rudereds Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 My bf left me last yr after 10yrs for someone else. He started treating me and our son horribly (my son is 7 yo now). She left him in december and he asked me in jan 2 work things out. I decided against d advice of my friends to give him another chance. At the end of Jan I found out he was still trying to get him back and as a matter of fact, he was chasing down other girls. When I asked him about it, he'd say that was none of my business. I got fed up and one of my gfs introduced me 2 one of her friends at the beginning of feb. While seeing this person, I started to get pregnancy symptoms. At the end of feb, my bf came back and asked me 2 try again. Suspecting I was pregnant 4 him, I said ok. I confirmed I was pregnant in the 1st wk of March and told him a couple days after. He was upset cuz I didn't wanna get rid of the baby but eventually he said we'll work things out and he'll support me during my pregnancy. Since then, I've been treated like crap. When I would ask about other women's pics being on his phone, he'd say I need to stop minding his business. He'd cuss and say d worst things 2 me in front our son. He has said he wishes I kill myself and make his life easier. He disrespects me. He has told me in front my son that he wants me 2 'ride' him now. I left him for a month so he could think about what he's doing and then found out that he was dating a 19 yo girl (he's 27) who found out about my pregnancy from her father cuz he conveniently 'forgot' to mention that part. When she confronted him, he said he didn't think it was his anyway. She left him anyway. I have spent all the money on preparing for the baby by myself. When I ask him if he intends to help at all, he says 'don't worry myself.' He has now started saying 2 his friends that he's not helping with the baby until she's born and he sees that it's his baby (he knows I was sleeping with nobody else when I got pregnant). When I ask him why he keeps telling ppl it's not his baby, he says he doesn't know what I'm talking about. This man is my 1st love. He's the 1st person I ever trusted with my heart. He's the father of my 2 children and he treats me worse than crap. Yet I still love him and I don't know why. Can somebody plz tell me how 2 stop loving him? How to just let go and move on?
geegirl Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) I don't believe anyone can tell you how to stop loving him. You can love him but "love" is never a good enough reason to justify being in a relationship that is just empty and toxic, and not just to you but also to your children. Your self esteem is in the tank. You're completely depleted of any self value. That's why you settle for literally nothing because you're too afraid to be alone. You have become an extension of him. Without him, and it doesn't matter how miserable and unhappy he makes you feel, it's good enough. Anything is better than being alone. Alone is what you fear. Are you seeking therapy? It would help for you to speak to someone who can at least help you sort your thoughts and help you find some clarity. Right now you are feeding on defeating and addictive thoughts. It's one thing to love someone who was kind and caring to you. But to still love someone who abuses you this way is not love anymore. It's an addiction. Short of slapping your arm for another shot, you're a junkie confusing toxicity and fear as love for him. I suggest you seek help. If after all this you're still asking why you love him and feel the need to stay with him, it's unlikely anyone can tell you how to stop loving him. You have to ask yourself what is it you love about him? You teach people how to treat you. You've taught him over and over again that he can abuse, lie and treat you like a doormat. If you "love" that, then please, seek help because your thought process is completely skewed and you need someone to help you restructure things back for you again so that you can find strength and support to get out of this unhealthy situation. Also, what are you teaching your children as you continue to show them that it is okay for a man to treat you this way and that such negative behavior is okay. It is now not just about you but making good choices for your children. You need to be strong for them. You should be focusing on finding ways to provide them with a safe, healthy and positive environment to thrive in. Your attention and focus for them comes first, not for some man who is absent in every sense of the word. Edited September 8, 2011 by geegirl
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