sunrise28 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I've been with my partner in our LDR for just over 3 years. We're both nearly 40 and I have 2 children. I would like your views on how long I should wait to be together permanently? I understand that he can't sell his house atm because it's in negative equity but I don't want to wait forever. I've known he can't sell and have stayed because he is my 'one' and I am his. The love we have is not in dispute. However because I can't go up there while we wait for the house to be in a better state financially. It has made things very hard. He divorced his wife 3 years ago but they are still living together because neither can afford to move anywhere. I think I've been very good aout the whole thing and very understanding. He's aslo had depression which i am supporting him on. Am I wrong to want to know when we'll be together? am I wrong to have any thoughts like these? He has told me he can't give me a time as it's out of his control. I don't know what to do. We're engaged so I need to have some idea. Though I would happily wait longer for marriage, if only to be with him.
LittleTiger Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 The obvious answer to this is "it depends" - only you can decide! Three years is a long time. How much longer can you tolerate the distance? How happy are you with the way things are currently in your relationship - with the amount of contact and the time together? If the two of you being together is dependent on him selling his house, and it has to be out of negative equity before he and his ex can/will sell then you are probably in for a very long wait. Who knows what the housing market is going to do - another five years maybe? My own LDR is two years so far and I will only continue for another year if we get to see each other more often next year than we have this year. My own situation is also partly dependent on the property market and my property has been for sale longer than I've been in my relationship! LDRs are all so different it's impossible to say how long any of us 'should' wait!
FitChick Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 This problem is easily solved by lowering the selling price. No one is going to get the same price they paid when they bought the place. Most people are in the same boat these days. Nothing is going to change any time soon and quite possibly will get worse. Or rent it out because the rental market is very strong now with all the people who lost their homes to foreclosure. I'm gobsmacked that you had two kids with a man you are not only not married to but not living with. How do you know he is even divorced? Do you and the kids stay with him and his wife in their house?
LittleTiger Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 This problem is easily solved by lowering the selling price. No one is going to get the same price they paid when they bought the place. Most people are in the same boat these days. Nothing is going to change any time soon and quite possibly will get worse. Or rent it out because the rental market is very strong now with all the people who lost their homes to foreclosure. I'm gobsmacked that you had two kids with a man you are not only not married to but not living with. How do you know he is even divorced? Do you and the kids stay with him and his wife in their house? Negative equity means they can't sell the house without leaving themselves in debt (a debt which they may never be able to repay) which means they can't lower the selling price! It's not about greed, as you seem to be suggesting, it's about avoiding financial ruin! Going bankrupt is hardly an 'easy solution' as you seem to suggest. Do you seriously think it's a good idea for someone to ruin themselves financially for love? You surprise me FitChick, since you generally come across as being entirely pragmatic about most decisions. Regarding renting out the property, they would have to bring in enough to pay their mortgage - presumably - as well being able to afford accommodation costs for each of them separately, and it really depends on where they live as to whether the rental market is 'strong'. Your responses are so 'cut and dried' simplistic. Life just isn't like that. Re the children, I'm pretty sure she means that they are hers from a previous relationship so I don't see why you'd be gobsmacked about anything! Many people are in a very difficult situation financially these days and it is not uncommon for separated and divorced couples to continue living under the same roof for financial reasons - therefore, I don't see why you need to make a dig at the OP regarding her boyfriends marital status. Obviously, if he's lying that's a problem but the OP doesn't suspect him of lying and nor is there anything in her post to suggest that he is, so how is it helpful to bring it up?
Recommended Posts