calreese Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Hey guys/gals, I've made tremendous progress in the past 5 weeks, largely in part to some of the threads and posts on this website. I was the dumpee in a GIGS breakup, and while I still wonder what the outcome of this whole fiasco will be, I am by no means still attached to this girl in any way. When she decided to end our relationship, she claimed it was a "break", but thanks to advice on this site I've been treating it as a breakup. I realize that she may end up with another guy, in which case I will know that she has changed to the point of me not finding her attractive anymore anyway. The reason I've made this thread is to ask one final piece of advice. I know nothing significant is going to happen within the next few months as far as me/her go, and in January I will be moving out of state to work at an engineering firm for a co-op. We have had NC for the past 5 weeks, but I feel as though I would like to meet with my ex once more simply to spell out my intentions, and to make sure I know hers. I feel as though I am emotionally neutral so to speak, and would like to let her know that I consider us broken up for good, and unless anything drastic happens in the future, this will be our last contact. Is this a good idea? More or less I'm trying to cement in my mind my desires, her desires, and to leave on a good note. Thanks in advance for any advice.
M2155 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I'm curious to the other responses you get because I don't know what I would do. If you haven't talked at all in 5 weeks it probably was in fact a breakup disguised as a "break". It seems like when people move or get engaged they want to tell their exes... I guess it doesn't hurt or just send her a note. If you are as sure in your feelings and set as you say, why bother? Sounds like you want to prove to yourself you are over it. Knowing me, I probably would do it but you risk walking away from the meeting feeling something you didn't walk into it expecting to feel. Seeing someone can stir up emotions you didn't expect- both good and bad.
Author calreese Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 See, that's why I wanted a second opinion. I didn't want to meet her and have things turn on me and set me back. And I understand when you say why bother if I'm content with myself. I just for some reason want to have one more talk to her and let her know that I have in fact made progress since the breakup and that I want NC to continue indefinitely, and that if she ever contacts me not to be surprised if I ignore. I also want to be on the same page so no confusion or ill feelings surface in the next couple months.
M2155 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 But if you're not in contact, isn't it already being said? If she is not contacting you, and agrees to meet you, you might sound a little silly: You: "hey I just wanted to let you know I'm doing great. Please don't contact me." Her: "Umm...you contacted me." Just send a note letting her know you are moving soon and to call you if she wants to say goodbye. (or that you would just like to say goodbye if you insist)
gbadboy Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 While tempting to meet , you run the risk of everything you've accomplished in NC for 5 weeks, should the meeting go bad - and you're back to square one. If you still want to express yourself and indicate to her the door might be open down the road -I would instead send her a card, or an email ( a well written one) to basically express your feelings. But in your email make sure and indicate that you are NOT expecting a reply - just know that if and when you are ready to get back with me, contact me and provided im single , we can then discuss "us" then. Important, be sure to indicate you are not expecting a reply anytime soon (otherwise you will be checking your email every day obbsessing). Instead , tell her "no need to reply. Jus take what ive said and ABSORB everything , and when and if the time is right for you and you want me, contact me and we'll go from there. It will work!
leoc1973 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 well I kinda went through the same thing with my ex she moved away and comes home every now and then(we were supposed to move away together) well she came home the last time a few months ago and she got stranded and called me for a ride. I asked her what she would have done if I did not come and she said she knew I would drop every thing and come for her no matter what! That turned me off so much for some reason that she knew she had me wrapped around her finger. Well she came home 4 times since then and I never contacted her. this last time she contacted me she told me she misses me a lot ect. I know its all breadcrumbs but it doesn't matter anyways now cause I met an amazing girl since then. I just wonder what would have happened if I had left her stranded that day. If she would have maybe woke up. In my opinion it would blow her mind if you left without saying a word. Unless she is happily with someone else right now I think you will be getting a call on your cell a few days after you leave with her saying something to the extent of wow you didn't even say goodbye to me? She might have her wakeup call. Good luck let us know what you decide to do.
KathyM Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Hey guys/gals, I've made tremendous progress in the past 5 weeks, largely in part to some of the threads and posts on this website. I was the dumpee in a GIGS breakup, and while I still wonder what the outcome of this whole fiasco will be, I am by no means still attached to this girl in any way. When she decided to end our relationship, she claimed it was a "break", but thanks to advice on this site I've been treating it as a breakup. I realize that she may end up with another guy, in which case I will know that she has changed to the point of me not finding her attractive anymore anyway. The reason I've made this thread is to ask one final piece of advice. I know nothing significant is going to happen within the next few months as far as me/her go, and in January I will be moving out of state to work at an engineering firm for a co-op. We have had NC for the past 5 weeks, but I feel as though I would like to meet with my ex once more simply to spell out my intentions, and to make sure I know hers. I feel as though I am emotionally neutral so to speak, and would like to let her know that I consider us broken up for good, and unless anything drastic happens in the future, this will be our last contact. Is this a good idea? More or less I'm trying to cement in my mind my desires, her desires, and to leave on a good note. Thanks in advance for any advice. I'd suggest not going down that road. Just keep the NC. I think that's for the best, especially since you are moving out of state anyway.
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