Woggle Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2033793/Why-women-mock-men-love.html#comments Please tell me this is not how most women think about their men? I know the Daily Mail prints gender war crap like this all the time but I thought it would be an interesting discussion.
Afishwithabike Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I don't badmouth my spouse in public to my friends or family. Have you seen this other LS thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t291781/
Author Woggle Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 I must admit many men do as well. The men I know are either very happy in their marriages or completely miserable with good reason. They don't really complain about little stuff too much.
scaredandalone1223 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 In a joking fashion....maybe. Even then I would not say something that I would not say if my husband were standing beside me.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 not most women I know, anyway. Who knows what's going on in the trenches among the haters. I will confess to chortling privately about my future husband's (tomorrow!) attachment to his necktie collection from the '80's - and how he is planning to wear one to our wedding!
Stung Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 (edited) I have some very close girlfriends of many years, and we get together fairly rarely as we're all busy with work/school/kids. When we get together, I do talk with them about any problems my husband and I are having, if we're butting heads about something. That's something women do, we talk things out to each other. I will vent some frustrations to them, and they to me, it helps us let out a little steam--and we listen to each other, and lend the support of understanding, and then usually try to give constructive advice rather than tearing the husbands down. I also sometimes will joke about something my husband does, but I do it when he's right next to me, too--it's pretty gentle ribbing, and he does it right back to me about stuff that I do. My girlfriends and I definitely don't sit around complaining about and berating our husbands constantly, or publicly. I've never heard any of us call our husbands/boyfriends ridiculous, or sneer at and deliberately emasculate them like some of the women in the linked article. There is always an underlying understanding that we're talking about another human being who we love and respect, even though there's some misunderstanding or whatever that's driving us a little crazy, also. We frequently brag about and compliment our husbands/boyfriends, their good qualities, their accomplishments, so it's pretty even-handed. I have also never witnessed anybody trying to get their child to disrespect their own father, except for my stepdaughter's mother, and she actually is decent enough to try to keep that under wraps most of the time as even she recognizes it as emotional blackmail and bad parenting. I also live in an area where girls and boys of involved parents are generally BOTH held up to high expectations, academically, etc. I certainly do everything I can to encourage and enrich my young son, and I respect his bond with his father. On further thought, I do know ONE woman who does this. I have seen her say things to her husband that made me raise my eyebrows and wonder why/how he puts up with it, and I don't think she even notices that she does it anymore. He cheated on her several years ago with a friend of hers, and since then they have slept in separate bedrooms but stayed together 'for the children'. She is obviously unhappy and has been taking out her anger on him for years, and I guess he takes it out of guilt--I have NO idea why they think this family model is better for their daughters than divorcing and co-parenting, but it's the choice they are making. Every single person I know who knows them thinks they should divorce and try to find happiness, because they are miserable. That's just one couple out of a sea of pretty happy couples I am surrounded by, however. Edited September 6, 2011 by Stung
Avery Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 No. Most women do not. At least not in my experience.. and the few who do constantly run down their husbands, make the rest of us uncomfortable.
Author Woggle Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 I admit I have visions of most married women just pouring out their resentments when they get together. Maybe that is just the paranoia talking.
Tayla Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I debunk such chatter when I sit in a hen group setting by being quiet for a few moments and then graciously saying " Do any of you have sons?" . ANd usually one or two will chime in and I then say, Your husband is someones' son, remember that as you speak of them. Suddenly they become quiet and pensive. Don'tget me wrong when I say there are some very funny stories shared about spouses and the silly stuff they try to attempt, for that I do enjoy a chuckle. Heck one time even my spouse shared a story about my blonde moment when I was first married. I tried hard to have dinner each night and one night in a rush home from work I tossed into the oven a Tuna noodle casserole. We sat down to eat it and he ever so kindly said Dear this is great! ANd I started to cry...and he said What is the matter dear? I said....Hon...look behind you, and there sitting on the counter was the can of tuna that I forgot to add to the meal! WE then laughed sooo hard! He was telling that story for years and I can tell you that to this day I double check that I added the tuna!! Its how one tells of the follies of the mate that makes all the difference.
D-Lish Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I admit I have visions of most married women just pouring out their resentments when they get together. Maybe that is just the paranoia talking. I have two gf's that are in unhappy marriages. When we get together they'll talk about their sadness over being cheated on and feeling stuck because of the children.
Author Woggle Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 I have two gf's that are in unhappy marriages. When we get together they'll talk about their sadness over being cheated on and feeling stuck because of the children. That is different. I am talking about women married to good men who seem to try hard to find reasons to be mad at them.
D-Lish Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 That is different. I am talking about women married to good men who seem to try hard to find reasons to be mad at them. Never encountered that besides one awful girl that used to be a part of our friend group because she "married into it"... He was an amazing guy and she was just an awful, mean girl. She used to rip into him and insult him in public, and it horrified all of us. So- in my many years of hanging out with women- I've known one like that. The majority of women I've known would never do that. I wouldn't choose to hang around the types that would.
KathyM Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I think it's important to guard your spouse's reputation and not to badmouth them to others. It also makes the person doing the badmouthing look pretty bad, and makes the person hearing it uncomfortable. Very unfair to your spouse. I can say the same about people who badmouth their kids all the time too. I think people have an obligation to protect the reputation of their family, and if they are having an issue with their spouse or kids, they should go directly to the person (spouse or kids) to handle the grievance, and not make outsiders a sounding board for their grievances with their husbands or kids. The exception would be maybe confiding in a very close friend or relative in a way that is fair for the purpose of eliciting helpful advice, such as talking to your mother about a problem you are having in your marriage, hoping that she has some words of wisdom. But to just badmouth your spouse or kids to others is just plain ugly, and is being disloyal to them.
D-Lish Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I'd say it's 50/50 with the women I know. Oddly enough, the two that are happiest are married without children and still going strong and enjoying one another many years later. I don't know if that has anything to do with it- just an observation.
xxoo Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I've known a couple women who do this. But I've also known a couple men who do it. In one case, they are married to each other (newlyweds, in fact! )
Author Woggle Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Reading stuff like this really shows why so many men are scared of commitment. Can you imagine being stuck with somebody who has this kind of contempt and disdain for you? If you have kids with her and have built a life as a couple you can't get out without losing your right to be a full time parent in your kid's lives and taking a huge financial hit so you are stuck coming home to somebody who despises you. It sure sounds like fun doesn't it?
D-Lish Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Reading stuff like this really shows why so many men are scared of commitment. Can you imagine being stuck with somebody who has this kind of contempt and disdain for you? If you have kids with her and have built a life as a couple you can't get out without losing your right to be a full time parent in your kid's lives and taking a huge financial hit so you are stuck coming home to somebody who despises you. It sure sounds like fun doesn't it? Where are you at?
Author Woggle Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Where are you at? I don't fully understand what you mean.
D-Lish Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I don't fully understand what you mean. Really? You have a past, but you also have a wife that is nothing like the examples you seek... So where are you at?
Author Woggle Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Really? You have a past, but you also have a wife that is nothing like the examples you seek... So where are you at? I am very lucky but it is obvious from the examples presented that many men are not.
Woman In Blue Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Yet more paranoia. It never ends. Did you ever think that just MAYBE women resent being house slaves to men who sit on their asses all night in their recliner while the WIFE busts her ass doing everything? Yeah, yeah, now we'll hear from ALL the men and how they do everything at home and I'm oh, so wrong. Blah blah blah. From what I've seen and experienced, the majority of women I've known over my life work full time jobs AND get stuck with 99% of the childraising and chores at home - while their useless husbands surf the web all night, sleep on the couch, watch one stupid sitcom after another, or spend their time navel-gazing. Some of them take the garbage out or give their kids a bath and think they're doing an equal share. As IF. At the end of a workday for a woman, her SECOND job begins - going home to take care of the kids, straightening up the clutter from the night before, planning the evening's dinner, preparing the evening's dinner, throwing a load of laundry in the wash, fielding 2,000 questions from her kids as she runs around preparing dinner and setting the table, getting tomorrow's work clothes (and his as well) prepared for the next day, serving dinner, cleaning up after dinner, opening the mail, throwing the load of laundry in the dryer, cleaning out the dog's/cat's bowls and feeding them, supervising bath time/bed time for the kids, making sure they've all completed their homework or school projects while she's cleaning the kitchen and packing everyone's lunch for the next day, folding the laundry now done in the dyer, getting the kids settled into bed, and then maybe - just MAYBE - around 9:30 or so, she can finally sit down where her lazy-ass husband has been sitting most of the night before crawling off to bed exhausted at 10:00 pm. THAT scenario is the most common one played out in alot of households. YES, THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS. But the majority of households are run like this. I've lived that dream myself - twice. Then the whining husband cries that he's neglected because his wife isn't paying attention to HIM all night, inflating his pathetic ego and acting like a sex goddess for him and doing his sexual bidding, once she's finally done slaving her ass off all night for her family. Think I'm wrong? Not likely. The other poster was right - there are alot of women who aren't happy being married because they're spending their lives busting their asses for ungrateful men who think that just because THEY work a 40 hour week (just like their wives do!) they've done their share and they should be able to come home and lay on the couch all night or go looking for cheap thrills in the Spank Me Mommy!! chatroom because they're neglected. This isn't news that women are doing most of the work in these marriages, folks.
scaredandalone1223 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 As this thread progressed I thought it appropriate to add this. I have jokingly said things to him before and around others, usually in his presence. Even then it is kept light and clearly a joke to everyone around. In the past however I had 2 girlfriends I would discuss things with. One was going through a reconciliation after her husband cheated and was still living in another state. The other was who I thought to be my 'best' friend and like a sister to my husband. The first friend truly was helpful and our similarities (although still some major differences in our situations) helped us both tremendously and we are both happily reconciled. My 'best' friend however was a BIG mistake. The person I thought I could talk to and who would be their to support our relationship no matter what helped facilitate our separation. I will never make the mistake of taking any troubles I have with my husband outside of our marriage again. No matter how much you think you can trust someone to be a sympathetic ear you never really know. I still may make a joke about if I left him in charge of the laundry our black pants would be washed with towels and come out covered with towel lint....to which his response would be something like and what is the problem with drying off while you're getting dressed seems like a win/ win to me. As far as discussing any other portion of my marriage with anyone, other than a therapist, NOT HAPPENING. My co-workers, family and mostly everyone else around me have always heard only high praise (hence why so many were shocked by our separation) about my husband and that's what they will continue to hear and my closet friends will only hear the same.
xxoo Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I am very lucky but it is obvious from the examples presented that many men are not. You can't save the world. Some of those guys don't even want to be saved.
StoneCold Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) Yet more paranoia. It never ends. Did you ever think that just MAYBE women resent being house slaves to men who sit on their asses all night in their recliner while the WIFE busts her ass doing everything? Yeah, yeah, now we'll hear from ALL the men and how they do everything at home and I'm oh, so wrong. Blah blah blah. From what I've seen and experienced, the majority of women I've known over my life work full time jobs AND get stuck with 99% of the childraising and chores at home - while their useless husbands surf the web all night, sleep on the couch, watch one stupid sitcom after another, or spend their time navel-gazing. Some of them take the garbage out or give their kids a bath and think they're doing an equal share. As IF. At the end of a workday for a woman, her SECOND job begins - going home to take care of the kids, straightening up the clutter from the night before, planning the evening's dinner, preparing the evening's dinner, throwing a load of laundry in the wash, fielding 2,000 questions from her kids as she runs around preparing dinner and setting the table, getting tomorrow's work clothes (and his as well) prepared for the next day, serving dinner, cleaning up after dinner, opening the mail, throwing the load of laundry in the dryer, cleaning out the dog's/cat's bowls and feeding them, supervising bath time/bed time for the kids, making sure they've all completed their homework or school projects while she's cleaning the kitchen and packing everyone's lunch for the next day, folding the laundry now done in the dyer, getting the kids settled into bed, and then maybe - just MAYBE - around 9:30 or so, she can finally sit down where her lazy-ass husband has been sitting most of the night before crawling off to bed exhausted at 10:00 pm. THAT scenario is the most common one played out in alot of households. YES, THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS. But the majority of households are run like this. I've lived that dream myself - twice. Then the whining husband cries that he's neglected because his wife isn't paying attention to HIM all night, inflating his pathetic ego and acting like a sex goddess for him and doing his sexual bidding, once she's finally done slaving her ass off all night for her family. Think I'm wrong? Not likely. The other poster was right - there are alot of women who aren't happy being married because they're spending their lives busting their asses for ungrateful men who think that just because THEY work a 40 hour week (just like their wives do!) they've done their share and they should be able to come home and lay on the couch all night or go looking for cheap thrills in the Spank Me Mommy!! chatroom because they're neglected. This isn't news that women are doing most of the work in these marriages, folks. Are you kidding me??? for a group that likes to tout "anti justification" for poor behaviour this is an absoulte trip... but as I have pointed out that argument has become quite convenient for many here ....and I'm not sure where you live but I dont know ANY GUY that can come home and put his feet up...not ONE...and I dont know a single woman that will stand for it.....what is this? Back to the Future where we are all living in 2011 and you are miraculously living in 1954 YET on this board? ...amazing...Sure there are some couples who are like this...but the generalization you just made is way off base Both have second jobs...both...the spilt of time may be different because the guys tend to work more hours than the woman but as soon as the guy gets home theres no "hey woman fix me a sangwhich"...we wrok too and I dont care how the time is split....a 14hour day is a 14 hour day...and if the guy isnt around to help its likely because he ACTUALLY is working a 13-14hr day and if thats the case you should worship him....yeah you like the lifestyle you have because of that extra income stream...dont you? I dont get you women... You dont make enough money...you're history..you go and make money...your an a$$...."I want this house...this vacation..this level of security"...but you dont want the guy to have to work to achieve this...no you should plant a money tree in the back yard right? Thats why when you women start bitching we just tune you right out...and you should be lucky thats all we do because really we should be tearing a strip of bacon of their a$$ for being so damn insulting Edited September 7, 2011 by StoneCold
xxoo Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 ....and I'm not sure where you live but I dont know ANY GUY that can come home and put his feet up...not ONE...and I dont know a single woman that will stand for it..... I don't either. Not in my generation or younger, anyway. I'll tell you who I know. I know a DATING couple who just moved in together, and the girl is a total biotch, and we can NOT understand why this guy moved in with her (she's pretty.....), but apparently he has an ex who treated him like crap, and this is his M.O. He doesn't want to be saved. He's planning to marry her This is a good looking guy with a good job. Help me understand And he's not the first guy I've seen do something like this!
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