ScienceGal Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) Ok, maybe not too surprising, but I really felt like I was making progress. I really thought that I had accepted it was over. Suddenly I feel like I am back to waiting for him. I am approaching the 3 month mark. He left me because he treated me poorly during times of disagreement and I let him know that wasn't ok. I told him he had anger issues that he needed to deal with and that he needed to "let me in" if the relationship was going to progress. He had even told me before to "just let go" and trust him. He is full of ego and I doubt he has ever loved anyone in his life... and if he did it was probably that one time that burned him so badly that he has never been the same. I know he is seeing someone new. It hurts, but I don't see it lasting. Especially since I saw them out last week and they were overly affectionate. One of his friends even mentioned that it was obviously a show. He has dated and had mostly 5-6 month relationships before me and ours was only 6 months. But I really loved him and still love him. Whhhhhy? Why do I feel like I was special? Why does he have this hold on me? Maybe because he woke up every morning and said he loved me? Maybe because he told his best friend that I was "the one". Maybe because his friends told me that I was different and really affecting him. Some of them were surprised to even meet me, as he did not always bring the woman he was dating around. I just can't let go yet and I should. I really should but I don't know how. I am just having a hard night. Edited September 7, 2011 by ScienceGal
Nohbody Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 It's to your credit. You are not alone. And it's going to be ok. You're going to find someone who deserves you when you are ready. Keep up the great work.
Author ScienceGal Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I know it will be ok. But back into the dark hole I go. What I wouldn't do to break free.
lymtal1 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 ScienceGal, It did not sound like he treated you very well. I think that you deserved better. I am sure that you feel the same when you think about the bad. I tend to only think about the good that happened and I walk around with rose colored glasses. Tonight my friend asked me what our last meeting was like and what she said to me. It went something like this: I do not love you anymore, I do not miss you, I do not ever want to be with you. And why am I in that black hole and can't let go? I have no idea. I just know I can't and really want to. I know how you feel and I am sorry you are going through this. You are correct though. You will get through this. We all will get through this. It will make us stronger down the road and we will know who is right for us.
Trolly Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 My ex left me for the opposite reason. Too many fights and my anger scared her so as a result she left me. I have a lot of regrets and there's a substantial amount of pain. I was seeking counseling to remedy the issue and she knew, yet she reached her limit. A good portion of me can't blame her. If your ex was making some effort than i'd say who knows, but if he in fact left you because you tried to address whatever issues you had with him, then that's not a good sign. I know it hurts now, but you made the right choice and you'll be rewarded for your healthy lack of acceptance for dysfunction or for at least clearly knowing what you want.
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Please wake up out of your dream. He is bad news ! Big Ego ! Trying to rub the new GF in your face ! Yikes ! Get on your horse and go as far away from him as you can ! I need to escape form my EX too. They are toxic for us. If he came back he would do more damage to you he likes to use women and move onto the next one. Well it's your turn. Go forward and try the dating site again. You need to have some new encounters. Or just talk to men. I want you to get well for the next guy that comes your way ! Ok ? Queen of Hearts 10
Lis007 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Someone will sweep you off your feet... Dont waste your time on this short fling... he isnt worth it!!!
Author ScienceGal Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Thank you for all the responses. This morning is rough. It seems the bulk of what I am dealing with now is frustration. I am confused/angry that he can move on and that he has the capacity to be so mean to me. But, I am mostly frustrated with myself. I don't want to care about him anymore. I don't want him to come back because I know he will not change. I just want to move on. I want to be indifferent. I want to enjoy dating other men that treat me well. This all feels so ridiculous to me. I was supposed to go to a public social event this weekend that he will be at. I just cancelled. I don't need the extra stress, as he has shown he can't even be civil to me. I really wanted to go to this event and I hate that he is still affecting my feelings and well being.
sleepykitten Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Hi ScienceGal-I am also at the 3 month mark and on monday felt like i was at day 1 again and couldnt understand it, feel like i have taken a massive step back. I can totally relate to all you say, i just wanted to isolate, i stopped eating started smoking more, was consumed with jealousy about him and the g/f he met 3 days (!!!) after me. He too said all the same things yours did, the i loves you's every morning for the first fe months, i was his one,, all his friends commented on how different he was with me how happy i made him etc. He says he is with thisnew girl as it is helping him heal and its a bit of fun. I felt like i was broken all over again.
Author ScienceGal Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Hi ScienceGal-I am also at the 3 month mark and on monday felt like i was at day 1 again and couldnt understand it, feel like i have taken a massive step back. I can totally relate to all you say, i just wanted to isolate, i stopped eating started smoking more, was consumed with jealousy about him and the g/f he met 3 days (!!!) after me. He too said all the same things yours did, the i loves you's every morning for the first fe months, i was his one,, all his friends commented on how different he was with me how happy i made him etc. He says he is with thisnew girl as it is helping him heal and its a bit of fun. I felt like i was broken all over again. I think they move on to a new person so quickly not just to heal, but to feed their own ego and feel wanted. It gives them a sense of power and "winning", especially if they know that you have not moved on yet. My ex also views sex very differently. I need the emotional connection. He can jump into having sex very quickly and has had one night stands.
Ajax Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Hey ScienceGal, I think the feelings you're going through are very normal. That third month was a real hurdle for me as well, as it was only then that I really accepted the reality that my ex wasn't coming back. She also was starting to move on after having told me that she could not be in a relationship with anyone at the time. Hmmm... I wonder if she was being honest... I think you see that your ex was not good for you, your heart just hasn't caught up to your mind yet. It's hard not to play the "what if" scenarios in your head over and over again, questioning your own actions and why the other person had to leave. It hurts. But try not to, since nothing positive will come of it just takes up mental space that can be used for thinking of other people who do love you, the great future you have ahead of you, or even science-y things that someone like you enjoys! Like I said, I think it's normal to be feeling the way you do. It take a heck of a long time to get over someone you loved. As you can tell from my thread which you recently commented on (and thank you by the way) it's been a year for me and I still have some unresolved feelings. But the fact that you felt such a deep connection to him and were willing to do your part to keep the relationship alive shows that you are truly a caring individual. You're a human being with human needs and emotions. And I personally find that very attractive. Keep doing what you're doing. Have some fun. Days when you feel like you're just going through the motions, take a step back and try to think about all of the things you have going for you. And never doubt that someday you'll be in love with someone even better than your ex!
Author ScienceGal Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) Thank you Ajax. My strongest desire is to find someone who appreciates emotional connection because they realize that it allows for love on such a deeper level. I need to work on healing and stopping myself from walling my heart off because I don't want to decrease my capacity to love. I know I have a lot to offer. I am very straight-forward, not a liar, never a cheater, always thoughtful and and a constant giver. I was an amazing partner to him and will be again to someone who deserves it. I'll keep remembering this when thinking/missing my lousy ex. What a sad life it would be trying to live down on his level! Like a bird with clipped wings. Edited September 7, 2011 by ScienceGal
Karala Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Hi ScienceGal, I haven't posted much lately but I've been reading your threads for some time now and I just wanted to tell you that you sound like a great person. I'm sure you will get through this quicker than you think, not only intact but stronger than before. :]
Karala Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Hi Nohbody :] sweet of you to remember me :] It's been a long summer, hasn't it? lol ^^
Author ScienceGal Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Hi ScienceGal, I haven't posted much lately but I've been reading your threads for some time now and I just wanted to tell you that you sound like a great person. I'm sure you will get through this quicker than you think, not only intact but stronger than before. :] Thank you so much. I try to be a good person but sometimes just feel like a blundering fool because of it. And congrats on your tattoo
sun_moon Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 ScienceGal, I think anyone in your situation would feel a slight sting after running into the ex. Everyone is right, dont be too hard on yourself, it's only been 3 months. I think you are doing wonderfully and are an inspiration to all. Keep reminding yourself of how you deserve better and will get it one day.
visualbasicide Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Thank you so much. I try to be a good person but sometimes just feel like a blundering fool because of it. And congrats on your tattoo lol your posts give me some measure of hope I wont regress into a permanently cynical crotchety humbug. You keep on doing what your doing, it seems to be working for you very well.
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