HappyPanda Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 To all you Lovely Lovershakers out there, in your experience, how quickly has the conversation of having children together come up? Over the weekend, I had a little too much to drink and decided that it was obviously the most appropriate time to tell my boyfriend that I "wanted to have babies with him" D'oh. We've been dating about a year and a half. Im 26, he's 27. He was really sweet about it, and kinda laughed it off... but all weekend, he wouldn't let me live it down, and keeps teasing me about it... I told my girlfriend and she said (immediately after face-palming) "Well, he seems like a keeper because he hasnt run for the hills yet..." I feel like a doofus, but I cant take it back. Have I freaked him out forever?? I feel like he's using his humor as a coping mechanism.... Gentlemen, If you were on the reciving end of such pillow talk, would you be thinking of an exit strategy? (so as to avoid procreating with a lunatic)
ja123 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 You've been together for that long, I'm surprised the subject hasn't come up before. Though most people probably start that kind of conversation with a question like, "Do you like children?" I think it's OK what you did - it's cute and endearing. He hasn't run away. He's making a few jokes (because he's probably scared a bit), but I think the thought probably crossed his mind already and he's open to the idea. Just giggle the next time he bring it up jokingly! I think the time will come when you will both talk about it seriously.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 No, there was nothing wrong with what you did. You have been together for almost 2 years, the topic needed to be brought up!
sm1tten Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Nah, you don't sound like a lunatic, really, unless you're in a rather casual relationship. As for when the topic of having children comes up, for me it's usually in the early days as I don't want to have children and don't want to date anyone who does. With my current boyfriend, it came up on the first date kind of randomly.
NoReallyThatHappened Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I think it sounds cute!! With my current BF I broached the child topic really early. I want children. If he did not, then there was no point in becoming a couple. The way I phrased my question had something to do with planetary alignment. Stars. Moons. The whole bit. To this day he still makes fun of me for it. (I don't blame him! In hindsight it is funny.) You may never live this down, but if he had a true negative reaction I don't think it would manifest itself in a joking manner.
sunshinegirl Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Agree with the others...your time line seems fine and I'm surprised it hasn't come up sooner. If you had freaked him out, I think you'd be seeing more of a freak-out reaction instead of him teasing you. I don't remember exactly when my now-husband and I first talked kids, but I do recall one conversation about a month into dating (we had met 6 months earlier) about whether we were each open to adopting kids. We were kind of on a fast track, though (we got married less than a year after we started dating).
make me believe Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I think you waited too long to bring it up, actually! I brought up the topic with my husband on our 3rd date! Having kids is a dealbreaker for me and I didn't want to waste my time on somebody if he wanted to have kids someday because I absolutely DO NOT want them. If having kids was important to me I would have brought it up in the very beginning too, because you just can't risk becoming attached to someone if you're incompatible in something like this IMO. I think you're worrying about nothing. If he freaked out over this you'd be better off without him anyway because it would point to some serious incompatibilities.
eerie_reverie Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I also can't believe it hadn't come up already. I told my bf on the first date that I moved to the city to look for a babydaddy.
Cee Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 People who don't want to have children usually bring up the topic early. I don't want children so I bring up the subject before I fall in love. One time, I was on a first date and the guy was talking about how he badly wanted children. Needless to say, I was honest with him and our date ended right there. I would think that people who want children would broach the discussion along with talking about the future. I don't think it's weird that you brought up children at this stage. Although I am surprised it became a big joke. Why not talk about your future plans or at least what you both want?
Author HappyPanda Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Thanks for taking the time to respond everyone! Y'all made me feel much better about being a drunken bafoon We had spoken a liiiiiitle bit about it a couple of times, but never in much seriousness... We've since talked about it more in depth, and he admitted that yes, he does want to have children... and yes, he wants to have them with me. My heart skipped a beat. But he'll NEVER let me live that down.
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