mrpager Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Alright, I'm going to be completely honest in an effort to receive completely honest (and hopefully helpful) feedback. My girlfriend and I have been living together for over 6 months now, and have been exclusively dating for over a year now. We do everything together, and things are absolutely incredible. However, there is one item that she doesn't want to fully commit on...not flirting with other men. She is very outgoing, beautiful, and funny, and we do plan to marry. She actually made the choice to leave her life on the west coast to move in with me on the east coast. I am once divorced and am wondering if I am just being overly cautious with her because I do not want to go through another divorce?? She says that she does not intentionally flirt with other men, but it makes her feel good when other men flirt with her. Says that it is just her personality to be friendly with everyone. She just took a new job in an environment that is predominantly men, and I find myself constantly wondering what she is really like when I am not around when she is constantly getting this type of attention. I truly do trust that she would not physically cheat on me, but for some reason I am finding it very difficult to trust that she is not flirtatious at work...Even when I ask her in conversation if the guys there are being nice and treating her with respect, she gets extremely defensive and confrontational. Getting mad at me for even asking...why does she try to make me feel bad for asking something so simple, something that I guarantee she would be asking me if the roles were reversed? Not sure how to proceed, but I really want to make sure she is everything that I think she is before I propose to her in the future...
wannabdone Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Mr Pager..... I think you might have posted this in the wrong section. This is the section for Other Woman, or Other Men who are in relationships with Married people. Maybe there is some place else on the site that could possible be more helpful with your questions.
MissBee Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Alright, I'm going to be completely honest in an effort to receive completely honest (and hopefully helpful) feedback. My girlfriend and I have been living together for over 6 months now, and have been exclusively dating for over a year now. We do everything together, and things are absolutely incredible. However, there is one item that she doesn't want to fully commit on...not flirting with other men. She is very outgoing, beautiful, and funny, and we do plan to marry. She actually made the choice to leave her life on the west coast to move in with me on the east coast. I am once divorced and am wondering if I am just being overly cautious with her because I do not want to go through another divorce?? She says that she does not intentionally flirt with other men, but it makes her feel good when other men flirt with her. Says that it is just her personality to be friendly with everyone. She just took a new job in an environment that is predominantly men, and I find myself constantly wondering what she is really like when I am not around when she is constantly getting this type of attention. I truly do trust that she would not physically cheat on me, but for some reason I am finding it very difficult to trust that she is not flirtatious at work...Even when I ask her in conversation if the guys there are being nice and treating her with respect, she gets extremely defensive and confrontational. Getting mad at me for even asking...why does she try to make me feel bad for asking something so simple, something that I guarantee she would be asking me if the roles were reversed? Not sure how to proceed, but I really want to make sure she is everything that I think she is before I propose to her in the future... That is a smart plan! You're seeing certain yellow or even red flags and it is wise to observe them and figure out, before you marry, if they point to something more and if it is something you would be able to live comfortably with for the next, however long. You don't seem to be an unreasonable guy who is overly demanding and jealous. This is obviously an area in which you two do not agree and it has to be worked out before things proceed as you're either going to pretend not to care and resent her overtime or vice-versa. I do find it troubling that she seems to take so much pleasure in men flirting with her, that she would even admit this to you and seem to have no intention of toning it down because it bothers you. That's important to take notice of. Could point to her not being able to compromise, her being one likely to play with fire and one who overly seeks the validation of men. In any case, take note and plan on a way to work through these issues BEFORE marriage comes into play, please. Prevention is better than cure. You want to marry someone who makes you feel loved, cherished and secure, not someone who disregards your feelings because of their insistence of doing something frivolous and questionable.
spice4life Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I agree with much of what missb says, but have a slighty different view because I have been accused of this before. Has she actually said to you she enjoys their flirtatious advances? I work in a predominantly male field and I am friendly, curtious (sp?) and very professional. They ALL know they can't cross the line with me and I do absolutely nothing to encourage flirtatious behavior. Don't mistake friendliness for being flirty. I am friendly and I am also very good at keeping a professional environment. I have no interest in crossing any lines in my field of work and anyone with me would know that. Being a flirt is something I'm not. A flirt encourages sexual innuendo and someone who is friendly and professional does not - that's the difference. Does your girl encourage sexual innuendo?
whichwayisup Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Your reason for divorce? Was it an affair and that's how you two ended up together? There's nothing wrong with healthy flirting, it is good for the ego..As long as it's not personable and sex talk, joking around a bit is okay. I'm sure various women you work with or in groups when you're out, joke and flirt in an innocent and fun way? Or does she flirt sexually and it involves some touching? Also, if this relationship started out from an affair, I assume the flirting thing is a trust issue and fear that she could turn around and cheat on you?
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