GoodGuy11 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 i am new to the forum and will try to keep this as short and to the point as i can, a little quick background, - been dating fiance for almost 5 years - engaged for almost 2 years - we lived about an hour away from each other - i moved into her house about 1.5 years ago - i now travel to work where i used to live i moved into her house with no discussion about finances which i know now was a stupid mistake, she has a very good job and makes great money and i guess i just assumed everything was fine financially, over the past 6 months i have found out she has very large personal debt to the tune of 60,000+, this is only consumer debt, on top of that is her mortgage and car loan and household bills and daily expenses, i dont make as much as her but i contribute pretty much 50% to the household bills, which she is fine with and never asks me for more, she is now doing a debt consolidation with a company to get this debt payed off over a 5 year period, paying one large lump sum each month, i guess it just bothers me that she never told me about all this debt previously, and i know some of it was accumulated through irresponsible or wreckless spending, i love her but i dont love the debt or the fact that she hid the debt from me, i feel like i resent her for this, and i am not sure i can look past this, am i being petty?
shayla Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 You are not at all being petty. This is a very serious issue. Once you began living together, and planned a life together, she was obligated to tell you everything (and you to her as well) about her financial background. Perhaps she has made mistakes in the past and is trying to clean it up now. You need to know that. Maybe she is irresponsible, you need to know that too! I would not marry this woman until she has her house in order. Marrying her could cause her debt to become yours too. If not, her spending habits could cause real hardship in your relationship.
Author GoodGuy11 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 You are not at all being petty. This is a very serious issue. Once you began living together, and planned a life together, she was obligated to tell you everything (and you to her as well) about her financial background. Perhaps she has made mistakes in the past and is trying to clean it up now. You need to know that. Maybe she is irresponsible, you need to know that too! I would not marry this woman until she has her house in order. Marrying her could cause her debt to become yours too. If not, her spending habits could cause real hardship in your relationship. thanks for the reply, i have already told her straight out that we can not get married until this debt is cleaned up
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I can understand why you'd be upset learning about something she kept from you. However, she is now taking measure to pay off the debt and she isn't asking you to help her pay it off. I do think it's smart to not get married until the debt is paid off. And I think it would be good for both of you to have continued discussion about fiances. You also want to talk about what happens when you do get married and how your going to handle your back accounts and bills. Perhaps you know someone who is older then you for advice that you both can talk to together. Money is a reason that a lot of couples have trouble but if you both talk about both your expectations and be hoenst about where you stand, you can save yourself some grief. I also think you could be a little more supportive of her for the fact that she is trying to correct the problem.
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