ShoeGurl1973 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Over a month ago I ran into a guy I have had the hots for for 10 years. He either had a gf or I had a bf. I know he is a little "bad boy" but the man is just gorgeous. I recently broke up with my bf in March, so I figured I could do the FWB thing for awhile just to satisfy my physical needs, and enjoy this gentleman I have crushed on forever. We see each other typically on the weekends, sometimes more, 2-4 times a week. Lately though, he is started to text me everyday, and now he asked me to go to the movies with him this week. He also texted me to let me know he is sick and feeling badly. Both of these things seem more "relationshippy" than FWB. I know he likes me, but I'm so atypical from the normal girls he hangs with. He is 48, I am 38. He likes the attention from the 20 year olds. His with me on the weekends, so I know he isn't with any of them, but he still likes to hang with them at the bars. Im a professional, classy girl, which he always comments on. Maybe he is starting to like me because I am different? I don't know what to do. I don't want to ask if we are dating as that might scare him off. He seems to be moving forward on his own accord, seeing as how he asked me to go to a movie this week. Just curious as to what you guys thoughts are....are we moving out of FWB zone? I didn't think guys were capable lol.
verhrzn Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I'm in a situation similar to this... He's actually introduced me to lots of his friends, both of his parents, tells me how awesome it is to have me around, on top of daily contact and compliments-and yet.... The fact is, you and I are both kidding ourselves if we think it means anything. Until a guy says "I like you, let's date" all they're doing is getting a free girlfriend out of the deal. My suggestion would be to only continue it if you can stand that truth. (I continue because hey, nobody else knocking down my door so why not?)
ja123 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 It seems like you are heading out of the FWB territory but, with his track record, I'd be careful. You may want to consider cooling things down a bit. As for me, I think I'd have a very hard time not getting attached to someone I was sleeping with regularly.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I say keep it light and fun for now. If he wants to date and wants you to be his girlfriend, believe me, he will let you know. And if that is what you want, the best way to make it happen, in this particular situation, is to keep playing it cool.
bluenightowl Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I don't know what to do. I don't want to ask if we are dating as that might scare him off. He seems to be moving forward on his own accord, seeing as how he asked me to go to a movie this week. Just curious as to what you guys thoughts are....are we moving out of FWB zone? I didn't think guys were capable lol. If you are seeing him 2-4 times a week and have sex, and are scared to talk to him that's a red flag to me. I think the best FWB situations are when both parties clearly communicate this is what they want. You seem to be in the no talk and hope zone that this will turn into a relationship. I think unless you enjoy the uncertainty, he can just do as he pleases. He might treat you like his GF until a better 20 year old comes along and then go out with her. To me its a terrible position to be in unless you just want the sex only.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Sounds like he into you now and perhaps he's good with a relationship. There's no way to tell from here. If that's what you'd want with him, then try not to keep reinforcing this assumption that he's still so into sowing wild oats with the younger chicks. Men change ya know.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Sounds like he into you now and perhaps he's good with a relationship. There's no way to tell from here. If that's what you'd want with him, then try not to keep reinforcing this assumption that he's still so into sowing wild oats with the younger chicks. Men change ya know. Agreed! Give him room to behave differently than he has in the past. My lover told me the other night that he's never felt more free to just be himself than he does with me, and it's heaven. Most of the other people in his life are trying to force him into the various restrictive roles and boxes where they want him and are used to him being. I just let him be, and enjoy the good things he brings to the table. I think this is one of the reasons our time together often feels mythic and sacred.
bluenightowl Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Agreed! Give him room to behave differently than he has in the past. My lover told me the other night that he's never felt more free to just be himself than he does with me, and it's heaven. Most of the other people in his life are trying to force him into the various restrictive roles and boxes where they want him and are used to him being. I just let him be, and enjoy the good things he brings to the table. I think this is one of the reasons our time together often feels mythic and sacred. Sure, that's great because you both want the same things. FWB. I don't either or you want to be in a relationship more than you are and its sounds like you have something that works well for you both. If the OP wants something like that and is really enjoying what she has, then no need to do anything. But I suspect even you and lover talked about what you both want at some point and in some way. He might change, he might not.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Sure, that's great because you both want the same things. FWB. I don't either or you want to be in a relationship more than you are and its sounds like you have something that works well for you both. Well, he told me recently that he's enjoying things as they are, but would be open to "getting serious", and asked how I feel about that. I said I like him a lot, but told him again what keeps me from "getting serious" with him, and reiterated that I won't bend on that. He said he understood completely and could not argue with any of that, and later said he is working on those things. I said that's great, but he needs to make those changes for him, not me, and they will likely take some time -- so maybe he can ask me on a date in a year, or whenever he makes them. If that happens, great. If not, no worries. If the OP wants something like that and is really enjoying what she has, then no need to do anything. But I suspect even you and lover talked about what you both want at some point and in some way. He might change, he might not. That's what it comes down to. It sounds like he is testing it out a little, and possibly considering more. And given that the OP would like more, I think the best thing she can do is continue to have a good time and keep the situation free of pressure.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Agreed! Give him room to behave differently than he has in the past. My lover told me the other night that he's never felt more free to just be himself than he does with me, and it's heaven. Most of the other people in his life are trying to force him into the various restrictive roles and boxes where they want him and are used to him being. I just let him be, and enjoy the good things he brings to the table. I think this is one of the reasons our time together often feels mythic and sacred. Lucky fella.
Recommended Posts