bluenightowl Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Do any of you find when you date someone you are attracted to but see little or no LTR potential you just go for sex faster? You might like them enough, like to date them, but they are really no one who you would want to marry, but hey you haven't had sex for a while and it could be fun. You might not even care if its just casual sex or not and not care if they are dating anyone else or not because you are still looking for the BBD yourself. It might lead to a LTR, but you really don't care and if tomorrow you meet someone better, then fine. If they dump you, no big deal. It sucks for a few hours. Then when you date someone who has incredible LTR potential in your eyes, you immediately want to not date anyone else, go exclusive, and not rush things ESP. the sex. You light up and they can almost do no wrong in your eyes. Is that how you date? And if so why do you date like this? I hear woman and some men describe this scenario allot on these boards and elsewhere. I think recently someone said they have sex with the bad boys but marry the good boys, or to put it another way, if you really don't care about them, then you'll have sex on date x, but wait with the guy you like and get to know him. I think this could apply to both genders.
sally4sara Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Do any of you find when you date someone you are attracted to but see little or no LTR potential you just go for sex faster? You might like them enough, like to date them, but they are really no one who you would want to marry, but hey you haven't had sex for a while and it could be fun. You might not even care if its just casual sex or not and not care if they are dating anyone else or not because you are still looking for the BBD yourself. It might lead to a LTR, but you really don't care and if tomorrow you meet someone better, then fine. If they dump you, no big deal. It sucks for a few hours. Then when you date someone who has incredible LTR potential in your eyes, you immediately want to not date anyone else, go exclusive, and not rush things ESP. the sex. You light up and they can almost do no wrong in your eyes. Is that how you date? And if so why do you date like this? I hear woman and some men describe this scenario allot on these boards and elsewhere. I think recently someone said they have sex with the bad boys but marry the good boys, or to put it another way, if you really don't care about them, then you'll have sex on date x, but wait with the guy you like and get to know him. I think this could apply to both genders. I have to be able to have some admiration/see value in a person to be able to have sex with them. Sometimes I found these things in a person quickly because they were just an all around awesome person. Sometimes the circumstances of my association with them or because they were more introverted, it took a good while before I found these things in someone. I don't remember thinking about whether or not I would marry them. I guess I never had marriage on the brain enough to ponder that so much. Besides, something like marriage should take some long, seriously well informed time to know if you would marry someone. And for me it would take a lot longer than I want to wait just to enjoy sex with someone I already like and admire. If I had ever met someone that I knew I had absolutely no interest of a future and could not find much I liked about them, well, why would I even be considering them for sex? Maybe it is down to never using the dance hall or bar scene to find people to date? I went for the dancing and socializing but didn't go trolling for hook ups or trying to meet someone for dating. Most of the people I've dated were ones I met and got to know through friends before I made my interest known or guys who asked me out and I found attractive enough to say yes. I never went for the whole game of hanging my hat on someone as though I knew they were "the one" and made them (wouldn't it just be making us both wait?) wait some period of time longer for sex than I did someone else. I didn't have some set time or number of dates required before wanting to be intimate. It was always much more about feeling comfortable enough to want to without reservations. I also don't get the whole BBD thing either. If I thought someone wasn't going to be who I wanted for a long term partner I just didn't commit to them enough to still be looking for the BBD. If I did think of them as long term partner possibility - no I wasn't still looking around because I had already made an informed decision about who I was with.
rafallus Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) Is that how you date? And if so why do you date like this? I hear woman and some men describe this scenario allot on these boards and elsewhere. I think recently someone said they have sex with the bad boys but marry the good boys, or to put it another way, if you really don't care about them, then you'll have sex on date x, but wait with the guy you like and get to know him. I think this could apply to both genders.Have to admit, this is really really weird approach. I mean, if I was treated this way, in that my partner was withholding intimacy from me on a seemingly pre-planned basis, while she didn't do that with other guys, this would make me question, if she wants to get into relationship, because she genuinely likes me, or if there isn't some disturbing ulterior motive underneath. It's not that all people who wait are like that (if they want to wait with any partner they have, their choice), but those who make such distinction between guys to **** spontaneously, and guys to withhold intimacy from, do not seem to be very appealing to me. Edited September 7, 2011 by rafallus
Andy_K Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 This is why, ironically, I tend to have more respect for girls the sooner we sleep together. At least that way I know she's not playing games and holding back.
phineas Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Have to admit, this is really really weird approach. I mean, if I was treated this way, in that my partner was withholding intimacy from me on a seemingly pre-planned basis, while she didn't do that with other guys, this would make me question, if she wants to get into relationship, because she genuinely likes me, or if there isn't some disturbing ulterior motive underneath. It's not that all people who wait are like that (if they want to wait with any partner they have, their choice), but those who make such distinction between guys to **** spontaneously, and guys to withhold intimacy from, do not seem to be very appealing to me. I've dated women like this & the truth is they just arn't that into you. The very fact that you'd wait around for them to decide when it's ok for you to have sex is actually a major turn off to them because the kind of guys who they normally date have the "if you won't do it, i'll find a woman who will" attitude & it attracts them. I know how to deal with women like this now. I consider low quality & really only good for casual dating (sex). This is why, ironically, I tend to have more respect for girls the sooner we sleep together. At least that way I know she's not playing games and holding back. This. Sex is not some mystical gift a woman offers up to a man who proves himself worthy. If they really think this, then she needs to consult a lawyer & sue for damages because there are a ton of women in bars across the country giving it out for free or at least the cost of a few drinks.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 This. Sex is not some mystical gift a woman offers up to a man who proves himself worthy. If they really think this, then she needs to consult a lawyer & sue for damages because there are a ton of women in bars across the country giving it out for free or at least the cost of a few drinks. I'm approaching from the other side, that her holding off on sex isn't because she is trying to manipulate men, but because she sees a chance at a successful relationship and there are countless articles talking about the virtue of delaying sex a bit so you can really get to know someone and be successful in a relationship. If such a person is willing to have sex with someone early and not someone else, I do agree you have to wonder about her overall character or state of mind/readiness, but people are strange creatures and generally selfish. However, it would mean she loves sex as much as any man. I think men do this as well sometimes if its a woman they just meet at a bar, and they are both horny and that its, he'll have sex, but if she is a wonderful woman, some might want to take the time to nurture the budding relationship before complicating it.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 This is why, ironically, I tend to have more respect for girls the sooner we sleep together. At least that way I know she's not playing games and holding back. ... and this is why, ironically, I have less respect for men who want to sleep with me sooner. I used to automatically assume that all men wanted was sex... and really didn't put much thought into the timing of it. I learned though, that when a man is really into a woman, he will wait... and when he is seriously wanting a LTR, he will have his OWN reasons for wanting to get to know the woman before sex. So, if a guy pushes for sex early, I just naturally assume a) He doesn't care about me and doesn't respect me b) all he cares about is sex c) he has poor impulse control None of these are attractive qualities in a man I'd want in a LTR. If a guy pushes and can't seem to wait past the 'magical' 3-4 dates he is automatically out of the running for LTR material.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I've dated women like this & the truth is they just arn't that into you. The very fact that you'd wait around for them to decide when it's ok for you to have sex is actually a major turn off to them because the kind of guys who they normally date have the "if you won't do it, i'll find a woman who will" attitude & it attracts them. I know how to deal with women like this now. I consider low quality & really only good for casual dating (sex). This. Sex is not some mystical gift a woman offers up to a man who proves himself worthy. If they really think this, then she needs to consult a lawyer & sue for damages because there are a ton of women in bars across the country giving it out for free or at least the cost of a few drinks. Sex is a mystical 'gift' a man and woman give each other and an expression of intimacy. Waiting till they get to know each other a bit only makes it better. Not waiting proves nothing except your desire to have your own needs met at (usually) another person's expense. Not attractive. Not even all that fun. Casual sex is boring.
phineas Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I'm approaching from the other side, that her holding off on sex isn't because she is trying to manipulate men, but because she sees a chance at a successful relationship and there are countless articles talking about the virtue of delaying sex a bit so you can really get to know someone and be successful in a relationship. If such a person is willing to have sex with someone early and not someone else, I do agree you have to wonder about her overall character or state of mind/readiness, but people are strange creatures and generally selfish. However, it would mean she loves sex as much as any man. I think men do this as well sometimes if its a woman they just meet at a bar, and they are both horny and that its, he'll have sex, but if she is a wonderful woman, some might want to take the time to nurture the budding relationship before complicating it. I really don't have a problem with waiting & getting to know someone IF THEY ARE A QUALITY WOMAN.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I really don't have a problem with waiting & getting to know someone IF THEY ARE A QUALITY WOMAN. Ok, Phineas... sweetheart... darling... how do you know if they are quality unless you wait a little??
Woggle Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Ok, Phineas... sweetheart... darling... how do you know if they are quality unless you wait a little?? Some people reveal lack of quality pretty early.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Some people reveal lack of quality pretty early. Well, sure. Where I come from, that could mean they are 'dipping' on the first date (I spent alot of time in the Deep South). ha ha People talk about the 3-4 date 'rule'. I don't think that is nearly enough to determine 'quality'.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Some people reveal lack of quality pretty early. and so for some woman, one indicator of quality seems to be how pushy men are towards getting sex. She might go ahead with the sex if she is horny as well, but FZ (fling zone) him afterwards. I think we are seeing a lot more woman do this now than in the past. For men, I'm sure it varies as much as woman, however, I think in 3 dates you can get a fairly good idea of a woman, which is why I wouldn't multi-date beyond 3 dates, possibly 4.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 People talk about the 3-4 date 'rule'. I don't think that is nearly enough to determine 'quality'. To really know someone takes a lot of time, but I'd feel too guilty dividing my attention longer than that. I think people who have known each other for a while before they start dating do very well, because there is already a level of trust and this casual sex issue wouldn't even be so much of an issue because they would know their boundaries and desires.
Cypress25 Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I really don't have a problem with waiting & getting to know someone IF THEY ARE A QUALITY WOMAN. If a man thinks I'm not a quality woman, why would I want to have sex with him? I only want to have sex with men who really like me and truly care about me. Otherwise it's empty and meaningless, and not at all enjoyable for me. I don't understand this notion of having sex with someone you don't really like. It baffles me. I know some people do it, I just don't get it. Personally, I can't enjoy sex without a strong emotional connection to my partner. Having sex with someone I don't have feelings for (and who doesn't have feelings for me) would be a horrible experience.
phineas Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Ok, Phineas... sweetheart... darling... how do you know if they are quality unless you wait a little?? Honey, i'm almost as old as you. (I said almost. ) I can pretty much tell if a woman has spent her life as a cum dumpster without even trying to kiss her just by listening to what she has to say. It really isn't that difficult.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 I don't understand this notion of having sex with someone you don't really like. It baffles me. I know some people do it, I just don't get it. Personally, I can't enjoy sex without a strong emotional connection to my partner. Having sex with someone I don't have feelings for (and who doesn't have feelings for me) would be a horrible experience. I think most people don't want that either, but sometimes it happens for various reasons, and it can quickly move things into the fling zone where you're now not relationship material. I've seen it on both sides of the gender fence.
sm1tten Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Is that how you date? No, definitely not. I don't require a strong emotional connection to my partner to enjoy sex, every person I date or have sex with isn't always ultimately someone I want to continue dating (but 95% of the time it is)... but I wouldn't bother having sex with someone I didn't like and at least want to explore the possibility of a relationship. And more to that, I wouldn't decide someone is not LTR-worthy, **** them, and then make the next guy wait. That's just... backwards, somehow.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 This is why I'm glad I'm a virgin. I've never had anybody "settle for me"...that way, I've avoided the lower class women.
Pierre Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Do any of you find when you date someone you are attracted to but see little or no LTR potential you just go for sex faster? Then when you date someone who has incredible LTR potential in your eyes, you immediately want to not date anyone else, go exclusive, and not rush things ESP. the sex. You light up and they can almost do no wrong in your eyes. Is that how you date? Let me get this straight: A great guy dating woman X gets no sex for being Mr. Right. However, woman X has no problems f****ing Mr. Loser right away because he is not relationship material. Lets set aside Mr. Right and Mr. Loser. Why would any sane man want to date :eek:woman X??????????????????
phineas Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I think most people don't want that either, but sometimes it happens for various reasons, and it can quickly move things into the fling zone where you're now not relationship material. I've seen it on both sides of the gender fence. From knowing a few badboy chasers, they honestly do think they are in love with these guys. But their just being used for sex until the next new piece comes along. I've never really known any guys to be used for sex. Just attention & as an emotional tampon.
phineas Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Let me get this straight: A great guy dating woman X gets no sex for being Mr. Right. However, woman X has no problems f****ing Mr. Loser right away because he is not relationship material. Lets set aside Mr. Right and Mr. Loser. Why would any sane man want to date :eek:woman X?????????????????? When I figure out the true identity of woman x, I drop them. But sometimes i'll waste a few months on them first.
rafallus Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I'm approaching from the other side, that her holding off on sex isn't because she is trying to manipulate men, but because she sees a chance at a successful relationship and there are countless articles talking about the virtue of delaying sex a bit so you can really get to know someone and be successful in a relationship. If such a person is willing to have sex with someone early and not someone else, I do agree you have to wonder about her overall character or state of mind/readiness, but people are strange creatures and generally selfish. However, it would mean she loves sex as much as any man. I think men do this as well sometimes if its a woman they just meet at a bar, and they are both horny and that its, he'll have sex, but if she is a wonderful woman, some might want to take the time to nurture the budding relationship before complicating it. Nah, I don't treat sex as complication in getting to know a person. I treat sex as one of the planes you can get to know a person on. I don't see any virtue in waiting, but to each their own. Not everyone's sex drives are created equal after all. Let me get this straight: A great guy dating woman X gets no sex for being Mr. Right. However, woman X has no problems f****ing Mr. Loser right away because he is not relationship material. Lets set aside Mr. Right and Mr. Loser. Why would any sane man want to date :eek:woman X??????????????????Absolutely agreed. That was essentially main point.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Honey, i'm almost as old as you. (I said almost. ) I can pretty much tell if a woman has spent her life as a cum dumpster without even trying to kiss her just by listening to what she has to say. It really isn't that difficult. Really? Care to share? What would she say exactly to make you think that?
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Let me get this straight: A great guy dating woman X gets no sex for being Mr. Right. However, woman X has no problems f****ing Mr. Loser right away because he is not relationship material. Lets set aside Mr. Right and Mr. Loser. Why would any sane man want to date :eek:woman X?????????????????? Sure, I see your point. But men do this all of the time. They hold off on sex with a woman they really like, but then f-buddy the woman who put out right away. I'm just making the point that women are just as capable of the same behavior... and should expect that a guy who is really into them will wait. If he pushes, he isn't LTR material. If you follow the logic here that a guy should just go ahead, cause she is willing... then the woman should be allowed to carry on the same way. If he is pushing, and she's horny, she has no obligation to worry about his feelings afterward. Same as a guy. Now, I think the REAL question is... why would anyone have sex or pursue anything with anyone who doesn't care about their feelings after sex?? Period. Because I'm rather sick of guys blaming women for their promiscuous behavior. Not you Pierre... of course. But lots of other guys here.
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