carebear87 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I was so in love with him and crazy about him, but he never committed to me and then he moved away, after we dated for about four months. We talked on the phone constantly, but I was slowly moving on and didn't tell him about my changing feelings. He eventually told me that he loves me, but by this point, I no longer wanted a relationship with him. He took it all pretty hard and refused to be just friends. We have been NC for about two months. Anyways, I just received this email from him, and was wondering how I should respond? I'm not dating anybody in particular, and would like to reestablish contact. Do you think he has moved on already? Dear xxxx, I’ve had some time to reflect. When I first told you that I loved you, my gut was telling me I was losing you and I was worried that your heart was no longer mine; you were right to be skeptical of my feelings for you, and I was wrong to tell you how I felt under those circumstances. I regret not telling you how I felt sooner and will have to live with the consequences. But you must know that my love for you is most genuine – know that I love you, not because I lost you, but because my heart is with you, whether you realize it or not. I say all this not expecting to have a second opportunity with your heart; I’ve come to terms that this will probably not happen. Instead, I want you to understand how much I valued knowing you; for a period of time, you were my best friend. I want you to know that my experiences with you taught me a great deal about myself: I have a much better sense of what I value in life; recognize areas where I can improve as a person; and have come to realize that I am closer than I ever thought to wanting to settle and have a family of my own. Thank you. I will love again someday and now feel able to support you in all facets of your life. If you are able to do the same, then we should reestablish contact gradually. If you don’t want this, I will completely understand. Whether we will write additional chapters or our story has come to past: I am a fan of yours; I am rooting for you; and I wish you the absolute best. Take care.
flitzanu Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 i don't think he'd be telling you how much he loves you in an email if he's already moved on.
Hatu Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 i don't think he'd be telling you how much he loves you in an email if he's already moved on. Bingo. He's using a common strategy for "getting your ex-gf back". He still wants you bad and clearly isn't over things. It's no secret as per that email.
Author carebear87 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 If he is trying to "get me back." How do I proceed if I don't want him back, and want him only as a friend? I mean, the email seems clear to me that he is alright with friendship, right? It seems sincere. Does the fact that we were never "official" change anything? While I felt that we were "kind of" in a relationship, we never were.
Author carebear87 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Bingo. He's using a common strategy for "getting your ex-gf back". He still wants you bad and clearly isn't over things. It's no secret as per that email. It makes me feel bad or unspecial if this is a common strategy to get a girl back...
flitzanu Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 If he is trying to "get me back." How do I proceed if I don't want him back, and want him only as a friend? I mean, the email seems clear to me that he is alright with friendship, right? It seems sincere. Does the fact that we were never "official" change anything? While I felt that we were "kind of" in a relationship, we never were. well, you're the girl...you tell me? he obviously wants you, do you really think he is going to be totally fine with being friends? no. guys want to "be friends" because we think it gives us a chance back in with you.
Dblock10 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) ok i have to say that is a nice letter to you. so do you not want him back, you just want to be friends? friends is hard until both of you are 100% over it Edited September 7, 2011 by Dblock10
Hatu Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 If he is trying to "get me back." How do I proceed if I don't want him back, and want him only as a friend? I mean, the email seems clear to me that he is alright with friendship, right? It seems sincere. Does the fact that we were never "official" change anything? While I felt that we were "kind of" in a relationship, we never were. There's about a 99% chance he can't be "just friends" without wanting more or without being hurt because he secretly wants things to go back to a relationship or whatever you guys had going on. The VERY BEST thing you can do is be honest. Communicate! Every healthy relationship has good communication. If I was you, I'd say something like: "I just want to keep it clear that I am not having a relationship with you other than as my friend. I don't want to give you any wrong ideas or lead you on."
Milsch Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) Is there no way you'd get back with him at this stage? Did you literally just 'click' one day and go from loving him to thinking that you didn't want him? And do you still miss him / find him attractive... but just no longer want to be with him? (Sorry for all the questions...) Edited September 8, 2011 by Milsch
Crazy4what Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Give him a chance, he wont even make that effort if hes not interested of changing. Who cares about "get your ex back" theres a reason to that. Chance are meant to be given. Goodluck!
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