Having babies later in life

[Eve]

Has anyone here had children young, then gone on to have further children later in life?

 

I know only three couple as such in real life. Found some good stuff on the net though..

 

Hubby is not too into the idea but I think it has more to do with one of the kids eating the left over lamb shank he had his eye on during in the night, more than a real resistance to the idea.

 

Personally, I don't want an empty nest. I like being a Mummy and could probably push out a couple more and be fine. If not, I will have surgery or something.

 

I even have the names.

 

Silly idea or good idea? Perspectives please.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[kimmi]

I did this, my kids are all at a legal age to live on there own, 16 , 20 and 22 years old. I have the same problem, I love to be needed though thats why I do not like a empty nest.

My friend had a baby and in May of this year the baby came to live with me. I was going to adopt her but the parents and I have agreed to do this temp until she has able to care for the child. I was going to adopt her however it being thata the mother really loves this baby I want to give her a chance and I am just helping her out, all legally though.

Now with all that being said I can say that it is so much different when you are older , For me it is nicer to have them when you are older. I enjoy every moment with this child.I have her needs and they are met before mine. When I was younger it was not like this, the pregnancies just happened and I was only 18 when I had my first >

 

Older is better

[AHardDaysNight]

My mom had me at age 32. Just saying.

[Eve]

Thanks for the posts. Kimmi, I just don't want a quiet house.

 

Two days ago I decided that I was not going to have any further children, mainly because one point of indecision was beginning to do my head in. I even fell out with my Hubby because he went to sleep whilst I was in one of my yearnings. I am so hormonal and broody! Poor man, he hasn't even done anything wrong, (this time). I feel tearful and have an ache that won't go away. I was like this before having my youngest daughter. I have got it BAD..

 

The next day Hubby and I were going out to have breakfast (he was surprised anything had even been wrong and was intent on pampering me) and I saw the most beautiful little dual heritage girl, (with gorgeous fluffy brown boots which were too adorable for words) and she said to her Grandparents, 'look, that's one of Mummy's friends'. This suggests to me that her Mum is black, like me. You see, my main conflict is that in having a child of dual heritage I have been worrying that he or she would go through too much confusion. This simple experience made me feel better and I am back to wanting children again. Full on wanting them. Though really, I don't think I went too far in the direction of not wanting another one.. or two. I want to call them James and Grace, or Jamie and Gracie. I want to have fraternal twins so badly..

 

I love being a Mummy and have a lot to offer a child. I have been with Hubby for a while now and could imagine that a baby together would be an alright kid. We share four children together. He has two and I have two who are all just about grown up now. They are 22, 22, 19 and 17.

 

Just have to sort out the financial side so that I don't have to go back to my current job. My work can be highly distressing at times and I don't want to be pregnant and be in that environment... as much as I actually love it and don't normally get stressed. I can however get over tired. Somethimes I come home and have to go to bed because I am emotionally drained. One lady I know off, recently lost her baby late in the pregnancy and I really felt it was too do with being in a high stress environment. **** that!

 

So, I am trying to hold it down and have surrendered this issue to God. Next month is the time that we will officially decide what we are going to do as I want to prepare my body to have a child born under Libra. Until then I am just going to chill out and get on with my life. The business is doing very well and we are hoping for a breakthrough to enable us to to go ahead.

 

.. Live in hope and all that.

 

I wanted to have another child about 3-4 years ago but my youngest daughter was quite naughty at that time and so we decided we should focus on her. She is fine now!

 

I don't feel or look too old to do this. I just think it is the issue about having a child who is dual heritage which is central. I don't mind the caring, educational and nurturing aspect of having babies. I even don't mind going through the whole labour thing again.. even though it is quite disturbing. I will have to have support with the aspect of putting on weight though as I have a psychological thing going on towards anything which involves excess weight.

 

Anyhow, it is good to write it all down.

 

Take care,

Eve x

Edited October 23, 2011 by Eve

[SmellOfRain]

Hi Eve

 

I married at the age of 20, had my first baby (girl) at 21, and my second baby (another girl) at 23......we had decided to just have the 2.....anyway, 14 years later I fell pregnant much to our surprise as we had been successful with our contraception method until then....I had mixed feelings as this wasn't planned and we had been looking forward to doing a lot more things just as a couple .....the experience for me having my son later in life (I was 36) was/is as different as day and night.....he is just over 3 years old now and only now starting to sleep through the night .....my girls slept through at 10 weeks old....so it's been a huge adjustment in dealing with sleep deprivation etc.....my daughters are now 18 and 17, and they love him to bits and offer to babysit quite a bit......we'd be lost without them......I enjoy seeing the world through his fresh eyes and he has taught me so much about many things......I savour moments more with him as I have the experience that life flies by so fast.....when I was younger with my daughters, I didn't spend enough time just 'enjoying' them....this time around I take time to absorb his little world and interests....he is a wonderful little guy.....and when he says, 'Love Mummy' or 'Love Daddy' or 'Love Sissy'.....your heart just melts

 

I was never broody perse to have more children after my first 2, but am glad I was kinda thrown into it anyway lol.....I thought I had it all figured out with my previous parenting experience, but so many past theories have been tossed out the window and it's kinda like learning all over again....it is for me anyway

 

One big bonus is, he makes me feel younger, and that's always a good thing lol

[Eve]

Hi Eve

 

I married at the age of 20, had my first baby (girl) at 21, and my second baby (another girl) at 23......we had decided to just have the 2.....anyway, 14 years later I fell pregnant much to our surprise as we had been successful with our contraception method until then....I had mixed feelings as this wasn't planned and we had been looking forward to doing a lot more things just as a couple .....the experience for me having my son later in life (I was 36) was/is as different as day and night.....he is just over 3 years old now and only now starting to sleep through the night .....my girls slept through at 10 weeks old....so it's been a huge adjustment in dealing with sleep deprivation etc.....my daughters are now 18 and 17, and they love him to bits and offer to babysit quite a bit......we'd be lost without them......I enjoy seeing the world through his fresh eyes and he has taught me so much about many things......I savour moments more with him as I have the experience that life flies by so fast.....when I was younger with my daughters, I didn't spend enough time just 'enjoying' them....this time around I take time to absorb his little world and interests....he is a wonderful little guy.....and when he says, 'Love Mummy' or 'Love Daddy' or 'Love Sissy'.....your heart just melts

 

I was never broody perse to have more children after my first 2, but am glad I was kinda thrown into it anyway lol.....I thought I had it all figured out with my previous parenting experience, but so many past theories have been tossed out the window and it's kinda like learning all over again....it is for me anyway

 

One big bonus is, he makes me feel younger, and that's always a good thing lol

 

 

Really happy things are working out for you! What you said about 'seeing the world through his fresh eyes' is what I yearn for the most.

 

I am so ready to do it all again!

 

Thanks for sharing.. made me smile.

 

I have seen another of your posts on here regarding sleep deprivation. I would LOVE to have a son and hope that it really isn't just a boy thing as my girls slept through the night reasonably easily. But to be honest.. I wouldn't even mind being woken up a lot. Anyhow, I know Hubby would try and beat me to the cot!

 

It is going to be interesting to see how things have changed in terms of what is advisable to eat during pregnancy etc too and yes, the latest parenting practises. Can't wait!

 

Take care,

Eve x

[OneFootOut]

Has anyone here had children young, then gone on to have further children later in life?

 

I know only three couple as such in real life. Found some good stuff on the net though..

 

Hubby is not too into the idea but I think it has more to do with one of the kids eating the left over lamb shank he had his eye on during in the night, more than a real resistance to the idea.

 

Personally, I don't want an empty nest. I like being a Mummy and could probably push out a couple more and be fine. If not, I will have surgery or something.

 

I even have the names.

 

Silly idea or good idea? Perspectives please.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

 

I have 4 children, ages 26, 22, 5, and 4.

 

Having kids later in life has been a joy to me. I had the youngest ones at age 38 and 39. It's different this time around. I'm more settled and patient and have a greater understanding of life in general than I did when I was young.

 

My only concern at all about your post is that there is no "we” in it, it's all about how you feel and what you want. You are assuming your hubby would be fine with it once he gets over someone gnawing on his lamb. If your hubby is against the idea, you may end up alone, even if you don' believe he would ever do that.

 

A lot of parents, when their kids are finally grown, are already planning their freedom from the responsibility, and looking forward to a life of more me-time.

 

My ex walked out on us as soon as our little ones turned 2 and 3. He had other personal issues, but it was also that he just didn't want to be 'tied down' to kids for another 18 years. Oh he was fine and happy about the idea of having them, he never had any negative opinions about it until after we had them GRRR.

 

Anyway, my point is, if your husband has the slightest negative opinion, or says he'd rather not go down that road again, believe him. Don't try to reason his resistance on losing his dinner or just having a bad day. Having kids again is a huge commitment he may not want to go through again. If you press on and do have them, you might end up a single parent as I have. Or maybe he will enjoy them as well... that's for the two of you to work out.

 

Wish you the best whatever you do

[Eve]

I have 4 children, ages 26, 22, 5, and 4.

 

Having kids later in life has been a joy to me. I had the youngest ones at age 38 and 39. It's different this time around. I'm more settled and patient and have a greater understanding of life in general than I did when I was young.

 

My only concern at all about your post is that there is no "we” in it, it's all about how you feel and what you want. You are assuming your hubby would be fine with it once he gets over someone gnawing on his lamb. If your hubby is against the idea, you may end up alone, even if you don' believe he would ever do that.

 

A lot of parents, when their kids are finally grown, are already planning their freedom from the responsibility, and looking forward to a life of more me-time.

 

My ex walked out on us as soon as our little ones turned 2 and 3. He had other personal issues, but it was also that he just didn't want to be 'tied down' to kids for another 18 years. Oh he was fine and happy about the idea of having them, he never had any negative opinions about it until after we had them GRRR.

 

Anyway, my point is, if your husband has the slightest negative opinion, or says he'd rather not go down that road again, believe him. Don't try to reason his resistance on losing his dinner or just having a bad day. Having kids again is a huge commitment he may not want to go through again. If you press on and do have them, you might end up a single parent as I have. Or maybe he will enjoy them as well... that's for the two of you to work out.

 

Wish you the best whatever you do

 

I know what you are saying. I have said to him that it is ultimately his choice and that if he does want to go ahead he has to convince me, otherwise I would be forcing him.

 

Currently he has expressed that he feels that if he says 'no' he will be letting me down and he doesn't want this. So, I don't know what will happen when the time comes to decide, which will be soon.

 

All I know is that I am crazy broody and it is not a nice feeling. It is a near painful ache

 

Sorry to hear about your Hubby. I don't know what to say. Why did he change his mind?

 

I have been with my Hubby for twelve years, thirteen years togther and know him pretty well. I am of the opinion that he will be hesitant right up to the point where the child is actually here, then he will be ok and make out that it was all his idea!. He is not a decision maker, at all. This is why I have left it up to him to convince me. If he can't then I will not have any further children. Just saying this makes me really sad but yes, I will face reality if it comes to him really not wanting to proceed with the deed.

 

I just don't like how quiet the house is now the children are older. It is boring. I can do my job with my eyes closed and to be honest, I won't miss it that much when I can finally leave. I can say that being a Mummy is the best thing I have ever done and I want more of this.

 

Of course I may not even be able to have further children ...

 

I am trying not to stress about this but yes, it is currently a quite one sided idea and I thank you for taking note and picking up on this.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Eve]

Count down time.

 

Five days from now my contraception will be removed ...

 

 

Been playing Maria Carey tunes in my hormonal, baby making haze.

 

Eve sings with passion ..

 

*.. You take me through

The loneliness and emptiness

And I feel alright

'Cause your by my side

Through it all

 

You tell me I'm the only one you need

Sweet and tenderly

And your love

Just breaks away the clouds surrounding me

And baby all I have I want to give to thee * Maria Carey, Music box.

 

Take care,

Eve xxxxxxxxx

Edited November 5, 2011 by Eve

[norajane]

Currently he has expressed that he feels that if he says 'no' he will be letting me down and he doesn't want this. So, I don't know what will happen when the time comes to decide, which will be soon.

 

You already know he doesn't want them and would only agree just because of you.

 

Is that how you want it?

 

One thing to keep in mind, or maybe do some research on...your hormones may be acting up right now...your body's last ditch effort to pop out more kids while you can. A lot of women who are getting to a certain age seem to have that hormonal kick. It passes.

[Eve]

You already know he doesn't want them and would only agree just because of you.

 

Is that how you want it?

 

One thing to keep in mind, or maybe do some research on...your hormones may be acting up right now...your body's last ditch effort to pop out more kids while you can. A lot of women who are getting to a certain age seem to have that hormonal kick. It passes.

 

 

You may be right.

 

I will live if everything goes to **** - I am independantly wealthy and I am strong.

 

I am so child crazy. This is driving me mad. Seriously, wtf?

 

Even been buying magazines..

 

I best get to my GP..

 

Take care,

Eve x

[carhill]

Mixed bag, IMO.

 

My grandmother had her first child at 18 and her last at 44, with nine others in between

 

My dad had his first daughter at twenty one and was forty three when I was born, to his second wife. He seemed to enjoy fathering me.

 

My personal perspective would be, if I had children at a young age, I'd likely not wish them as an older man, for I'd be more than likely having grandchildren to attend to at that age. That said, I'd have no issues becoming a father for the first time at my current age.

 

My best friend's daughter (married 23 years) apparently is feeling much of what I'm gathering in your OP. Her sons are 21 and 23 and she just turned 41 and is hotter sexually than a gasoline torch and hankering for another baby. Ends up she got this little dog and treats it like a baby. That seems to be working, so far.

[norajane]

I'd likely not wish them as an older man, for I'd be more than likely have grandchildren to attend to at that age.

 

Eve, your kids are older...maybe being a grandmother one day would make you happy, without forcing your hubby to be a father again...just a thought.

[Eve]

Norajane and Carhill.

 

Thanks you for your responses. I respect you both very much.

 

.. I am crying so hard right now. Can't stop.

 

I want a baby so badly.. in fact I want twins. ****ing hell.. twins. A multiple birth is a lot of weight to put on.. I don't even like being over weight..

 

Yes, I had reasoned that I will be a Grandma sooner rather than later.. that worked for about one hour to calm me.. this actually hurts. I can't even say how much.

 

I don't know what's wrong with me!! I can't switch it off. I can switch everything off pretty easily.. this is some serious ****.

 

Playing Hobberstank.. for a child I don't even know if I can have.

 

I am officially crazy.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV4DiAyExN

 

Take care,

Eve x

[carhill]

What I've noticed in my friend's marriages which started young and had children young is that the pattern appears to progress throughout the generations. As an example, my best friend is a great grandfather at age 58. That's not uncommon amongst that demographic in my social circle, at least for folks to be grandparents in their 50's. So far, I know of none who had children young and then had another at an advanced age with the same spouse, excluding those who have large families and children continuously, like my grandmother did.

 

Edited to add that you're not crazy , rather likely feeling a new and different surge in those potent body chemicals we call hormones. I'll bet you could network with a lot of other women feeling exactly the same way.

[AlektraClementine]

I had my first (a girl) when I was 22 and my second (a boy) when I was 24. They are now 9 and 11 and in the throws of elementary school and fifth grade (going on 30) dramatics. I started realizing that I wanted another baby about 2 years ago. The older I get, the happier I become and the wiser I wish to be.

 

I am currently 6 months pregnant with my 3rd (probably last) and it's another boy. I will tell you that this time around, pregnancy is totally different. I am older, wiser, more acutely aware of what's going on with me. I love it. Fortunately, I have a partner who was just as into having this child as I am. For me though, having this baby wasn't about staving off empty nest syndrome within the next 6-8 years when my older ones go off to college. It was solely about the opportunity to raise another child. I love every bit of being a mom and truth be told, I LOVE pregnancy, labor and delivery, breastfeeding, and snuggling a cooing infant. Toddler stage is equally wonderful. I love snarky faces and the "mine" phase and the awareness that starts to grow within that child when they realize they don't have to sit on mommy's lap all the time and they can go explore. My mother was much the same and always said that if she could still birth babies, she would.

 

This sounds very important to you. Do you think it's equally important to your husband to NOT have another baby? Do you think a 3rd party chat may be of some benefit?

[Eve]

What I've noticed in my friend's marriages which started young and had children young is that the pattern appears to progress throughout the generations. As an example, my best friend is a great grandfather at age 58. That's not uncommon amongst that demographic in my social circle, at least for folks to be grandparents in their 50's. So far, I know of none who had children young and then had another at an advanced age with the same spouse, excluding those who have large families and children continuously, like my grandmother did.

 

Edited to add that you're not crazy , rather likely feeling a new and different surge in those potent body chemicals we call hormones. I'll bet you could network with a lot of other women feeling exactly the same way.

 

Thanks. I feel very crazy though, lol.

 

My youngest has just got engaged but is not planning on kids for a few years until she is a qualified Nurse. This is from what I have taught her so that she does not have children early, like me.

 

I work with kids, which makes it worse methinks. I do think this is one of those situation that has to run it's course. There is a lesson to be learned here and I have to learn it. No easy way out, whether there are tears or not. It is ok to have children at my age.

 

Hubby could prove to me that he could do this? It's not over until it's over. I won't push him.

 

Right, back on focus. Hubby doesn't know about my tears and I won't tell him.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[norajane]

Hubby could prove to me that he could do this?

 

Could do? Might it be more important that he want to?

 

I'm just trying to put myself in his shoes.

Could I have baby if my man really wanted it? Maybe I could manage it...although I might resent him...but, maybe.

But that's not the same as me wanting a child.

 

Surely you would never bear a child just because someone else wanted it but you didn't?

[Eve]

Do you have children Norajane? This question is asked for insight purposes only.

 

I told Hubby about my tears because we tell each other everything. He is being very attentive.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[anne1707]

Was it a mutual decision to have your contraception removed? Or does he even know you are doing this?

[Eve]

I had my first (a girl) when I was 22 and my second (a boy) when I was 24. They are now 9 and 11 and in the throws of elementary school and fifth grade (going on 30) dramatics. I started realizing that I wanted another baby about 2 years ago. The older I get, the happier I become and the wiser I wish to be.

 

I am currently 6 months pregnant with my 3rd (probably last) and it's another boy. I will tell you that this time around, pregnancy is totally different. I am older, wiser, more acutely aware of what's going on with me. I love it. Fortunately, I have a partner who was just as into having this child as I am. For me though, having this baby wasn't about staving off empty nest syndrome within the next 6-8 years when my older ones go off to college. It was solely about the opportunity to raise another child. I love every bit of being a mom and truth be told, I LOVE pregnancy, labor and delivery, breastfeeding, and snuggling a cooing infant. Toddler stage is equally wonderful. I love snarky faces and the "mine" phase and the awareness that starts to grow within that child when they realize they don't have to sit on mommy's lap all the time and they can go explore. My mother was much the same and always said that if she could still birth babies, she would.

 

This sounds very important to you. Do you think it's equally important to your husband to NOT have another baby? Do you think a 3rd party chat may be of some benefit?

 

Good for you, both.

 

Each pregnancy is indeed different, yes as too are decisions made at different times. I wanted to have another child about 3 years ago but that was delayed by my eldest daughter having behavioural problems. Hubby was on board too at that time. Now that that situation has been resolved I have gone back into wanting a child whereas he is looking at the freedom aspect of all the children now being able to look after themselves and does not want to start again. This along a scale of 100 means that he is 70 - 30 against having another child. We have agreed that if we do we would have a nanny etc though so that we can still maintain much of our freedom.

 

So yes, I am aware that this probably could be my last chance at a child but I do not think that this lessens the validity of my feelings. I have asked lots of my friends for their opinions and my older friends think it a great idea and wished they had done the same.

 

Anne - Of course my Husband knows that I am removing my contraception. It's time for that to happen as part of a five year cycle with the coil I have. I will have a break for a few months (as I do) and if we don't go ahead with a baby, he will have the snip. This is a typical pattern. The difference being this time will be time to decide finally about ceasing our ability to have babies. Which to me at 39 is huge.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[anne1707]

Anne - Of course my Husband knows that I am removing my contraception. It's time for that to happen as part of a five year cycle with the coil I have. I will have a break for a few months (as I do) and if we don't go ahead with a baby, he will have the snip. This is a typical pattern. The difference being this time will be time to decide finally about ceasing our ability to have babies. Which to me at 39 is huge.

 

Thank you for clarifying and that all seems very reasonable (I was unsure because you had said your H was not set on having another baby).

 

As someone who wanted children but has never had them (and now extremely unlikely I will), my belief is that a child should be an addition to a happy and fulfilling life and not about filling a void. My concern is that as you are going through some major change in your life as your children grow up and rely on you less then you are after filling this void they have left.

 

But there is no void in reality. You are now entering a different type of relationship with them as independent adults. I loved how in my twenties the relationship with my father changed with him treating me more as an equal as opposed to a child/teenager etc. Enjoy this time and also look forward to their futures with grandchildren.

 

This can also be a time to re-invest in your marriage. You and your H will have more time for each other and be able to do things you maybe couldn't before - enjoy life, make the most of it. And if you still want children after that then you and your H have a big decision to make together.

[Eve]

Thank you for clarifying and that all seems very reasonable (I was unsure because you had said your H was not set on having another baby).

 

As someone who wanted children but has never had them (and now extremely unlikely I will), my belief is that a child should be an addition to a happy and fulfilling life and not about filling a void. My concern is that as you are going through some major change in your life as your children grow up and rely on you less then you are after filling this void they have left.

 

But there is no void in reality. You are now entering a different type of relationship with them as independent adults. I loved how in my twenties the relationship with my father changed with him treating me more as an equal as opposed to a child/teenager etc. Enjoy this time and also look forward to their futures with grandchildren.

 

This can also be a time to re-invest in your marriage. You and your H will have more time for each other and be able to do things you maybe couldn't before - enjoy life, make the most of it. And if you still want children after that then you and your H have a big decision to make together.

 

I am not able to step back and look at this situation logically at the moment so thank you for your time on this. It is dificult to phrase but firstly, sorry that you did not go on to have children. Sorry to hear. I hope you understand the sentiment I am trying to pass on there. I agree that children should not be had as part of filling a void.

 

I was not that bothered about having further children until very recently and this has come on without any warning. I would say that the house being so quiet has been a major spark. Hubby and I have a good lifestyle and I think he feels somewhat rejected by fact that I want to have further children rather than it just be us. Really, I feel that he just wants to vegetate now and watch TV. I don't want that. I want noise and visits out and about with children together, like what we have always had but this time with a child togther. He is just so gorgeous. Our baby would be so cute. I know I will regret not having his baby. Hubby has always been slightly competitive with the children and I think he is glad that he has me all to himself now. I think it is slightly boring and would not want to continue like this now for the rest of our marriage. That is really how I feel.

 

I do feel a bit of anger forming more and more towards my Hubby as we had agreed that if I wanted to have babies he would honour this as he is older than me by 11 years and he knows how maternal I am.

 

Rationally, I think he is worried about me more than anything else as I have been buying baby magazines and talk about babies all the time, which has not occurred before in the history of our marriage. This did happen to me on this scale prior to having my youngest daughter, where I was equally as crazy as I currently am. I had her name too and was convinced it would be a girl. I had to have her.

 

So that's where I am at.

 

I am going to have my coil removed and see my GP in case there is a biological problem going on with my hormones. But having seen this craziness before I don't think there is a biological problem, I think I am being called to have further children.

 

Hubby was even saying that he doesn't want to have the snip if doesn't want to have any more children. We nearly fell out over this as really why would I stop myself from having children when this is not what I want? That should be his responsibility. He was pushing my buttons on that day though. We do push each others buttons and not argue, it's just how we are. He is trying it on to see if I would take the full responsibility of contraception as I always have but he has to realise that my contraception has to be handled differently as I approach my 40's.

 

Anyhow, we are fine. We just have a big decision to make and I do feel that if this decision is in the negative it could mark the end of my marriage. I know many couples who split once the children leave home.

 

Take care,

Eve x