TheGrimSweeper Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Hey everyone, myself and my girlfriend have been together for about 2.5 years, with two breakups in between. Mostly because of her committment issues. We were broken up for two months the first time, 4 months the second. As soon as I start pulling away she always seems to come back. She knows we can't just be friends cause we fell in love with each other, and she knows this is her last chance with me (she initiated both breakups whereas I was willing to work on things). I told her if it happens again I'm gone for good and am never coming back. We have an age gap, Im 25, shes 21 which I dont think helps. Recently after a fight Ive noticed shes started to pull away again. We had a talk and she says shes afraid that if things ever go bad between us and we split up, that shes going to lose everything and be pushed to the side. Its almost like now shes afraid to commit herself to me because of this, shes completely stopped saying she loves me ever since this, stop using her cute nicknames for me and almost as if she just treats me as a friend. Its a never ending loop ever since it ended the first time. before we ever split up she was 100% commited to me and always made me feel loved. Now.. I know she loves me but she rarely shows it anymore. Has anyone ever delt with a commitment phobe before? I dont know whether to back off and take everything more casually or sit her down and have a talk about all this.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 My last boyfriend seemed to be a CP, and I have female friends who are, too. The only way you can win with a CP is not to take it too seriously, to just have lighthearted fun with them. Don't expect it to last, because it almost certainly won't. You have to make sure they are coming toward you more than you are going toward them. Ignore their phone calls and texts sometimes, and rarely invite them to anything. They are excited by mystery, distance, and the chase, and as soon as they get something, they're bored. So the relationship is this endless game of cat and mouse, and you're the mouse. And of course, eventually, they always find someone else more mysterious, distant, and aloof to intrigue them. Hence my point about enjoying it for lighthearted fun only.
Author TheGrimSweeper Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 I dont think shes that bad, otherwise the real question would be why would I want to be with someone like that? When the whole relationship is just one big game. she just doesn't know what she wants. She says she loves me and wants to marry me, then she says how once shes done school this year she wants to take off and explore the world. i dont know what to do.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 She says she loves me and wants to marry me, then she says how once shes done school this year she wants to take off and explore the world. i dont know what to do. She's 21, and most likely, she's barely begun exploring herself, men, and the world. Maybe some women want to settle down at 21, but most do not in 2011. Your gf has clearly communicated she feels a strong pull to globetrot and have some fun before she settles down. And she probably should. So again, the best thing to do here is enjoy this in as lighthearted a way as possible. Enjoy it while it lasts. It's really all anybody can do, anyway.
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