Trolly Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I've been broken up with my ex for over 4 months now. She left me and i've only fully accepted the breakup over the last 2 weeks. I found out that she's dating people which has been a tough pill to swallow. I've been very angry at her over the last few days. I guess i'm just shocked that all of the plans and promises that we made to each other over the course of a 2 1/2 year relationship didn't seem worthy of honoring in her mind as much as mine. Love can seem so strong at times it almost seems like a physical entity. I know that she still has a love for me, the issues she had/has with me apparently overshadow that love. Where does that almost tangible love go? That's what I keep asking myself.
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 How will you step through this loss ? Set a plan up ? Do you work out or play sports ? If not now is the time for you to take care of your life ? Who are your resources ? Family, friends, your dog or cat ? Reach out to all of them. Expect to have good days and strong waves of bad days ! I challenge you to find ways to be at peace with yourself. Work on you to come through this healing process OK ? Best of luck to you. Time for a new deal of cards. Queen of Hearts 10
Author Trolly Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I've dealing in a few ways. Paramount has been to resolve whatever insecurities and false beliefs (subconscious) that i've had which negatively impacted my relationship/s and friendships. This has been through counseling and self help books. Additionally I do work out a few times a week and i've picked up new interests such as rock climbing and dance instructions. What's probably been most helpful has been that fact that i've gone back to school. Having that social outlet has been great, but also just the idea of having girls talk to me and appreciate me has been nice. I guess after reaching out to my ex for 3 months and trying to reconcile and watching her pull away, I realized I wasn't doing myself any favors. I wasn't giving myself time to heal or work on myself completely and she wasn't changing her mind. Frankly all that was left was to forget about her and if we work out in the future then so be it and if not then time to move along. Not that these feelings have come so easily or without pain, but it seems for the best at this point.
Lis007 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Try 20 years.... I am not discounting your pain at all but its never easy...
reimeivn Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 i think she doesnt love you anymore. if she does, she wouldnt have dated other people. if there is something there, it must not be love, and yes while it can still hold you guys together, the will of separating has taken her away from you. i want you to read that over and over again and think about it. know that even when you dont feel like she loves you anymore, and dont want to be back with her, the attachment, and the empty space she left still there for you to deal with. me i stopped thinking he loved me a day after the breakup, i went completely NC, and its been 4 months. i still hurt, i still cry. and the pill havent got into me yet. i know he is seeing people, but i am scared to death thinking about how he is head over heels with somebody again. but i try to tell myself it doesnt matter. we are done already and so he can do whatever he wants. the regret and guilt are what hold me back, what hold you back?
Author Trolly Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I only say she still loves me because she has said that she still has a love for me, but I know that's likely not the same love she had for me. She has said that i have made too much of an impact on her life for to ever not have a love for me. Still though, she also said she never wants to be in a relationship with me again, because she doesn't think that we would work. Either way I have lost my hope for her and I. She has offered friendship. That's something I don't think I could ever accept
reimeivn Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 i think it depends on how she treated you during the relationship in order to consider that. my ex was never into me as a friend so i told him that i would be his family not friend, which means i dont talk bad about him and i respect him as he was there in an important part of my life, but no we are not hanging out and i cut him off from my life, just as he wished. but it is still too early to decide. so just tell her that you dont know.
Author Trolly Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I think much like myself, she gave all that should could even though there were mistakes. I guess that's why it hurts that she's giving next to nothing now although I realize she owes me nothing. Also it's been ruff since we had become each others best friends before the relationship and certainly while in it. now that's gone.
lymtal1 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 trolly, i am so sorry you are having to go through this. i am glad that you have found this site, it will help you very much. i can relate as i too went through a very similar situation. 2.5 years. planning for the future, shopping for dresses, rings, hearing the group of friends talk about how we were the perfect couple etc etc etc. about 4 months ago she clearly got gigs (grass is greener syndrome). check it out here as it may apply to you as well. i was devestated as i know you are. you can't believe that it has happened and you really don't know where to go and how to get through it. i think you are getting some good advice related to distancing yourself from her now to start to heal. going no contact is not easy. it is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life if you have not done it before. but you have to go there. the bottom line is you don't want to know what she is doing and who she is doing it with. you can't handle knowing and honestly knowing will do you nothing but bring more pain. and it really just doesn't matter. i hope you get some relief from this, it will just take whatever time it takes. don't pressure youself with a timeline as you will have good days and bad. it is definately not linear. stay busy, do some reading on how to get thrrough this (great self help books out there) (getting over your break-up is very helpful), don't put any pressure on going out with anyone yet, and by all means stop looking for information.
sleepykitten Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I agree 100% with Lymtal, I thought I was ok, felt strong, felt confident, then heard something via someone else about him and his new g/f looked on her fb to see all her status about him and it was like being at day one again. NC is really the only way to move on and heal, i broke it in the beginning, and he called to meet up once since then bar on phone call last week which set me off again it has to be strict nc, if I had done that from the beginning I would be further down the line to feeling better, its been such an emotional rollercoaster and any contact, info etc really will just set you back big time.
Recommended Posts