jenjen83 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Not sure I'm looking for advice..just need to get it all out. Met my boyfriend online in January.There was a 100 mile difference between us but we decided to meet up and our first date was fantastic. On our second date he called me his girlfriend and I met a couple of his friends which I felt were all postive things. He even mentioned wanting to settle down (he is 33,I'm 27) and put online that I was more than he deserved and how lucky he was. Because of the distance we had to see each other when we could (it usually balanced out at about every other week) so we still had plenty of time to do our own thing as he was used to being single I felt the distance was actually a positive thing. In April we both travelled to see two of his best friends who live in a different part of the country which I felt showed some kind of commitment.however the next month he cancelled coming to visit me as he was short of cash. I said it was fine and visited him instead which was great as usual (we had sex and he talked about going out for a drive one day) However the next time he was meant to visit he seemed a bit unsure about coming to see me. When I pressed the matter he said he missed having more time to himself but he still wanted to be with me. I felt upset by this as I was always conscious of him needing his own space.We decided to have a few days without contact to think things through. A few days later I messaged him and offered suggestions to how we could make our relationship feel less intense to him but instead he messaged me saying he ''didn't love me,didn't have loving feelings for me and didn't want to be with me anymore''. I was a bit shocked and very upset as a few days earlir he said he didn't want to lose me. I asked if we could meet face to face as I deserved more than being dumped online and he agreed saying he wanted to do that...but surprise surprise the day he was due to see me he cancelled. I tried NC for a few days but broke it trying to be his friend. He seemed keen on that and we chatted a few times and things were amicable. I still needed closure though so asked if I could visit him for the day, he agreed and we met up. I thought things would be different between us but they weren't. We talked like old times and took the piss out of each other like we always did,just messing about.We tickled each other and he ended up putting his arm around me.I suggested to him about me spending the night and at first he seemed keen but later said that he thought it would upset me too much. I asked if there was a chance for us and all he said was ''I'm not looking for a girlfriend''. I then left and we had a goodbye hug and kissed on the lips 3 times. We chatted a few times after that but in the end I found it too much and so I started NC 18 days ago and we haven't spoken since. If anyone has read all that they deserve a medal!
esteem-jam Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Very undramatic. What happened? He found another one? He got scared? You seemed like too good for him? (even tho you showed much interest in him and was provoking, might not be the case)
Author jenjen83 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Hi esteem-jam. medal is the post I know he has not met anyone else so I believe he wants his own space but I know that he wants the next girl he sees not to be me which is what I find upsetting. I don't think he got scared as our relationship never got that serious and he was the one who talked more about wanting to settle down. I don't think I was too good for him but thats what he used to say but I think if he meant that he would have worked at our relationship and not dumped me.
superchiefs Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I think you need to just continue with the no contact and move on. You sound like a very nice girl and I believe you deserve better than what he could offer you.
ChelleBelle Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Think you had better take a gold medal or a Victoria Cross for Bravery. You are better off without him. I am going through a difficult break up myself. It is early days but I will try to be stronger. Just need time really,
M2155 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 You handled yourself well and at least you got the discussion you needed. Some guys are just selfish cowards to not even provide that;).
Author jenjen83 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I think you need to just continue with the no contact and move on. You sound like a very nice girl and I believe you deserve better than what he could offer you. Thank you. On paper he's not a good catch (no place of his..no car..no money..no ambition..pothead) and I need to remember that long term we wouldn't have been suited. Think you had better take a gold medal or a Victoria Cross for Bravery. You are better off without him. I am going through a difficult break up myself. It is early days but I will try to be stronger. Just need time really, Time really does help. Sending you lots of strong vibes. You handled yourself well and at least you got the discussion you needed. Some guys are just selfish cowards to not even provide that;). I did have lots of crazy moments though..kinda hard not to I guess and actually my ex dealt with them well. I almost wish he had been colder to me.
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