LK30 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Hi guys, I really don't know what's wrong with me. I've fought and fought and fought some more to meet the right person. At 32 I've been on lots of dates and had a couple of relationships but nothing has worked out. As a result I'm still on my own. I'm not saying I want marriage but I'm really missing those cozy evenings in or walks on the beach together. Against my will I went back on a dating site and saw a girl who seemed really nice and I wrote her a nice message, but did I get a reply? No! The reality is I'm just not desirable to women and that's just the way it is. I'm starting to slip into a depressive state over it to the point where I've given up socialising and lost my motivation to try any more. Nobody can say I haven't tried as when I'm kicked I always get up, but opportunities come and then they go again. I'm totally bruised and beaten now and have no incentive to keep trying to find a nice girl. All in all I don't know where my life is going at all and I think about it every day. I didn't think it'd be this hard
verhrzn Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 It can be difficult to find the right person, but I'm not quite sure why you're choosing now to feel dejected. You say you go on lots of dates, and you're 32... for a guy, that usually means you're right in your prime. Younger women are more attracted to you because you have the maturity, confidence and (probably) stability you didn't have when you were younger, and women your age will be more attracted to you because they are in the age where they want to settle down, and they figure you want the same thing. You also say you're not really sure about marriage, so why the rush to find the right person? I'm guessing if you're uncertain about marriage, you're also still waffling on children, so it's not as if it's a biological clock needing to be punched. So why the rush? Why not just enjoy the fact that you're a prime male, and go on the dates you do get?
Author LK30 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Thanks for your reply verhrzn. To be honest I haven't had a date since Christmas - most proper ones were last year. I've been single since Jan 2010 and some people know I've never come to terms completely splitting from her back then. (I don't know why, I think it's more coz I know if we were still together we'd be looking at getting a place together and settling down!) I get the occasional smile from girls but they're usually late teens and find myself enjoying the attention because it's the only attention I seem to get!! I was talking to a friend last night who's also single (but 10 years older and to be honest I fear ending up like him - no dates in 10 years!) and we both agree that women seem to like men who can do practical things like home improvements or mechanics, whereas we're both not that good at that stuff. Perhaps it's a fear, not of women, but of my own abilities and being able to live up to standards!!
olivec Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Hi guys, I really don't know what's wrong with me. I've fought and fought and fought some more to meet the right person. At 32 I've been on lots of dates and had a couple of relationships but nothing has worked out. As a result I'm still on my own. I'm not saying I want marriage but I'm really missing those cozy evenings in or walks on the beach together. Against my will I went back on a dating site and saw a girl who seemed really nice and I wrote her a nice message, but did I get a reply? No! The reality is I'm just not desirable to women and that's just the way it is. I'm starting to slip into a depressive state over it to the point where I've given up socialising and lost my motivation to try any more. Nobody can say I haven't tried as when I'm kicked I always get up, but opportunities come and then they go again. I'm totally bruised and beaten now and have no incentive to keep trying to find a nice girl. All in all I don't know where my life is going at all and I think about it every day. I didn't think it'd be this hard Hey man i'm 32 also and my girl dumped me 5 months ago so i know how you feel completely. However you gotta stay positive and just focus on you right now. Trust me your gunna have days of anger and depression just like everyone else but you'll get through it and meet the right person.
jolbell Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I hear that online dating is a numbers game. For ever 100 people you message, maybe you will get 10-20 replies. Of those, maybe a few will end in dates. And then who knows how often that'll end in a meaningful relationship? So the best advice I've got is to keep trying and broaden your list of requirements. It's not going to be easy but I hope it will be worth it. Also, join a multiple sites at a time while still trying to meet girls the traditional way. I agree that age 32 falls under 'prime years.'
iris219 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I'm 32 as well (female) and I'm in the same boat. There simply aren't that many high quality singles left when you get over age 30. I wish I hadn't wasted so many years in the wrong relationships because now I have no options. I haven't met anyone this year who would be relationship material. Everyone I meet, I think, "Yep, I know why you're single." As a guy, it's easier for you in some ways because you can date younger, whereas I wouldn't.
SJC2008 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Sorry to hear what you are going through. However you are not alone. I am 29 going on 30 and have never even been in a relationship. Started to get depressed a few months ago (not just about women). Now I'm in pretty bad shape and feel like I'm fighting for my life. I really don't even care about women right now even though I am talikng to someone. My advice is forget about women for now. If you are getting depressed, as hard as it may sound fight it. Because if you are in denial like I was and wait it will get worse and harder to over come. Start eating better and taking supplements and exercise. Google food/supplements for depression. Fight the depression before it gets worse, than worry about women. Good luck!
You'reasian Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Sorry to hear about your situation. I was in a long-term relationship this year that ended a short while ago. I've gotten lucky as of recent and am talking with a woman who is doing really well for herself. She's got a naturally nice physique; dont know how to explain it any more than that. We are both independent and respect our apart time, which is refreshing. How did we connect? It was random; we just struck up a conversation and we clicked. No pressure. It was pure luck. Put yourself out there. You'll never know what you'll find
mrgoodcat Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) Dude, I'm 23, and I'm right with you. Except I've given up on dating at 19 and hasn't really tried going after women at all. Women who like me, I pass up, women that I like, pass me up. I think we, men, should just focus on making as much money as possible, become as powerful as possible, and then everything else will gravitate towards us. Focus on a career....be it money/power/self-esteem. Some things you have no control over, so focus on things that you do. I know this rich guy, who had girls dating him for his money and he seemed as happy as any guy with a steady girlfriend. I think women are a general distraction. I have been seriously considering taking "testosterone-suppressant" natural remedies, so as to reduce my sex drive and focus on task at hand of conquering the world. Problem with that is, testosterone is very essential for male overall health and well being, so it is kind of a tough dilemma. I might not be the person to listen to, so just disregard me. Edited September 7, 2011 by mrgoodcat
mrgoodcat Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I say take libido/ testosterone suppressant herbal teas. They will decrease your testosterone naturally by as much as 50% and women will stop being so sexy and desirable. It's all in the head man. We, men, are programmed to fixate on pussy and so that really creates problems when you're not dating one. How do you think monks go through life? They dope themselves like hell. Here are three common anaphrodisiacs: 1)chaste tree berry 2)camphor 3)hops If you think this is not the solution and chasing ass is, I won't debate because there is no right or wrong, but a matter of personal perception.
Andy_K Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 You say you've spent a lot of time looking for the right person, but how much time have you spent making sure that you deserve the right person? Remember, you need to be able to offer far more in a relationship than you expect to get. Why? Because many of the things you're offering simply won't be important to some of the people you date, in the same way as several of their qualities aren't things you really care about. If you've really already spent countless hours exercising and eating properly for your health and fitness, reading for your intellectual or career development, meditating or something similar for your temperament and spiritual development, and doing whatever else you find necessary to improve your life outlook, confidence, social skills, and general well-being, then you can feel miffed that you've not gotten anywhere. Until then? Buck up and try harder if you want to improve your odds. If you've fought that hard and you still don't think you're really desirable, you've been directing your energy to the wrong places.
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