Yuzuki Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I haven't posted in a little while so I thought I'd share my progress / vent a little. I feel like I made some kind of progress this week. The main reason for that - I think - is that I decided to avoid the canteen at work so that I don't have to see or hear him at all anymore. I still felt really awful last Friday - I had to run off to the restrooms at work and I slumped down on the floor crying. I only managed to drag myself back to my desk half an hour later. Really awful to experience. This weekend I distracted myself with a hobby and I took a day off on Monday to go shopping with a friend. Initially I was happy to be there with her and it took my mind off things a bit. But then I remembered how I would always go shopping or just randomly walk through the streets with my ex, and we would always hold hands. Even though I was in a different city, I really got that urge to have someone's hand to hold again but of course this time, he wasn't there. Still, I haven't cried (much) since Friday which is good because I can't remember the last day I'd gone without crying before that. However today while driving home, I'm pretty sure I saw him sitting in the bus I was driving by and it kind of hit me again. This wave of how much I love him and how badly I want to talk to him about some things that happened in my life / common interests. And the worst part - this feeling that I couldn't care less about anything or anyone in the entire world except for him. (Does anyone else ever feel like that? It's really annoying as it keeps me from enjoying anything at all.) One more thing I'm concerned about is that his birthday is coming up and it's not unlikely that he'll pass by our team with sweets. I honestly don't think I can manage taking one and wishing him happy birthday like you're supposed to do. It would be a big setback to make eye contact and talk to him, even if it's something that simple. I've also imagined how I would take something out of his basket and then throw it right into the bin next to me, but that's probably not a very grown-up thing to do. I'm thinking of just getting out of there if I do see him approach our team though. Any opinions on this? I just think it would be for the best to get up and leave (pretend to go to the restroom or something), to avoid feeling any worse than I already will by just seeing him. Mostly just wanted to write this down, but opinions and comments are of course welcome.
Recommended Posts