EnigmaticClarity Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Facebook gives nearly infinite ammunition for people causing problems. Pic with someone of other sex? Problems. Ambiguous comment made by someone of other sex? Problems. Private, incriminating correspondention somehow left for partner to see? Problems. Okay, this one is pretty heavy hitter and you don't need to be paranoid for it to cause problems. For paranoid, going on FB is like alcoholic going to the bar essentially. So Facebook exposes--in the order you listed them--unreasonable jealousy, unreasonable jealousy, and inappropriateness on your own part. Again, this isn't the fault of Facebook, it's just people's worst personality traits uncovered for the world to see. I welcome the opportunity to view my significant other freaking out about me talking to girls or having pictures of me with other girls (that I hadn't been in long-term relationships with) because it'd be a clear indication that she's someone I couldn't be with for long. I wish humans could read each other's minds, because if they could, privacy couldn't even exist. Privacy is a crutch people use to hide their problems. The way to live is completely out there, minus enough information to put yourself at significant risk of identity theft.
rafallus Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I wish humans could read each other's minds, because if they could, privacy couldn't even exist. Privacy is a crutch people use to hide their problems. The way to live is completely out there, minus enough information to put yourself at significant risk of identity theft. I completely and vocally disagree. You cannot lump all privacy concerns into "I'm hiding something evil and playing privacy card, because it's convenient". There are many things, which are not necessarily evil/morally reprehensive/forbidden by law, which you probably don't want for the whole world to see. How about having hot, racy, BDSM session with your partner recorded? Would you like your grandma to see the tape? Nor would I. Yet, it doesn't mean that such session was pure malice. Is privacy untouchable? No - I certainly wouldn't bash someone who snooped and found his wife was engaging in orgies with multiple other men. But I certainly wouldn't like to live in a glass house either. As for FB thing, do note, that there are people, who do something bad, but may not "just be like that". For example, imagine someone driven to cheat, by their obsessive and paranoid partner, who didn't even think of cheating, when having more reasonable one. Per analogy, yes, I do buy, that some paranoia may be specifically created by FB and not intrinistic for some people.
EnigmaticClarity Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 You cannot lump all privacy concerns into "I'm hiding something evil and playing privacy card, because it's convenient". There are many things, which are not necessarily evil/morally reprehensive/forbidden by law, which you probably don't want for the whole world to see. How about having hot, racy, BDSM session with your partner recorded? Would you like your grandma to see the tape? Nor would I. I am absolutely fine with my grandmother seeing a hot, racy, BDSM session in an image in my mind. And if we could all read each other's minds, she'd be fine with it, too, because she'd realize it's common because she had already seen it in the minds of thousands of people before me. So many things that are healthy yet still considered taboo to people because they don't realize how common they are would no longer be taboo if privacy were impossible.
Allie32 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Am I wrong for not deleting the photos? I hid the major albums of me and my ex on vacations, holidays with my fam, prom, etc. but some pictures I left up with the ones where it's a group picture, or if we're not hugging/cuddling/kissing. In my opinion, yes you are wrong. Pictures of yourself and your ex should be put away, not on display if you are dating someone new. Group shots are ok, I think.
Casablanca Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 In my opinion, yes you are wrong. Pictures of yourself and your ex should be put away, not on display if you are dating someone new. Group shots are ok, I think. Its not like its her profile picture or she is adding old pictures of her ex, Id understand if it was her profile pic...but its not (at least I hope its not) everything else is just history sitting around...no reason to delete them. If someone has a problem with someone having pics of their ex...is that person going to have problems with them having friends of the opposite sex? It's a trust issue he has, which to me is a relationship issue
rafallus Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 (edited) I am absolutely fine with my grandmother seeing a hot, racy, BDSM session in an image in my mind. And if we could all read each other's minds, she'd be fine with it, too, because she'd realize it's common because she had already seen it in the minds of thousands of people before me. So many things that are healthy yet still considered taboo to people because they don't realize how common they are would no longer be taboo if privacy were impossible. And you'd find that you can no longer deal with people you know, because they hold some past, minor, irrelevant grudges against you, or you will know loud and clear how stupid (if only!) they think you are, in a moment, when you mess something up. Or you will become deeply disturbed after reading out mind of some guy in a restaurant, by the table next to you, who has a foot fetish, and obsesses over this petite blonde's new heels. Or you will get incessantly frustrated, after you read out mind of a fat virgin, sitting next to you in the bus/train, who never even touched a girl, and in the moment went into pitiful "woe-is-me" mental rant. Examples can be multiplied. Of course, neither of these things would be aired out otherwise. Hell, screw, how disturbing someone's thoughts may be. How would you even concentrate in the first place? Edited September 9, 2011 by rafallus
miss_28 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 well, do you have pics all around your apartment of you and the ex? I don't know why it's unreasonable to put those pictures away for the sake of your new bf or why you need to expose your timeline to people who otherwise wouldn't care. If I were dating a guy who kept the ex in orbit, as someone put it, I'd be gone, not because I have issues, but seriously, who likes being or having a third wheel or being reminded of the ex you used to do it with? You don't have to destroy the pics, but what's wrong with putting them somewhere else? Unless you have to live your life on Facebook for the world to see, well that's your prerogative, but don't label the guy unfairly for not liking it or thinking that you can't let go of the past, and don't forget you are inviting people to see it all. If you are ok with seeing him and his ex together being all cute and cuddly, I don't know, that sounds like you're just not that into him. I could be wrong, just a hunch. I have a friend that keeps his ex on his fb profile, although she is long gone... and he tells me it's because he still has a thing for her and doesn't want to let go (it's been a year) and he doesn't want his ex to think he's out of the picture, so to speak. Of course, he uses the timeline excuse, but we all think that he's just staying in the past and masking it. Anyways, my 2 cents.
Pierre Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Honestly, I probably would have taken them down before he even mentioned it. I'd be worried that it would hurt my guy's feelings to see me snuggled up with another boyfriend, and I love him, and hate the thought of hurting him, so those pictures would have been gone and stored away before he ever saw them. Finally a woman with common sense. Bravo!!!!!!!!!
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