Dblock10 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I am confused about how i feel about her now that its been 33days of NC. last night i went out with friends, had some good looking girl friends of mine hang out with me and my two mates. but i still ended up missing my ex and getting emotional about the whole thing. She leaves to go travel around the world 24th this month. I feel good and bad about being in NC. Everyone i know has told me to not bother contacting her. Part of me is ok with it, part of me isn't. i guess i dont want to reach out because i feel she should be the one to have messaged me due to how we ended "that" day. i also dont want to contact her and be ignored or get into an argument and let feelings get the better of me. but i am also hurting not talking to her or just having some form of contact with her. the advice i have received here is go nc and stick to it. i have also had the advice that i should wait the week before she leaves and txt her wishing her good luck etc. or wait longer until a month into her travel and send a birthday message on fb, ask how she is getting on etc. i just dont know what to do anymore
smudge21 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Tough one - I can see both sides to the argument here, so I'll just tell you what I'd probably do, right or wrong. One the day she leaves, text her wishing her well, and then saying goodbye. Simple and nice, no indication of sadness but with it being kinda' final too. I wouldn't text on her birthday after that as I see her leaving as that final nail in the coffin. To get that text just before she leaves may just stay with her as it will be an emotional time anyway. I'm not saying what affect it would have, if any, but it just seems better. Other than that, no contact is your only weapon in this war of emotions. That's my opinion.
Author Dblock10 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Tough one - I can see both sides to the argument here, so I'll just tell you what I'd probably do, right or wrong. One the day she leaves, text her wishing her well, and then saying goodbye. Simple and nice, no indication of sadness but with it being kinda' final too. I wouldn't text on her birthday after that as I see her leaving as that final nail in the coffin. To get that text just before she leaves may just stay with her as it will be an emotional time anyway. I'm not saying what affect it would have, if any, but it just seems better. Other than that, no contact is your only weapon in this war of emotions. That's my opinion. thanks smudge, yeah its a tough one. right or wrong it would probably be good to send a goodbye take care have fun txt. do i mention that the break up was for the best, or not mention the break up at all from this point? so sending a txt before she goes (on the actual day ? or day before she leaves? ) would be more powerful than once she is out there, i guess you are right. she will be getting a heap of birthday messages anyway. but does the txt if i send it before she leaves "have" to be the final nail? yeah it will be an emotional time for her i guess you are right! you say " I'm not saying what affect it would have, if any, but it just seems better" better than not sending anything? i feel a bit crap still that she never asked how i was doing or took anytime to ask about my nan etc.. seems quite dry and non caring.. and i do wonder if she would reply to my final txt to her :s and if she did it kinda scares me what she might say. either way i will no doubt post here what the response (if any) was here. i am thinking sending something like this > ( i will probably edit this a thousand times before i actually send it lol) hey, just wanted to wish you good luck on your trip, have an amazing time! hope you packed the mosquito plug i gave you. be careful ( or stay safe :S ) byee xx or (love "me"?)
smudge21 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 No mentions of break up or anything about the relationship, and cut out the little one-liner too. The last thing you want is for her last text she ever receives from you to be a funny one - might as well send her a joke instead. Trust me, you'll only regret that. If it's the almost last text she gets before she leaves it may (note the word "may") have more impact, but the fact is you will never know, as I doubt she'll reply, or if she does, it will be basic. Just be prepared for no response and consider that an ending and you ended it well - in a mature way by wishing her well. Go with something like this: "Hi, just wanted to wish you well and hope it all works out for you. Take care. x" - It's short and simple. You give nothing away, no jokes, no mentions of the past and it's final. You will hurt after sending it and for a few days too... be prepared for that. If she replies, post here before replying back.
Author Dblock10 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) yeah your right about the mosquito plug one liner and not bringing up the BU. yeah i'm worried if i send something like what you said then its like the absolute goodbye and that is scary. and that her reply to this > "Hi, just wanted to wish you well and hope it all works out for you. Take care. x" would be something like, hey, thanks, yeah good luck at uni hope it all goes well. x (if she replies at all) would make me feel empty. yeah i would reply here if she does reply and i do actually send something. the last words in person with her i had were better than what i could say in a text, so might just leave it. but wouldn't want her thinking i was rude by not speaking to her again before she leaves?:S i guess i need to know would i be wrong for not sending a txt to her to wish her well and to take care? last things said in person were, goodbye have a safe amazing trip, see you in 6 months and we were joking that neither of us in that time would probably want to see one another. so she said "were'll see then wont we!" oh and i told her if she wanted to see me again before she leaves, she knows where i am... so? again it boils down to this >> would i be wrong for not sending a txt to her to wish her well and to take care? Edited September 7, 2011 by Dblock10
smudge21 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 There really is no right or wrong, it's about what do you want to do. If you don't text and miss that chance, how will you feel. In same sense, you send the text and get no reply. Or you send it and she replies but it's basic. I know I've sent texts to ex's before and all I got back was "lol" or an "x"... seriously, what the hell was that?!?!? Made me more annoyed then ever but at least it made me realise a few things. It's a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't. Personally I see nothing wrong ever with being polite - you're not stalking her or begging, you just wishing her well. If she has an issue with that, well that says more about her than it does about you. Just think about it for a while. I would send the text, but that's only my opinion.
Author Dblock10 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 have you seen this thread of mine > http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t294771/?highlight=dblock10 some conflicting opinions there. your right, there is no right nor wrong. hmm how would i feel if i don't :s god... ! yeah would sure be interesting to see if she would reply, and also what she may say. i still find it horrible that she is going. and we have broken up and that she wont be at uni with me again. really makes me sad. catch 22 situation. I feel like, without bitterness and ego, it is the right thing to do. however although we ended on good terms, i still find it hard that i haven't heard from her since 4 and a half weeks ago. ! Ive been thinking about it all day
smudge21 Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I think there's a difference between opening those channels of contact and sending one last text to wish her well. I can see why others would say stay NC if you're intention was to get her talking again, as it's clear right now, that's not what she wants, and you'll only end up being more hurt. However, being polite and wishing her well is just a very nice natural thing to do. I see no harm in it as long as you don't expect to gain anything from it. If you're hoping for more or a reply, then don't do it cos that's not the intention here. It is simply to show you care and hope she has a good time. It's no different in theory to saying it to any other friend. I'm faced with something similar very soon with the ex's birthday. Now we are on talking terms but haven't seen each other since I said goodbye. There's no bitterness or anger towards her I just have to stay NC (well, LC) with her. In that regards, do I wish her happy birthday. The polite gentleman side of me says yes. I don't expect a reply, but I'll probably get a "thanks, x" or similar. In my mind, that is just being polite to someone who I consider a friend. Obviously, if a break up is full of cheating and lies and there's been plenty of hurt, then forget it. I think you will feel bad if you don't wish her well, but in the same sense, you may feel bad if she doesn't respond, or if she responds with something basic. Truly a catch 22. Best way is to wait until zero-hour: the last time you can send it and then see how you feel. If you want to send it, do it, but remember that is what you wanted to do, so don't regret it later.
wolf1one Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) look man, i think you are reading into this whole thing a bit too much. The reality is that you are looking for which move will most likely get her back to you. None of these moves will. They are all pretty neutral, and you are obviously looking for crumbs. If you want to know what I would do ... I personally would send the text before she left because it seems more fitting as a goodbye. She can fend for herself on her birthday ... trust me. She will get enough happy bday's on facebook. it isn't as special as it used to be. One day though you will see that you will be running out of special days to be "polite" with her. The NC rule is cool ... but if you are confident enough in not crying because you broke it (like some people on here do) then send a damn text because that one text is not going to burn any bridges with your ex, and if she doesn't answer it, then it solidifies your standing in her life at the moment (i.e. "not in"). Action is always better than waiting. Stop waiting. That's what drives us insane. Edited September 8, 2011 by wolf1one
Author Dblock10 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 yeah i the way i feel is that i stand more to loose. and a txt from me isn't going to make her think about me is it. also if i txted her and got a reply, i would then want to talk to her more, and tell her about my nan, i think it would make me want to talk about the relationship again and it would just end up hurting me :S so in that sense wouldn't be best. but whats wrong with talking to her? i'm fairy certain she would txt back, if i txted her before she left, like a week before she goes as apposed to on the day. i dont even know if she is going to take her phone... I can see why others would say stay NC if you're intention was to get her talking again, as it's clear right now, that's not what she wants, and you'll only end up being more hurt. how so? wolf i know what your saying about wanting something that will get her back, but i know it isn't possible right now. i just want her to consider me when she is back or something :S i dont no. The NC rule is cool ... but if you are confident enough in not crying because you broke it (like some people on here do) then send a damn text because that one text is not going to burn any bridges with your ex, and if she doesn't answer it, then it solidifies your standing in her life at the moment (i.e. "not in"). Action is always better than waiting. Stop waiting. That's what drives us insane. yeah it is cool.. i wouldn't cry about it. but i may feel like i am eating a plate of regret. in a way it would be good for it to solidify my position in her life. but at the same time that could hurt. yeah i really dont know if i would feel that bad, as at the end of the day she never contacted me during the time between me meeting her, ending it on good terms etc. so clearly she didnt want to hear from me or to meet me one more time before she left. my friend said to me, she has probably been seeing someone else during this whole time, which is why ive not heard from her. could be true :S
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