Kageytn Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I'm horrible at boundaries but I'm trying. I feel guilty after I set them then I walk right over them. I'm making a deliberate effort to value myself and set clear boundaries in my life. This has caused my ex much grief. As I mentioned in another thread, I received a text that the ex wanted to call me. I refuse to text him. I told him that was fine but I was not going to discuss my dating and I didn't want to be friends with him. His response was a huge text about not calling but I could date since he broke up with me and his feeling were hurt. I didn't respond. I just opened my email and had an email from him. He apologized for his treatment of me (in a very manipulative way) and said not being friends is crap. Boundary check here. I don't have to be his friend or respond right? I told him getting back together would require marriage and meeting his parents. We dated four years and I've never met the parents. And he has huge commitment issues. I just need reassurance I'm on the right course. I'm finally getting my life back together. I don't want to relapse or move backwards.
smudge21 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I think you know exactly what will set you back and you're doing well at the moment by staying so strong despite his contact. If this continues to give you doubts however, then you need to cut that out too. Make sure he can't make contact in any way... if that's really what you want. I sense you still have the door open for him and this is holding you back from moving on. Time to think what you really want as at the moment you seem to be stuck in limbo over all this.
0hpenelope Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 He's just upset that he's not getting his way with what he wants. You can choose to be friends with whoever you want and I'm sure you can recognize which people make you feel good about yourself and you can resolve issues with during a disagreement. That's love, respect, and trust; that means that you and those friends can work out disagreements and still stick together. I've said it before and I'll say it again here. If there's any group of people I feel complete dislike for and will not bother to try to make out a second impression from, it's the "dumpers" who feel that their "dumpees" owe them support, consideration, etc. post-break up. F*ck that. They want the break up, they get it, and the "dumpee" in discussion is not obligated to give them anything. Not support, not understanding, not time. Zilch. If you become friends in the future, that's all well and good too. Right now, however, it's not what you want and he needs to back off. Why not help him back off and kick him there? Well, metaphorically kick him, I mean. Looks like you are because you're observing your boundaries. Keep it up!
flitzanu Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 well, you two are not dating. you are no longer required to give reason or explanation for anything you do in your life. (not that relationships are requirement to give reason, just generally expected and accepted) he's not with you, you're not with him. hell, even if he wasn't your ex, is there some God-given statute that you are required to be his friend? no.
maylis Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 He doesn't sound healthy when you were in a relationship and still now. I think you're doing awesome for yourself, don't let him manipulate you!
Kamila Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Like many above, i tend to agree that you are doing fine without him. And you don't owe him anything. You are free to choose to not contact him. What he is trying to accomplish here is to try to manipulate you. He thinks he knows your weak spots, but hey, you're a much stronger person now.
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