Yours

Woggle

Elysian Powder

Elysian Powder

Woggle

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...