musiclover123 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months and were really good friends before we got together. He's like my been best friends too; which is why i think it hurts twice as much... I was down visiting family for just over a week, and he text me everyday, asking when i was home, rang me asking how my day was going etc. Until the day i got back, my cousin was staying over for a girly night. He had rung and said he was staying round his friends house with this girl who he's been friends with for years. He sent me a text saying he loved me and never wanted to hurt me, but he had kissed the girl that night. He said it was just a peck and he felt horrible about it, and that was why he was telling me straight away. At first I started laughing. shaky; but laughing. But after that passed, i had the uncontrolloble feeling of being betrayed. We talked on the phone and he said he would understand if i broke it off with him, but he loved me and wished i would think it over. The next day, we met up and went for a walk; i made jokes about it at the start, not knowing what to say. But after i asked him why he did it and he said he didnt know; i just blew up. I said you dont just kiss someone for no reason, especially her, since theyve been close for a few years. He said he was an idiot and he didnt know why he did it. I demanded he text her, ask her why they did it, and he did exactly that, and she text back "because we both have feelings for eachother?". I was devastad, and he text back he didnt and that he loved me and wished it never happened. I ended up in tears, telling him i didnt want to be with him anymore, maybe i could be his friend, but i couldnt be with him, he could be with her. But he begged me to sit and calm down. I said, things wouldnt be the way they were for a long time, and he just got all happy that i wasnt breaking it off with him. He promised he wouldnt talk to her again, but its all i can think about. And the fact that im a push over for letting him back so quickly. Thing is, although he told me straight away, i dont know if i can trust him anymore, i cant help but think im clearly not enough for him. I honestly dont know what to do :/ any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Professor X Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Well, aside from the fact that people would tell you what they would have done instead of you (break up with / give him a 2nd chance), there isn't much we can say to you. We aren't in your shoes so certainty can't be given, but from the way I feel you right now, I'd say you'd be better off without him. The act of betrayal he showed really got under your skin, which is perfectly fine, but it seems you can't coop with future thoughts. Also, how old are you? You 2 sound very young and if this is the case, than I'd advice even stronger on breaking up with him and finding something new. And to add to that you guys aren't super super long together, 9 months is nice, but not as close as to 2 years or 3 years (where you're well beyond the honeymoon phase).
GivenUp0083 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 If you feel betrayed and you know in your heart you cannot be with him, then you gotta go with how you feel. But let's look at how this situation could be a LOT worse: - He was honest upfront and told YOU about it, you didn't hear from someone else and he didn't deny it - He feels terrible. Many guys don't care if they cheat. - He has done everything you asked, including tell the other girl he doesn't like her and that he loves you. Many guys would keep her on the backburner in case you did in fact dump him, but he told her off and ruined his chance with her. - He's even willing to be your friend and take a step backwards in hopes of staying with you and building on the relationship, he could easily just run home crying into the arms of the other girl, but he's not, he's with you. - It was only a peck. Not condoning it, but it's not like he put it in her or used his tongue. She could have been the one making the kiss and he was just standing there. If it were me? I'd take some time away to think. Tell him you need some time to think about things and let things cool off, tell him you will call him in a week to talk more. Take a week to just chill and think about things and time will tell you what the right move is. Do what YOU feel like, don't do what others tell you or make you feel like you're a push over if you take him back. If you love him and can forgive him there's no shame in trying to make it work, I think it's honorable. People make mistakes, he is human, but how people act after they make mistakes is what you should evaluate, not always the mistake that was made. Sounds to me like this guy is legit and is doing all the right things worthy of holding onto, but you know him better than any of us.
KristaDanielle Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 From another girl's perspective, the fact that he told you right away that it had happened can mean one of two things: he feels like crap for doing it or someone else might have seen it and had a chance of telling you before he did. Either way, for him to text the girl upfront when you asked him and understanding your anger is pretty good. If I was in your shoes, I'd be pissed off, too. I'd want to hit him over the face and just know why he did it. But the fact is that we're human. We makes mistakes, mistakes lead to problems, and problems lead to conflict and anger. What your feeling is normal; I would feel betrayed, too. But you know him well enough to know if he is being truthful about feeling bad or not. Maybe he did it just in the heat of the moment. But from what i've read, I would say that he does infact love you and feel terrible, but it's always your call. Good luck
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