Woggle Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 This is why I advise men to look at all the porn they want. No man in his right mind will choose porn over a worthwhile woman and if she is worthwhile she will know that. Just make yourself happy because if you do that no matter what happens you still have your self respect.
sally4sara Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 This is why I advise men to look at all the porn they want. No man in his right mind will choose porn over a worthwhile woman and if she is worthwhile she will know that. Just make yourself happy because if you do that no matter what happens you still have your self respect. Kind of a useless thing to advise since it doesn't achieve anything. I don't think watching porn is a guaranteed way to eff up a relationship neither do I think watching porn is a cure or preventative to any relationship issue. I'm not even anti porn and I can't think of how advising someone to be a porn glutton is anything but **** stirring advise to cause conflict in a relationship that isn't your own. Why would you do that Woggle? I know the answer. Do you?
grkBoy Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I have slept with a lot of women in relatioships and I have noticed more and more are cheating. You look on their FB page and they say how they all in love but mess around all the time. Are you guys bored, horney, or what. I do know a few told me they felt pressured to settle down and now they are stuck but like to play around. The problem with your question is you're assuming there are women here who cheat. I don't think the cheaters would come on a message board and especially confess their infidelity. It's like when I see nice guys attack women for picking jerks or being entitled princesses...but they don't realize those particular women do not join message boards like these.
Woggle Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Kind of a useless thing to advise since it doesn't achieve anything. I don't think watching porn is a guaranteed way to eff up a relationship neither do I think watching porn is a cure or preventative to any relationship issue. I'm not even anti porn and I can't think of how advising someone to be a porn glutton is anything but **** stirring advise to cause conflict in a relationship that isn't your own. Why would you do that Woggle? I know the answer. Do you? I did it to say that many women on this board act like porn is some horrible thing a man does but completely justify a woman outright cheating. Women don't like it when men look at porn but we don't like getting cheated on either so if they don't care about our feelings why should we care about theirs?
Ginger Beer Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Cheating is worse than porn though. Porn isn't wrong. You can't seriously think every time I have a wank I'm thinking of my girlfriend?
visualbasicide Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Not to derail the topic but here's something im curious about, being the OM/OW isn't cheating by definition? Since they are "faithful" to the one that is cheating? Just doesn't seem like it works that way? If I would destroy someone elses relationship with little remorse, would I not treat my own in the same fashion? boundaries are boundaries regardless of who is setting them right? or is it just a free for all?
sally4sara Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I did it to say that many women on this board act like porn is some horrible thing a man does but completely justify a woman outright cheating. Women don't like it when men look at porn but we don't like getting cheated on either so if they don't care about our feelings why should we care about theirs? Why would you say women don't like it when men look at porn? I don't care one way or the other if men look at porn and I'm a woman. I can't say as it makes me happy; I feel about the same over it as I would feel about another person liking to look at birds or sunsets. I also don't get why we are comparing cheating with looking at porn. It would make more sense if you found women who hated that their male partner looked at porn yet thought it was perfectly fine for them to look at it. Maybe you're suggesting that women cheat because men look at porn? If anyone did this it would make them just about the dumbest person ever because that makes no sense. Or are you saying that men looking at porn IS cheating and if women don't like being cheated on they shouldn't cheat on their partners? If thats the case I'd say you have a right to your opinion but it is an opinion. I don't agree that looking at porn is cheating unless you agreed to a commitment with someone who believes porn viewing is cheating yet hide that you're still viewing porn. THEN it would be cheating because you agreed not to do it as a condition of the relationship.
Woggle Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 My point is that there are some women on this forum who are highly critical of a man looking at porn because it is disrespecting a woman but then go and justify outright.
QuixoteTilting Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) Not to derail the topic but here's something im curious about, being the OM/OW isn't cheating by definition? Since they are "faithful" to the one that is cheating? Just doesn't seem like it works that way? If I would destroy someone elses relationship with little remorse, would I not treat my own in the same fashion? boundaries are boundaries regardless of who is setting them right? or is it just a free for all? Uh...no. If I am in a monogamous relationship, I have essentially made a promise to my partner not to sleep with anyone else. I have a responsibility to uphold that promise, that is the nature of the obligation. I don't have any responsibility to force other people to obey promises they make. That has nothing to do with me. Sleeping with a married woman isn't me "destroying" her relationship. It's her doing the damage to the relationship. If it wasn't with me, it could just as easily be with someone else. My point is that there are some women on this forum who are highly critical of a man looking at porn because it is disrespecting a woman but then go and justify outright. You will find women who will object to virtually any behavior that is involved with a man's sexuality. This is not surprising. It's not a mainstream point of view, however. Edited September 7, 2011 by QuixoteTilting
visualbasicide Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Uh...no. If I am in a monogamous relationship, I have essentially made a promise to my partner not to sleep with anyone else. I have a responsibility to uphold that promise, that is the nature of the obligation. I don't have any responsibility to force other people to obey promises they make. That has nothing to do with me. Sleeping with a married woman isn't me "destroying" her relationship. It's her doing the damage to the relationship. If it wasn't with me, it could just as easily be with someone else. You will find women who will object to virtually any behavior that is involved with a man's sexuality. This is not surprising. It's not a mainstream point of view, however. Why then, demand the same rules in your own relationship that you help destroy in anothers? Maybe they will cheat with someone else, maybe they won't but it seems like it undermines the whole concept.
sally4sara Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Uh...no. If I am in a monogamous relationship, I have essentially made a promise to my partner not to sleep with anyone else. I have a responsibility to uphold that promise, that is the nature of the obligation. I don't have any responsibility to force other people to obey promises they make. That has nothing to do with me. Sleeping with a married woman isn't me "destroying" her relationship. It's her doing the damage to the relationship. If it wasn't with me, it could just as easily be with someone else. The same logic could be applied to someone falling asleep on the train next to you with money visible in their bag. If you don't take the money, anyone else could just as easily take it for themselves. Yet some of us would rather not be like that anyone else who does dirty just because they can and someone else might do dirty as well. I try to be me, not anyone else. Don't you? Maybe you're saying that being you is being someone who would be an affair partner.
KR10N Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I have slept with a lot of women in relatioships and I have noticed more and more are cheating. You look on their FB page and they say how they all in love but mess around all the time. Are you guys bored, horney, or what. I do know a few told me they felt pressured to settle down and now they are stuck but like to play around.You've "slept around" w/ women? Well, it's obvious that you took part in cheating. Problem solved!
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Women are cheating more for the same reasons men always have.... because they can. Men cheat because they can get away with it, the consequences are minimal.... and they have ample opportunity. Plus, in our society, they are considered 'studs' for cheating. Now that women don't need men for financial support, birth control is quite reliable, and they have lots of opportunities, they can go for sex just like the guys always have. Even if the double standard hasn't changed, the same conditions that make it possible all have. I love pointing out situations where... "change the rules... change the behavior.." It's not about biology, folks....
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 For the record, I would not date someone who are ok with being the OM. The only possible exception is if they cleared the arrangement with the spouse of the woman they are sleeping with in advance. In that case, they aren't the OM... they are part of an 'open' relationship. I've had a number of men ask me to be the OW. My first thought is to ask them... "sure... lets me, you, and your wife sit down and make sure she is ok with that". Of course, that's not what I'm looking for... but at least I wouldn't be party to a lie.
Ginger Beer Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I like that women are posting and admitting women are cheating more (something which the cheating section reflects). Thanks for your honesty.
Woggle Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Women are cheating more for the same reasons men always have.... because they can. Men cheat because they can get away with it, the consequences are minimal.... and they have ample opportunity. Plus, in our society, they are considered 'studs' for cheating. Now that women don't need men for financial support, birth control is quite reliable, and they have lots of opportunities, they can go for sex just like the guys always have. Even if the double standard hasn't changed, the same conditions that make it possible all have. I love pointing out situations where... "change the rules... change the behavior.." It's not about biology, folks.... Didn't you once cut off a friend for cheating on her husband? Why are you then promoting women cheating in this post?
ASG Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Uh...no. If I am in a monogamous relationship, I have essentially made a promise to my partner not to sleep with anyone else. I have a responsibility to uphold that promise, that is the nature of the obligation. I don't have any responsibility to force other people to obey promises they make. That has nothing to do with me. Sleeping with a married woman isn't me "destroying" her relationship. It's her doing the damage to the relationship. If it wasn't with me, it could just as easily be with someone else. This. Sleeping with committed people when you're not, for me, is not cheating. My conscience is clean. I may not even know! Also, I don't enter relationships with MM or guys with GF. Did that once, a long time ago, and it was MORE than enough!
Ginger Beer Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Sleeping with someone you know is in a relationship is very immoral and you deserve whatever you get, no matter how bad it is.
sally4sara Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Didn't you once cut off a friend for cheating on her husband? Why are you then promoting women cheating in this post? If I explain how and why someone else drowned an entire litter of kittens is it the same thing to you as telling people they should drown entire litters of kittens?
Eddie Edirol Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 In a nutshell, women have more economic freedom now then they did decades ago. More economic freedom means a woman isn't as dependent on a man for her survival. She has less to loose if she is caught with another man because she can support herself now-a-days. They also have more oppurtunities that use to be only afforeded to men for the simple fact that men worked out in the real world and more women stayed at home with the kids. As economically free as woman are these days, I would bet money that if actual numbers were taken, there would be more "stay at home moms" that cheat more than others, especially the rich ones. I think that since nowadays, since people arent marrying their high school sweethearts like in the 50's, men and woman are having at least 6 relationships before they get married. People realize that they dont have to settle, they only live once, and they dont have to stick with people they fell out of love with. If you communicated something to your spouse that they do, that you dont like, and they say screw you and want to do it anyway, it chips away at your attraction to them. After a few times of this, people lose interest in investing in the relationship, and then they say "im gonna go do me now, and Im gonna be happy." There is a process to it. And if there isnt a process, then the cheater had an agenda from the beginning. And weve seen their spouses in denial right here on this board, who admitted they ignored the red flags. Cheating would help everyone learn how to watch red flags and act on them, if they didnt want to stay ignorant.
dasein Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Not to derail the topic but here's something im curious about, being the OM/OW isn't cheating by definition? Since they are "faithful" to the one that is cheating? Just doesn't seem like it works that way? If I would destroy someone elses relationship with little remorse, would I not treat my own in the same fashion? boundaries are boundaries regardless of who is setting them right? or is it just a free for all? Of course that's cheating, or something equally bad with a different name. You just haven't been inoculated to the level of rationalizations posters use here yet.
visualbasicide Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Me and my ex wife had an apartment, I didn't make great money but it was enough to get by on. She was always stressed about bills, so I switched jobs to make more money. Afterwards we got into some relationship issues and she bailed. I had to let the apartment go, I couldn't afford it alone. At the time, my new line of work took up lots of my time at home. I quit that job and worked things out with her, we had to move into her mothers house. I had another job that lasted a while, payed more but I had to work out of state, I was gone a lot, then I got layed off, I was on unemployment for a while afterwards. Then I got another job that payed well, everything was getting back on track. Then I got injured at work, they did anything they could to make me hate my continued employment there while I was injured. Eventually they switched my hours to where I only got to see my family on the weekends. They we're asleep when I came home and they left before I woke up. I was still injured and they were going to release me back to full duty anyway, so I left what would have been permanent physical, and then ultimately financial suicide. I got her a tattoo for our anniversary around this time, I left before they could cause me permanent physical harm for a job that was less physically demanding but when I got there the income just didn't pull through. She kicked me out of the house and as soon as I was gone she was nailing the tattoo guy and moved him right in. Someone with an abusive past, multiple criminal records and drug and alcohol problems. We had met where I was first employed above before the whole thing started, she often wanted to leave her work but she was good at it and I saw promotion in her future there so I always encouraged her to stay. Two months after she betrayed me she got the promotion. I never got to say goodbye to my step daughter and she hasn't talked to me since unless it was about me signing divorce papers. His income combined with hers allowed them to get their own place, he didn't have car payments (in my name) or credit card payments (all also in my name) and I'm not completely sure car insurance is even in the picture. So as far as I can tell, she is pretty much a prostitute. She screwed he way into a ratty little place out in the middle of nowhere. Betrayed me, lied to everyone about it, her daughter included and has since forgotten I ever existed. This "financially" minded argument varies greatly from person to person. Some women make more than the men do, my ex never made anything near what I made until the end of things. Most of the women I know of make less than their partners, though I am by no means saying this is the norm or its the way it should be, its just an observation, most of the women either have lower paying jobs, part time jobs or they are stay at home mothers. She wasn't "financially independent", she had to sleep her way there instead of waiting for me to get back on my feet. Which now seems very hard with two workers comp claims and a less than desirable work history. Had I NOT left my first employer to appease her, the situation might very well have played out very differently. The irony....lol Just giving everyone a different perspective, and maybe some insight of why I get cynical at times.
Easyguy14 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Even though it might be on a slight rise... Women cheat extremley rarely. Men still cheat ALOT more than women and it's not even close. Women don't have the same need to cheat like men do. Men think women are hot and men like sex so when they're wifes aint putting out they cheat, sometimes theres no reason other to than that they could and that they had the chance to have sex with another woman. Women don't really find men physically attractive. Women don't think "damn that guy was haaawt" if they see an attractive man, they more likely don't even notice "attractive" men. Women compared to men have a relativley weak sex drive, their desire for sex simply isn't as big as mens. Cheating is about sex, pretty much. Cheating is when you kiss or have sex with another person other than your spouse. And women just don't care enough about sex to cheat. Some men really need to get over themselves with their unfounded paranoia about women cheating. It is ridicilous. this is totally false and Im sure you have nothing substantial to back it up as its something you made up on a whim or too many rejections over time put this in your head. the major difference between men and women and sex is that women have much better self-control than men and wont put out unless she has the emotional connection with the man before allowing the physical part to take whole. men dont really care about emotion as its strictly physical before anything else and with less repercusions since men cant get pregnant.
visualbasicide Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Of course that's cheating, or something equally bad with a different name. You just haven't been inoculated to the level of rationalizations posters use here yet. To be completely honest, I'd rather skip the rationalizations, I have hear my share first hand and they we're all thinner than a runway model before the pageant.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Didn't you once cut off a friend for cheating on her husband? Why are you then promoting women cheating in this post? Not sure where I think I'm promoting it.. Just pointing out that the 'rules' have changed. To be honest, one of the biggest reasons I would never be the OW is because I wouldn't want to be with a man who cheats. I can't imagine him having anything I want, really. At the end of the day, choosing NOT to be an OW is pretty selfish on my part. There really is nothing in it for me to be an OW... not to mention that I do have integrity. ... and about my friend. Yes I have. I won't be an accessory to a lie. Alot of people use their friends as a 'foil' for their misdeeds. And I figure that anyone who would cheat on their spouse won't have a second thought about stabbing me in the back either. FYI... I just turned down an opportunity to be the OW to a pretty powerful local politician... whom I still need to work with. He apologized just today for acting inappropriately. I told him politely that I'd like to find ways to support each other without risking our reputations and integrity. Happy??
Recommended Posts