partyof1 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Hey everyone. I figure this is the right place for my story so I would love some input because honestly I don't know where to turn. I have been with my fiance for two years. Our relationship was very rocky in the beginning and he cheated on me. I left him and he begged for me to come back and I took him back. Anyway it was going smoothy and he started a career as a truck driver. That is when he really wanted me to go along with him and that is when we got engaged. I then got pregnant and told him I had to get off the truck obviously because that is no place for a pregnant woman so I came to my parents house. That is when the calls stopped and he started acting different. I confront him and he is just acting like a totally different person and won't even discuss anything like a grown man. I already decided at this point I can't go further with this relationship. He then informs me he is moving to Alabama because he wants to go to the gym and can't stand being on the road and wants me to suddenly up and move and rent a place for both of us. He then said if I don't move he will split it with a roomate. I was infuriated, he pretty much is using this pregnancy to get to my money. I have moved several times for him and never once has he moved to me. To top it off he wants me to pay and he is the one with job. I realize now he never changed and just wants a free ride. I have helped him out in the past but never thought I was getting use but with his latest demand I have to wake up and smell the coffee. He told me that he is moving whether I go or not and that hurt me terribly being pregnant with his baby. I'm not paying for a place for us to live yet he has money to split it with a roomate? Wow what does that say? I have to pay him to be my fiance? No thanks. I'm a nice person and I guess I'm just too naïve because all his true colors have come out as soon as this pregnancy happened. I am only 8 weeks pregnant so I still have options but I feel I would be a horrible person after getting pregnant and then aborting. We both wanted kids so I stopped the pill. He knew I wasn't taking the pill so he was fully aware. Everything seemed so picture perfect unti the pregnancy. I have tried communicating with him but its hard over the phone all the time because he is either ignoring me or telling me to leave him alone. He told me he doesn't need to talk about the issue because it is MY issue not his. I feel so betrayed and hurt. I hope this all makes sense but what should I do? Move to Alabama and give in to his demands? I don't see it fair for me to have to pay for him to live when he is working and able to split the rent. If any females on this board would you continue the pregnancy? I'm just under so much stress because I wish I would have seen these true colors earlier or maybe I was too blinded by love
NordicStripes Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Oh my, I'm so sorry to read your story. Seems to me like the guy's a big-time loser, and I don't think he'll change. You'd think becoming a father would initiate some change and maturity, but with him it clearly doesn't. Honestly, if I were you, forget about the dude. He's not worth your time. When it comes to the pregnancy, you have to make this hard decision yourself. But ask yourself this: do you want to raise a baby by yourself? Because he probably won't be around to help. Do you think he'd make a good father? Do you think it's important to raise a child in a stable and healthy environment? Do you think it's important the baby has a good father? You can pm me if you want, I can talk a bit more with you about this subject.
Author partyof1 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Thank you and these are all things I'm considering. I know things happen but didn't imagine that things would happen like this. I guess things could be worse but I was raised with a mom and dad and was hoping to raise my own family in that way. Single moms are amazing and I know a man is not necessary but it is a struggle and I feel like I couldn't do it alone. I have talked to several people whose husbands left them and they say it is very very difficult. I did not see an option to pm you by the way.
SugarLily Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Honey - I am so sorry that you are going through this. Let me tell you something . . . This guy is an assh*le. A selfish, useless, ignorant, assh*ole. And he always will be. You need to completely cut him out of your life asap! You need to surround yourself with positive people who enhance your life - NOT this loser. In the past you have evidently been very lenient with him - you can't afford to be that way ever again. You have a baby - and whatever you decide to do - you need to be strong and confident in who you are. You need to take control of your life and be responsible for your future. In relation to your pregnancy - the decision is entirely yours. But you really need to think about the welfare of your baby . . . Can you provide everything your child will need? A stable home? Food, clothes, etc? Are you in a place in your life where you can completely devote yourself to your child? Can you be the best parent that you can be at this time? These are all things that you need to consider - but remember sweetie, that you need to think about what is best for your baby. The decision you make will be entirely selfless - and nobody can judge you. You are a beautiful person and you deserve to have a wonderful life. This idiot has held you back for too long - now is your opportunity to move forwards with your life and fulfil your dreams and ambitions. Never speak to him again. He's not 'the one' for you. You will find true love and happiness in the future - and you will look back in retrospect and be so thankful that the idiot is no longer in your life. I'm so sorry for the hurt he is putting you through - but your heart is breaking for a reason. You need to ditch this tw*t and focus on your baby and yourself. You deserve so much more than what you have settled for. But you will only find true peace and happiness when you leave him for good. Sending you lots of love. x x x x x
Eddie Edirol Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Thank you and these are all things I'm considering. I know things happen but didn't imagine that things would happen like this. I guess things could be worse but I was raised with a mom and dad and was hoping to raise my own family in that way. Single moms are amazing and I know a man is not necessary but it is a struggle and I feel like I couldn't do it alone. I have talked to several people whose husbands left them and they say it is very very difficult. I did not see an option to pm you by the way. You still have the chance to learn from all of this. You have a chance to start over and raise a child with a husband, just not this child. You will have a much easier time finding a husband that wants a family (and isnt a leech) when you dont have a child already. You WONT be a horrible person if you abort this baby, as long as you learn from this. Dont shack up with losers anymore, you can do better than that, and have the chance to prove it.
Author partyof1 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Thank you all for your comments. Its amazing that complete strangers can offer me more compassion than the ex love of my life. You all are awesome! Right now I am not in the position financially to raise this baby because I left my job to be on the road with him, now he suddenly has a new plan and wants me to drop everything again. I know there is a give/take to every relationship but my parents and friends have seen that I have been giving a little too much. I never wanted to open my eyes because I was in love or thought I was. I know the healing process is going to be hard because I left this relationship pregnant. I am just scared if I do go through with an abortion that when I do meet the right one that I might not get so lucky.
CaliBabe Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 If it were me, I would not have the baby. That is just me though, so don't get all crazy on me people!
Portisphish Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 This is an awful story. It makes me feel like I have nothing to be so sad about. You have out much worse than me right now. I'm so sorry for you. No need to reiterate what others have said, but my heart truly goes out to you.
mike588 Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) And I though I had problems. I'll probably catch some flak from saying this but I to agree about not having this baby. I don't know your age but I can tell you that you should dump this loser. It's harder to find a man,, get involved in a relationship when there is a baby involved. Alot of men don't want the "baggage"!! I know it's a very, very hard choice you will have to make but in the long run I think it's the right choice for you. Best Wishes, keep us posted. Edited September 8, 2011 by mike588
FeelingEmptyNow Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 You still have the chance to learn from all of this. You have a chance to start over and raise a child with a husband, just not this child. You will have a much easier time finding a husband that wants a family (and isnt a leech) when you dont have a child already. You WONT be a horrible person if you abort this baby, as long as you learn from this. Dont shack up with losers anymore, you can do better than that, and have the chance to prove it. And what if next time she shacks up with another loser? Abortion time again? Nothing in life is granted. Just because she feels the next man is perfect and has a baby by him doesn't mean that the relationship will last. Child support is in place so single mothers don't have to be responsible for a child alone financially. Or give the child up for adoption. The child did nothing wrong to deserve an end to his/her existence. The child's heart starts beating at 4 weeks is it? Do the right thing.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) And what if next time she shacks up with another loser? Abortion time again? Nothing in life is granted. Just because she feels the next man is perfect and has a baby by him doesn't mean that the relationship will last. Child support is in place so single mothers don't have to be responsible for a child alone financially. Or give the child up for adoption. The child did nothing wrong to deserve an end to his/her existence. The child's heart starts beating at 4 weeks is it? Do the right thing. Its not a child, its a zygote. It doesnt matter, she doesnt want it. It will be a constant reminder of a life she wanted to get away from. No one cares about child support for a child that no one wants, you especially, youre not going to take care of this baby if she has it. Its better for her to learn from this abortion so she can think twice about the next guy she gets serious about, that way she can be careful to get a marriage from the guy before even thinking about getting pregnant. Hopefully she will puruse this site and learn how to watch for the red flags in the next guy she dates. Edited September 8, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
Author partyof1 Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 Update: No contact for 7 days as of today and feeling good about it. For some reason my sadness has turned into disgust and anger and don't even want to speak to him. There was no closure just an angry shouting match before I hung up. I don't think closure is necessary? He has pretty much abandoned me when I need him most and tried to bully me to pay for a place for him to live using the pregnancy to get his way. He is a user and a pathetic excuse for a man. I really hope he doesn't do this to someone else down the line. I am still pregnant and still leaning towards abortion. I have made an appointment but keep chickening out because I stil have doubts. I am unemployed at the moment, have no support from my family, and of course am dealing with a deadbeat. Is it a selfish reason to abort because I don't want to have ties with such a horrible person? This is a man who has threatened to leave the country if I tried to get child support. Financially I am not able and I am also living with my parents at the moment trying to get back out on my own. I gave up a lot for this man and am ready to start living life for myself. I am very giving and wear my heart on my sleeve and I think this user type is attracted to people like me. Hopefully I can learn from whatever comes from this situation. If anyone has any insight on anything please don't hesitate to give your two cents. I gave myself a deadline to make up my mind and just can't seem to get clarity.
Sooner or Later Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Don't be tied to this loser for the rest of your life by having this baby. A person needs to be ready--emotionally, financially, and psychologically--to have a baby. There is NOTHING to feel guilty about if you choose to abort. Good luck to you.
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