aisle_seat Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 My SO is having a hard time today. She hasn't slept well the last couple nights and she just found out someone she used to work with and liked well passed away. We all have rough days and she's having one today. When your SO is having a tough time, do you feel guilty you can't be there with them to help ease their pain or at least take their mind off it? I do; I want to be there (literally, not figuratively) for her. Sometimes being available to talk just doesn't seem like enough and you want to be there to hold them, make them a good dinner and tuck them into bed and of course that's impossible to do in an LDR. What do you do, short of talking/Skyping, to help your SO through a tough time? Just throwing it out there to see how different people handle this type of situation.
folieadeux Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Hi Aisle, I'm so sorry to hear about your SO's day. I always feels this way when he's having a hard time, which I think is totally normal. But on the flipside, I even get a bit resentful if I'm going through something and he can't be there for me because I feel like I take a backseat to other people in his life at times. I know it's childish of me and I've made strides to curb this behaviour as of late but I just can't help it. On second thought, I probably shouldn't even be giving any sort of advice on this topic seeing as it's something I still struggle with. I can only tell you what I would like done for me when I'm going through a rough patch. Aside from the obvious talking we do every day...I would want some sort of special effort to be made. Maybe make a surprise visit to her if that's possible or send her a little package? Just going that extra step to show that you care, to me at least, speaks volumes.
Author aisle_seat Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Hi folieadeux, thanks for your response. I think the feeling you describe, of taking a backseat to others, is unavoidable in an LDR sometimes. I would love to surprise her with an unscheduled visit, but with kids and jobs and cost (she's on the opposite coast) that kind of spontaneity just isn't possible. I agree with your idea of sending something special and do that often just "because". I am sending her flowers that will arrive tomorrow and a little package that she'll receive next week. I just wish there was something more immediate I could do.
folieadeux Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I think that's a wonderful idea!!!!! I'm sure she'll love everything. It's so frustrating I know not to be there RIGHT when everything is going in, but I'm sure she'll love the thought you put into her gifts.
HeavenOrHell Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I don't feel guilty, but frustrated, wanting to be there for him and hold him when he's stressed or not having a great time. Talking is all you can do really, letting them know you're there for them, cuddling them down the phone, so to speak. My SO is having a hard time today. She hasn't slept well the last couple nights and she just found out someone she used to work with and liked well passed away. We all have rough days and she's having one today. When your SO is having a tough time, do you feel guilty you can't be there with them to help ease their pain or at least take their mind off it? I do; I want to be there (literally, not figuratively) for her. Sometimes being available to talk just doesn't seem like enough and you want to be there to hold them, make them a good dinner and tuck them into bed and of course that's impossible to do in an LDR. What do you do, short of talking/Skyping, to help your SO through a tough time? Just throwing it out there to see how different people handle this type of situation.
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