XxericexX Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Hey everyone, I started posting here only a few months ago. For those of you who don't know my story, you can go to my previous posts and find it. Long story short, my gf of 3 years left me for another guy. We're both 22 and dated throughout college. We were eachother's first relationship. I know it is entirely my fault for continuing to talk to her, despite all those feelings of "she will never call me" and "I have to fight for her". I knew of NC a month after the break up but I allowed myself to be strung along for 2 more months after. The last time we had contact was devastating... My ex even came up to stay with me for a few nights (this is while her new bf was still out of the country). The days went well, and I even bought her the promise ring she always wanted before, but I just couldn't hold back my emotion whenever we discussed "us". She left one day earlier than planned, and that was the last time I saw her, physically. The week after, I tried to remain in contact with her via skype, and on Saturday, Aug 27th, she told me we needed to talk. That night she told me "I will never come back to you, and I don't want you to wait for me any longer...I will stop calling you if it helps." and all I could do was cry. I texted her "I don't ever want to see your cheating ass again", but the next day I texted her "Thanks for letting me go, and thanks for the 3 years of great memories...sorry for everything I said". I know my situation is now hopeless and I should've broken up with her the day I caught her on the phone with the other guy. I truly am an example of why when you fight for someone, you can permanently push them away. I clung on to the hope because she said that we would get back together some day, just not now. I can see her for who she is now. Even if she was confused, she strung me along until her new bf came back. This past labor day weekend was the first time they meet since spring break (I was still with her at the time). I feel used, low self esteem because she told me she was done with me and then books a ticket to NC the next day to see him. It's funny how people can change so fast, and so dramatically. I've cut off contact with her family and I don't know if she knows her number is unblocked on my phone. She left me to start a LDR with a guy she's only met once, and now she "Loves" him. Someday, I wish she would call me again... NC for almost 2 weeks now. Despite her saying she will never come back, why do I still have a glimpse of hope? Thanks for reading, would love to hear some thoughtful responses.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I'm sorry to hear that story, it was sad. Don't beat yourself up that you fought for her. Even though yes it does push them away, you did what most everyone would do. Fighting for the person we love I don't think is pathetic in any sense. You did the only thing you knew to do, showing her how much you loved her by fighting for her. The truth is, its easier to give up. Its easier to go NC never speak to them again and begin a new life. It feels harder at first but in the end it is easier. While your fighting for them you put so much emotion and get drug through the mud. Its exausting and the pain dosen't go away while your continueing to have to do that. No one here can tell you how long the pain will last or if there is ever a chance for you and her again. The hope you still have is normal we all carry it around for a while and so is the shattered selfesteem. The pain you feel will eventually go away. It never seems like that at the beginning. It feels like your going to live with it for the rest of your life. But I promise it will.
Author XxericexX Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Thanks for those words It feels weird... I don't really know why I think about it even though I know the chances are close to none now. Many things fill my head - regret that I didn't initiate NC, and I regret picking up the phone when she was crying and calling me like mad. I had heard that as long as they were angry or even sad, they still have feelings for you. On that Saturday, it was the first time I told myself "She finally feels indifferent". I'm scared of the future, and if I'll ever find anyone else. I moved to Chicago 2 months ago so it's been a real hard time actually getting to know people...at work, everyone is in their 30s already. My ex was beautiful, but not her heart. We have a saying in Chinese: "Once a girl's heart changes, nothing can bring it back".
Jdw_Icequeen Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Yes it would have been easier to go NC.. But now you know what you have to do and keep doing. That sux your having a hard time making friends. That is going to make it worse.. Join a gym, join a social club take up some sports, hobbies.. Your probably to depressed to do that right now. But if you can force yourself to do it it will make all the diffrence!
Author XxericexX Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I'm trying to put myself out there. Have a Lifetime membership and I know a few people whom I've lost touch with that live in the city. I know NC is the right path, but I can't help but feel since she the one that says she will never talk to me again, it hurts a little more knowing she is fine with it. She's told her brother that she missed me before after 2 weeks of NC. It could be a whole year the next time she does. Maybe, she'll even forget me if her new bf seems so "perfect". A lot of times I think back to when I trusted him, and he always told me I should "find someone better". At the same time he always told my ex "You should leave your bf because he deserves better." to now dating my ex and saying how much he loves her and would never break her heart (the exact same words I said to her before we went out...he knows this.) She'll never regret, or realize what she lost and I think I can't wrap my head around the idea she is never coming back. Maybe she sees him for his money. I make a good salary for an entry level position, but he has a better paying job in California haha. One second they're right next to you telling you "I'll be with you forever" to telling another guy "Thank you so much. Love you"
Author XxericexX Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I don't know why I'm beating myself up over this so much. Reconcilation should be zero at this point. My mom (who saw her as a daughter) has even called her and told her "Pick a side, but if you pick him...leave my son alone". Worst feeling when parents get involve... I don't think my family would ever accept her back, and at the same time I think her pride wouldn't make her ever apologize even if she wanted to come back. Our relationship wouldn't even be the same because I would find it so hard to trust her again, but in my heart I'd give her a second chance in a heartbeat. For me, I wish the doors never closed as they did. Call it denial.
reimeivn Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 it is your first love so she seems to be the only who ever loved you that much. she really is not that special. mine treated me really badly, and i am sitting here every single thing makes me think of me and hurt my feelings.
Author XxericexX Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Yea, I agree with you. First loves seem like all the hype hahaha. "Letting go of someone you love is like remembering someone you never knew." But in the end...it's like loving someone you never knew. We deserve better, and I'm sure we'll meet that person one day. (I tend to be in a better mood at night time rather than the day...weird)
Jdw_Icequeen Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 That is the hardest part about the ending of a relationship and I have said it time and time again. The fact that everything changes they almost seem like a stranger to you and the thought that they don't even care anymore, when your emotions are still kickin you @ss.. Its not fair and its complete bs.. But unchangeable.. SHE may regret it one day. It dosen't mean she willc ome back. Infact she may regret it one day and you may think I am crazy right now but you may not want her back.. It happens alot.. The dumper comes back and dumpee is the one with the middle finger on the fly. I think what you need to realize is you deserve better. Take her pretty @ss off that pedestal and realize she isn't perfect, she isn't all that. There is someone out there that will make you happy and won't ditch you for some random guy. True love isn't about how gorgeous you are,how much money you make or all the wonderful things in life someone has access too. True love is better than all those things combined. Your first love is always the hardest. I promise you will find love again aslong as you don't let this ruin your outlook on women and relationships altogether. Stay as posotive as possible. Alot of this is easier said and done atm, but you will get there!
reimeivn Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 yeah well i go to the same college with the ex so during the day, i am scared constantly that i might run into him. i hope we will. people say we do. if we take a bit of time and learn from the first one, the second one generally speaking is a lot better. the first one took me for granted so i bet the second one will be a bit better.
reimeivn Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 well i do find myself playing games and not opening myself up right after the breakup when guys came to me. so i guess i am not taking them seriously. which is wrong. so i step back and just feel sorry for myself hahaha for a while. pretty lonely, but i ll have to be fine with it soon. honestly i dont think me and the ex could go anywhere. his personality is not real with me, i dont know him really, and he doesnt appreciate me at all.
Author XxericexX Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Thanks Icequeen & remeivn @ Icequeen I hope you're right, I wish one day I can be the one that says "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore" @ Reimeivn Yea, I think the matter is that I'm more lonely, combined with self defeating thoughts. I will learn from this and I will be better. My next gf, I won't ever give up loving her. Some days I feel like I could care less for her because of what she did and who she has become...then some days I slump back into missing her. Almost called her today, but avoided it. Thanks for the support.
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