deanieluv6 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I always felt that love and trust go hand in hand. but now I'm not really sure anymore. i've been married to the same man for 4 yrs ,together for almost 6. To make a long story short ,yes he's cheated on me ,and yes I know this to be a fact. I worked with the woman ,who told people at my job . and my husband told someone who it was and went it happened . but he looked me right in the eyes and lied about it . rather than to be a man and own up to it . Thats not all , Ive been told many different storys down through the years. but he lies again. about 3 months ago .He says Im walking down to the store to get him some beer. I didnt think much of it until he was gone an hour,then i started calling his phone and guess what he wouldnt answer it . so from 7pm till around 11pm I am calling his phone ....no answer. by then I was very mad. so I went and sat out in my car so I could see where he came from .guess what he's walking down the street with another woman . so I got out of car and walked right up to them. the **** hit the fan . he said he was at her house drinking beer with her, but wouldnt answer my calls. thats bull. then I found out that she works at his job with him. so when I have picked him up from work ,shes always in his face and he lets it happen . its driving me crazy. i have left him 3 times last summer. but stupid me always seems to come back. hes 41 and im 53 and its scary out there to be alone . but I'm not truly happy . I need help. I dont think he will ever tell me the truth ever.Why do I feel bad everytime I think about leaving him ,why cant I just leave .
2sure Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 You're being abused. Just so you know. Possibly you have been in abusive relationships before. Abuse comes in many different forms - physical, emotional, verbal, financial. Physical abuse gets all kinds of attention because it is obvious...but the rest can be tricky to identify or confront - especially to the victim. Sometimes women who are in or continue to be in abusive relationships stay because they have come to be almost comfortable or at least tolerant of some sort of abuse. "At least he doesnt hit me". Sometimes, it can even be that the abuser is more dependent on the victim than the other way around. But more often, the victim feels they need the person who is doing the damage. Youre right. You have to trust him. And you dont and for good reason. Why do you keep going back? I dont know, guess you better talk about it.
Author deanieluv6 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I get this feeling ,I have to go back . I was staying with my daughter. but I couldnt stop calling him and I longed to go home . He tells me he loves me ,That I'm beautiful. And he has put his hands on me on jan 2 ,2009. found him with his arms around a woman , I blow up ,walked out told him not to touch me ,he followed me out . walked up to me and pushes me so hard ,I hit the ground . it was a mess. I went to the hospital and they called the police but I didnt press charges. and i got passed it. He yells ,so I keep my mouth closed . but I do stand up for myself more than I use too. he drinks ,I dont. sometimes I feel like he keeps me around for my car and to help pay bills . I'm so mixed up . part of me wants to leave . the other part wants to stay here. where I can feel kinda safe. I think ,I dont know anymore .maybe Im scared that if I leave I will regret it .
2sure Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Gotcha . Well, I guess the next question is the one with the answer that is the hardest to think about much less say. But you have to. What is it about leaving that you feel you will regret? What is it you're afraid of if you leave? Im close to your age - I can probably guess. But the alternative - living solo and content , open to healthy relationships of all kinds, without focusing on a crappy one...is not a bad option. Its a great one.
Leet Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I hope I spelled your name correctly - I also am close to your age - like 2sure. I have been in your predicament most of my adult life. I always selected men who were emotionally abusive and irresponsible ( to say the least.) They honestly did not care how thier actions affected me. I thought there was something wrong with me and tried to make it work many times- but I always wound up being betrayed. People like the men you and I selected CAN'T love. Those types of men are about thier own pleasure and nothing else. So I decided to leave men alone. I went for 23 years with NO romantic relationship just so I could raise my daughter without clouding her life with my obsessive relationships with selfish men. Okay - Now the daughter is grown and married and on her own. So I decided to give romance a try again. Same deal - this man seemed very nice - but he was insincere with an addiction to pornography - AND a liar. So - I left him. Which is better - life with a significant other wherein you have no peace because distrust is always at the back of your mind ... Or life without a SO that is free of suspicion and frustration and humiliation? By myself, I have peace and respect. I have a beautiful daughter and SIL and two beautiful grand daughters. I have true friends. I have respect on my job and earn enough to support myself. What's to complain about? Sure it gets lonely sometimes - after all - there's nothing like a man to love ... But all in all I am happier without the drama and disrespect of being with a man who won't love me enough to make me happy. Maybe if you let this man go and start treating yourself right, you'll feel the same way I do. Deanieluv, what is so scary about being on your own? Finances, shelter, loneliness ? What is it? Tell me please.
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