somedude81 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 "I have a very active social life, but it's not often that I meet single men" It sounds like you need to change your activities so they are better suited to actually meeting men. Right now what you are doing is working for you. Also you want to make sure that you aren't going to be 'too busy' to date. Nothing is more annoying than trying to get a date with a woman and every day I suggest she has plans for already.
Elysian Powder Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 o you think Ruby has her FWB because high quality men who she wants relationships with are knocking on her door? She’s doing it out of a necessity of sorts. I know it's working for her right now, but I doubt it's ideal Huh, I've read some of ruby's posts and she clearly states that she ain't looking for a relationship. She's fcking 27 year old arm candy material, and you're trying to make that arrangement for fcking and nothing more to be as if the guy is exploiting her or that there aren't any decent male to have a relationship with. Why are you doing that?
somedude81 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Bah stupid editing rule Should be "Right now what you are doing is not working for you."
Author iris219 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 "I have a very active social life, but it's not often that I meet single men" It sounds like you need to change your activities so they are better suited to actually meeting men. Right now what you are doing is working for you. Also you want to make sure that you aren't going to be 'too busy' to date. Nothing is more annoying than trying to get a date with a woman and every day I suggest she has plans for already. I can't think of any activity I could do that I don't do now, other than some sort of team sport, which I wouldn't enjoy--or, more accurately, my teammates wouldn't enjoy having me on their team because I would suck and I'm not competitive. FYI: Women are only too busy to date when they don't really want to date someone. When we want to date a certain guy, we get a lot less busy.
Author iris219 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Huh, I've read some of ruby's posts and she clearly states that she ain't looking for a relationship. She's fcking 27 year old arm candy material, and you're trying to make that arrangement for fcking and nothing more to be as if the guy is exploiting her or that there aren't any decent male to have a relationship with. Why are you doing that? I can't speak for Ruby, but I'm pretty sure she's never said she isn't looking for a relationship. I'm under the impression that she is, based on her posts. She has said she's not looking for a relationship with her FWB, but that doesn't mean she's not looking for a relationship. I believe she HAS stated the bolded part, but maybe I'm projecting my own experiences onto her.
dasein Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 How much population in your town? How far are you from a heavier population? If you live an hour or less from Jacksonville, Orlando, Miami, Atlanta, Birmingham, Nashville, Knoxville, Memphis, Savannah, Augusta, Columbia, Greenville, Charleston. Charlotte, Asheville, etc. you aren't getting much sympathy from me unless there is some good reason that you can't go out at night. If it's actually true that you have a normal social life in your town and despite going out and being active socially, aren't meeting men you find interesting and attractive, that is extremely unusual and time to consider a move. Every time I go out at night, no matter where, the ratio of men to women is at least 3:1, if you can't capitalize on that, I don't know what to tell you.
Author iris219 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 How much population in your town? How far are you from a heavier population? If you live an hour or less from Jacksonville, Orlando, Miami, Atlanta, Birmingham, Nashville, Knoxville, Memphis, Savannah, Augusta, Columbia, Greenville, Charleston. Charlotte, Asheville, etc. you aren't getting much sympathy from me unless there is some good reason that you can't go out at night. If it's actually true that you have a normal social life in your town and despite going out and being active socially, aren't meeting men you find interesting and attractive, that is extremely unusual and time to consider a move. Every time I go out at night, no matter where, the ratio of men to women is at least 3:1, if you can't capitalize on that, I don't know what to tell you. There are far more single women in my town than single men, and they’re all vying for the same unemployed, chain smoker. I’ll go a month without seeing a single man my age. I’ve seen 2 attractive men (literally, only 2) in the past couple of weeks, and neither was single. I live about 2 hours from a bigger city. I have friends who live there and I visit occasionally. I’ve met very few single men my age there. In the south, people are generally married by mid-late twenties. One of my close friends who lives in this bigger city doesn’t know any single men she could set me up with (she’s married, btw). She always says how glad she is that she’s married because there really seem to be no single men left over 30 in our area.
mike1988 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I haven't had sex in 7 months. I'm about to turn 23. I feel as though my chance for fun and sex is pretty much over.
Lexygirl Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I'm here to live and make the most of my life, so I use any tools I can find that will help me do that better -- including LS. Good for you, Ruby
dasein Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Am unaware of any such town in the South other than possibly Albany, GA which is said to be the divorced female capital of the country. There are plenty of desirable, single men in larger cities in the South, you are mischaracterizing the young marriage rate because so many people in the South now are from elsewhere. I am having trouble imagining where you live that is a whole 2 hours from at least a midsized city or even larger college town. That is very poor location if so. IMO you should make a plan to move if you aren't finding the social or sexual life you want as opposed to changing your basic attitudes and values about sex and relationships.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 You're the one whoring around, and you know it. First of all, thank you for defending my honor. Second, you're right: I can't speak for Ruby, but I'm pretty sure she's never said she isn't looking for a relationship. I'm under the impression that she is, based on her posts. She has said she's not looking for a relationship with her FWB, but that doesn't mean she's not looking for a relationship. I am looking for a relationship. Except for the times I was getting over a breakup, I always have been. I'm just not meeting quality, compatible prospects. I'm doing all kinds of things to improve my chances of meeting good guys who are compatible with me, doing things and exploring social circles I never thought I would. And I will continue to do so.
Author iris219 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 First of all, thank you for defending my honor. Second, you're right: I am looking for a relationship. Except for the times I was getting over a breakup, I always have been. I'm just not meeting quality, compatible prospects. I'm doing all kinds of things to improve my chances of meeting good guys who are compatible with me, doing things and exploring social circles I never thought I would. And I will continue to do so. I'm tired of guys who are quick to throw out the whore label, but only apply it to women. I was pretty sure you hadn't given up on finding someone, unless I had missed some of your posts. For some reason, many men are perplexed to learn that there are women who smart, fun, pretty, talented, and stable who can’t find a suitable mate. They just don't know how to respond or react to us! I'm trying to not give up hope that I will meet someone one day. In the meantime, I just try to enjoy my life, which is pretty darn good overall.
mike1988 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I'm tired of guys who are quick to throw out the whore label, but only apply it to women. I was pretty sure you hadn't given up on finding someone, unless I had missed some of your posts. For some reason, many men are perplexed to learn that there are women who smart, fun, pretty, talented, and stable who can’t find a suitable mate. They just don't know how to respond or react to us! I'm trying to not give up hope that I will meet someone one day. In the meantime, I just try to enjoy my life, which is pretty darn good overall. It's the conception (no pun intended) that people have with sex. There would be nothing hotter for me, a guy who would like a relationship but loves sex than for the woman to take the initiative. Have a great date, then have her leap onto my lap and say, "Come on...I need it...do it!!!" but that never happens outside of the movies. Women say "Not looking for sex" then on the date wants sex but don't attract the guys who want it. They need to make their priorities clear.
dasein Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 A key which can open many locks is a good key. A lock which can be opened by many keys is a bad lock. Having a "Ghostbusters" flashback for some reason.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Having a "Ghostbusters" flashback for some reason. I am the Gatekeeper! Judgments about female sexuality from bitter, women-hating men on a message board are meaningless to me, and don't ruffle me in the slightest. All these guys are doing is exposing their own anger and insecurity.
rafallus Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 A key which can open many locks is a good key. A lock which can be opened by many keys is a bad lock. Or maybe there is no lock or key, just two people lusting for each other. Yes, I do have issues which cause me to create absurd and surrealistic visions.
Woggle Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I'm tired of guys who are quick to throw out the whore label, but only apply it to women. I was pretty sure you hadn't given up on finding someone, unless I had missed some of your posts. For some reason, many men are perplexed to learn that there are women who smart, fun, pretty, talented, and stable who can’t find a suitable mate. They just don't know how to respond or react to us! I'm trying to not give up hope that I will meet someone one day. In the meantime, I just try to enjoy my life, which is pretty darn good overall. Not insulting anybody but it is very hard for me to understand why a woman who has a lot to offer a man can't find a decent one. They are so much in demand these days that I do figure there must be something wrong with him or be horrible at picking men themselves. Not trying to insult anybody but it just seems odd to me.
KR10N Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 It's been nearly a year since I've had sex. Here are my options: A. ONS with a man who could be considered reasonably attractive in the dark after a few drinks, who I would never want to speak to again B. Remain celibate indefinitely Yes, these are my only options. I'm pretty grossed out by the first option, but becoming increasingly frustrated with the second. Which would you choose, and why?Neither. Go streaking.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Not insulting anybody but it is very hard for me to understand why a woman who has a lot to offer a man can't find a decent one. They are so much in demand these days that I do figure there must be something wrong with him or be horrible at picking men themselves. Not trying to insult anybody but it just seems odd to me. Even if there were an equal number of men and women in any given population, there are verifiably more men with criminal records, history of substance abuse, violent behavior, etc... not to mention homosexual... than women. There are just fewer 'decent' men. Period. Pair that with men's general tendency not to date women their own age... then all a decent woman is left with are little boys trying to get their 'learn on' or geezers who think they are entitled to someone much younger. ...or, like in me and Iris' case... being the OW for a married man our own age.. That's what we have to pick from.
Author iris219 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Not insulting anybody but it is very hard for me to understand why a woman who has a lot to offer a man can't find a decent one. They are so much in demand these days that I do figure there must be something wrong with him or be horrible at picking men themselves. Not trying to insult anybody but it just seems odd to me. Are high quality women in high demand? It doesn't seem like it. I know very few single men and the few I know are mostly undateable (for a variety of reasons). Yet, I know a lot of awesome single women (just my observation--clearly not scientific.) I know awesome guys too, but they're not single. I'm not turning down nice guys. I'm turning down creepy alcoholics and commitment phobes who sleep with everyone. Does it seem odd to you when a man who has a lot to offer is single?
Woggle Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I know tons of men who don't fit any of the descriptions. They are clean, have good jobs and are good guys but can't seem to find a woman to save their life. It's not like there are a lot of great woman around either. Take away the man haters, the women with tons of issues and the spoiled princesses and what do you have? Quality women are very much in demand and my friends always say they would love to meet a faithful, low drama woman that treats them well and wonder why it is so hard.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I know tons of men who don't fit any of the descriptions. They are clean, have good jobs and are good guys but can't seem to find a woman to save their life. It's not like there are a lot of great woman around either. Take away the man haters, the women with tons of issues and the spoiled princesses and what do you have? Quality women are very much in demand and my friends always say they would love to meet a faithful, low drama woman that treats them well and wonder why it is so hard. define what you mean by 'treats them well' In my experience, alot of men I've met seem to believe the world revolves around them and their needs. I'm supposed to drop whatever I'm doing at their mere suggestion... but if I ask them to rearrange their plans... then its a no go or I'm twisting their arm. They treat women more like pets than partners, IMHO. Supposed to be there at their convenience for sex, domestic support, emotional support... etc. With not much in return. top that with a general expectation from alot of them (not all, mind you) that I'm going to be their mommy (cook, clean, shop, etc) in addition to holding down a job that is just as demanding as theirs (which is something that initially attracted them to me)... AND I stay trim, fit and well groomed while they are allowed to grow a beer gut... ...and you have the male version of HIGH MAINTENANCE. These are men who have zero to offer me. I don't care how much money they make, how good they look, or how so-called faithful they are. Any man who expects me to do things for him that he won't do for me... is not a partnership and I'm better of by myself. You see the whining here on this forum every day. They think that all they have to do is look good and bring home the bacon and the ladies should come running... Frankly, I really don't need another 'project'
Woggle Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Treats well means being faithful, and treating a man the way they would want to be treated.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 You're looking for sex but don't want to make use of a tool that gives access to lots of horny men. Hmm. Okay. It doesn't sound like she is looking for casual sex, rebounders, and geezers. IMHO, she is either going to have to try OLD and deal with the dregs there... or move. My vote is that she start making progress on moving... Doing OLD is just delaying the inevitable. If she is living in an area with poor prospects... going online isn't going to change that. It will just take valuable time away from plans to move.
Author iris219 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I'm supposed to drop whatever I'm doing at their mere suggestion... but if I ask them to rearrange their plans... then its a no go or I'm twisting their arm. They treat women more like pets than partners, IMHO. Supposed to be there at their convenience for sex, domestic support, emotional support... etc. With not much in return. You just described my ex perfectly. He looked good on paper--attractive, intelligent, successful, insightful--but had nothing to offer emotionally. He had the emotional capacity of a garden gnome, yet he expected a lot from me. I was supposed to listen to him whine about work and tell him how much smarter he was than everyone, but he refused to listen to me talk about work. He point blank said one day that my work is boring (actually, it's not at all) and he didn't want to hear about it. He never offered to do anything for me when I was sick, but he expected me to drop everything if he was sick. I kept thinking if I did nice things for him, he would be inspired to reciprocate. Then I realized he wanted me to be his girlfriend for many of the reasons why he drove a very expensive car that was out of his price range. I was one more "item" that made gave him status and made him look good.
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