Kuite09 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Once again I need loveshacks advice or opinion. You can read thru my previous threads. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289471/ My ex and I of 7yrs broke up in March of this year, in May he stated he was seeing someone so I went into LC/NC to the point we only spoke once a month to say hi by text or something. He called 2 weeks ago and told me he misses me so much and that he would really like to see me soon. We have yet to set a date to meet up but I was here thinking maybe it didn't work with the girl he is seeing because he's been contacting me more and texting here and there. Well this weekend I found out that yes he does have someone new and its been a couple of months. We spoke Friday because I need to get some $$ from him that he owes me I didn't mention anything about the girl he's like well we can meet up so I can give it to you I was like its not necessary just mail me a check. He's like why don't you want to see me now I was like there's just no point. He started with the I miss you and do you believe people can fall in love all over again etc. I was getting so upset because I knew for sure there was someone and he is still talking to me about his feelings towards me. Its so confusing why tell me I love you and miss you and still have hope and wonder if one day things will be different for us. Well after hours of phone/text convo I told him that I now I know its for sure and he said but I told you I was seeing someone in May and I said Yes, I know but I thought maybe it didn't work out since you wanted to see me and stuff like that and you continue to tell me you love me etc. Since we've had limited contact since May no him or I mentioned if he was still with someone or not. He stated but I am just telling you how I feel, I do love you and care for you. You were everything I wanted, yes I am seeing someone but not sure what's going to happen because I am already question a few things about her etc. He started to cry when I told him that I can't speak to him again and wish him the best with everything (yes, he's a emotional person). He told me so not even if one day I realize your everything I want (because I know you were) I can't contact you to try to make it work anymore? I told him as for now I can't continue to talk to you and be your friend sorry. So I am asking Love Shack why he is still telling me I love you, miss you and want to see you when he has a new GF? this man is 36 is not a child. I want to believe he still cared but why you tell me this when you are with another woman? I am so hurt its been 6 months since we broke up and now I feel like I am going thru the break up all over again. Please help!
olivec Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I would cut him loose as hes clearly playing both sides. Hes already hurt you before do you really wanna go through that again. Hes giving you false hope and your buyin it. You should continue to do things for yourself and move forward.
Author Kuite09 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 I guess I am in a shock because I never expected this from him. We broke up due to some issues on my end with my ways and the fact he didn't trust me 100%. I never expected him to find a new girlfriend so quick after a 7 yr relationship and claiming he loved me so much and still till this day claiming that he loves me soooo much. I feel like im going thru the break up all over again, it hurts me so much.
ludovico Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 sounds like a familiar situation to me... i read your other thread and the posters there seem to have hit the nail on the head... he's telling you he still loves you because: 1 - he feels guilty for dumping you 2 - he wants to keep you as an option either way, he's doing it for his own selfish reasons... if he really loved you he would respect your request for NC... he wants to have his cake and eat it too - don't let him... take back your power!
Author Kuite09 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 sounds like a familiar situation to me... i read your other thread and the posters there seem to have hit the nail on the head... he's telling you he still loves you because: 1 - he feels guilty for dumping you 2 - he wants to keep you as an option either way, he's doing it for his own selfish reasons... if he really loved you he would respect your request for NC... he wants to have his cake and eat it too - don't let him... take back your power! I know I need to take my power back. He said he did respect it but of course I broke NC a couple of times and he always responds to me no matter what. I know I need to let go but if this man ever comes back into my life would I be able to forgive him? its so hard to think of him being with someone else.
ludovico Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 He said he did respect it but of course I broke NC a couple of times and he always responds to me no matter what. I know I need to let go but if this man ever comes back into my life would I be able to forgive him? its so hard to think of him being with someone else. i know where you are coming from because i was there... you have to knock him off the pedestal you've put him up on... staying in contact with him won't help you heal... all it will do is prolong the healing process, and you might even get more hurt if he ends up dumping the girl he's with now to date someone else - and it's still not you... my ex did the same thing - she didnt tell me she was in a new relationship within days of dumping me and was texting me "i miss you" etc etc - giving me a false sense of hope... they do this to keep you around "just in case", make themselves feel less guilty that they hurt you, and fill the void that your absence has left in their lives - they don't want to deal with you being gone because you were so familiar and comfortable for them - they don't want you but they also don't want you to leave them... then they would have to adapt and actually deal with the pain... even if he did come back into your life, would you want him back? chances are that even if you tried to make it work with him you will have this nagging feeling that you can't fully trust him anymore - so what does that tell you?
Author Kuite09 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 i know where you are coming from because i was there... you have to knock him off the pedestal you've put him up on... staying in contact with him won't help you heal... all it will do is prolong the healing process, and you might even get more hurt if he ends up dumping the girl he's with now to date someone else - and it's still not you... my ex did the same thing - she didnt tell me she was in a new relationship within days of dumping me and was texting me "i miss you" etc etc - giving me a false sense of hope... they do this to keep you around "just in case", make themselves feel less guilty that they hurt you, and fill the void that your absence has left in their lives - they don't want to deal with you being gone because you were so familiar and comfortable for them - they don't want you but they also don't want you to leave them... then they would have to adapt and actually deal with the pain... even if he did come back into your life, would you want him back? chances are that even if you tried to make it work with him you will have this nagging feeling that you can't fully trust him anymore - so what does that tell you? I keep asking myself that question...if I would even get back with him after all of this? I know I'll have my trust issues but don't people break up date others and years later get back together?
ludovico Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I keep asking myself that question...if I would even get back with him after all of this? I know I'll have my trust issues but don't people break up date others and years later get back together?people do reconcile years later, but it doesn't always work out - but sometimes it does... my ex dumped me about 3 years into our relationship... she came back after 6 months asking me to take her back, and i did... i wanted to forgive and forget and just move on and be with the woman that i loved so much... but i never could shake that feeling that she would one day do it to me again, and 2 years later, she did... i think the only way you could take him back is if you saw significant change in the person he is - and sorry to break it to you, but people rarely change... it's like that quote from Batman Begins "It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you." actions speak louder than words... it's nice to HOPE that one day things can work out but at the same time you can't live your life that way - it's not healthy... say you decide to date someone - are you going to keep hoping your ex will come back to you? that not fair to your new boyfriend, and not fair to yourself either... maybe down the line, years from now there can be a reconciliation but don't live you life with the hope that it will happen... focus on you and you only - remember, he chose to focus only on himself... do you really want to be with someone that is that selfish? they say that the best revenge is to live your life being happy and successful... and that, funnily enough, will actually re-attract your ex... but by that time, you will probably have changed so much, and be so much stronger that you will see him for the type of person he truly is, and you won't want to have anything to do with him
Author Kuite09 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 people do reconcile years later, but it doesn't always work out - but sometimes it does... my ex dumped me about 3 years into our relationship... she came back after 6 months asking me to take her back, and i did... i wanted to forgive and forget and just move on and be with the woman that i loved so much... but i never could shake that feeling that she would one day do it to me again, and 2 years later, she did... i think the only way you could take him back is if you saw significant change in the person he is - and sorry to break it to you, but people rarely change... it's like that quote from Batman Begins "It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you." actions speak louder than words... it's nice to HOPE that one day things can work out but at the same time you can't live your life that way - it's not healthy... say you decide to date someone - are you going to keep hoping your ex will come back to you? that not fair to your new boyfriend, and not fair to yourself either... maybe down the line, years from now there can be a reconciliation but don't live you life with the hope that it will happen... focus on you and you only - remember, he chose to focus only on himself... do you really want to be with someone that is that selfish? they say that the best revenge is to live your life being happy and successful... and that, funnily enough, will actually re-attract your ex... but by that time, you will probably have changed so much, and be so much stronger that you will see him for the type of person he truly is, and you won't want to have anything to do with him Yea I know I need to focus on me and work on me and better myself. I honestly don't think hes selfish but maybe just confused....who knows I might be making excuses for him. I just never thought that I would be replaceable after so many years. Thats why I am in shock I guess.
FeelingEmptyNow Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 You have all the power now. He may have the girl but may not like her, or things may not be working out. The big question is do you really want to work back into a relationship with him? I guess it depends on the nature of the breakup. For ex. if infidelity was involved that's a definite no. But after a 7 year relationship breakup, 2 months later he was seeing somebody else? That's a red flag to me.
Author Kuite09 Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 You have all the power now. He may have the girl but may not like her, or things may not be working out. The big question is do you really want to work back into a relationship with him? I guess it depends on the nature of the breakup. For ex. if infidelity was involved that's a definite no. But after a 7 year relationship breakup, 2 months later he was seeing somebody else? That's a red flag to me. He never cheated on me, I was the phone that was caught texting some other guy back in August of last year and since then we held on and kept trying to make it work. He stuck around from August until March of this year till he couldn't do it anymore. He continued to tell me over the weekend by phone that all he ever wished for is that I changed my ways and maybe one day if I had my ways changed we can try again because we weren't perfect but we had something special together. He repeately told me that this is not what he wanted, he wanted us to work and has regrets each day about the decision he made but for now he needs to continue with his life but yet he says you never know what happens in the future. He said meeting this girl and being with her was very unexpected and its not something he planned. As for now its real hard to believe anything he tells me cuz of the pain i am currently feelings. I know 7 yrs is a long time and yes its our second break up but it still hurts.
Author Kuite09 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 I feel so lost....I don't even know if to believe his words. My ex has always been an emotional person and hes always honest with his feelings but now Im so confused. Honestly why even tell me to begin with that you are seeing someone? don't you think that would screw up any chance of me getting back with you if you tried to reconcile with me?
Author Kuite09 Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 I just needed to bump this thread because I need some advice, help etc. We spoke for the last time last Friday, he called me at work to tell me... Listen I care for you and you were the woman I wanted to marry and spend my life with but things changed and went down hill, that doesnt mean I don't love you because I do and I know it may be hard for you to believe because of my current situation (seeing someone) but if I truly didn't feel like I cared and love you I wouldnt even be explaining myself to you right now. Please just believe me when I tell you that I truly do, we have 7 yrs of history and I don't want to shut the door completely because you never know what happens in the future. Maybe one day we can rekindle those feelings and that would be the day we sit down and talk about everything thats happened in each other lives the past months etc. I went into a calling/texting rampage that whole week but Friday was the last day I spoke to him and it still left me as if I should truly believe that he loves me but just can't be with me currently. I feel so confused! UGH
Movingthrough Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Take it from a guy that litteraly went through this days ago, your best bet is to do nothing. Its hard and i did not listen, but when they call if you jump, they will jump away again. I am a firm believer now that unless they come knocking at your door (in other words super determined) then dont pay it any mind. You could lay it out and basically say your not playin second best, which is what i did, it made me feel great and i can say at that point i was very stable, but the ugly side is small feelings can come back and if they do it will somewhat start over again. The key to all of this "my ex is texting me again" stuff is self security, if you can HONESTLY say you are so strong and good to go that if he/she did not respond or played games again you could say "screw it", then do whatever you want, if not then do not make contact.
Author Kuite09 Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 Take it from a guy that litteraly went through this days ago, your best bet is to do nothing. Its hard and i did not listen, but when they call if you jump, they will jump away again. I am a firm believer now that unless they come knocking at your door (in other words super determined) then dont pay it any mind. You could lay it out and basically say your not playin second best, which is what i did, it made me feel great and i can say at that point i was very stable, but the ugly side is small feelings can come back and if they do it will somewhat start over again. The key to all of this "my ex is texting me again" stuff is self security, if you can HONESTLY say you are so strong and good to go that if he/she did not respond or played games again you could say "screw it", then do whatever you want, if not then do not make contact. I am a firm believer that Actions do speak louder than words so I understand exactly what your saying. I just didn't think that after 7 yrs of history he can easily be with someone else when he sits there and tells me its not serious and yes I still do have feelings for you etc. Then why not leave her and be with me? Then that goes back to the reasons why he can't be with me.
Lis007 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I jumped into a rebound relationship after my marriage fell apart and we separated. It wasnt intentional an old friend started wooing me only a week after we separated. Looking back it helped ease the pain of the split, of course the attention was amazing, I wanted to be in love and loved. I didnt think I would jump into a relationship straight away either - but I did. Sometime later I knew it was all wrong and I still loved my ex husband dearly. So I think it is possible for someone to still love you even though they made a mistake after a separation...
mike588 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 I jumped into a rebound relationship after my marriage fell apart and we separated. It wasnt intentional an old friend started wooing me only a week after we separated. Looking back it helped ease the pain of the split, of course the attention was amazing, I wanted to be in love and loved. I didnt think I would jump into a relationship straight away either - but I did. Sometime later I knew it was all wrong and I still loved my ex husband dearly. So I think it is possible for someone to still love you even though they made a mistake after a separation... I jumped into a relationship with a woman who just broke up with a guy about a month before we started dating. Things were great, I fell in love and we had many, many good times together and it lasted 10 months. I knew she still had feelings for the other guy but thought she would work thru it and was in love and happy with me. She told me she loved me. Anyway 7 weeks ago she dumps me to go back to him. I was her rebound guy, like you said I guess she loved the attention and took away her pain from the previous breakup. 3rd time back to him now. Obviously she loved him more than me. Can't help but wonder if it will work out between them?
Author Kuite09 Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Maybe it is a rebound maybe its not but what really confuses me is the day I found out for sure he was seeing someone before I mentioned to him that I knew for sure he asked if I believed people can fall in love again? why would he ask me that if he is with someone? Then later on when I told him I knew for sure he told me that he was already questioning things about her etc. Why tell me this? Yes, he did tell me straight out he was seeing someone back in May but since he was in contact with me the past month I was here thinking it maybe because things didnt work out with them or something but he is still dating her, so what the heck am I suppose to think???
Author Kuite09 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 As you guys read my previous threads etc, my ex and I were together for 7 yrs and we've been broken up for like 6 months and hes currently dating someone else. I am getting so upset at myself because I still find myself thinking and having hope that he may come back. Last convo we had was 3 weeks ago, he told me he loves me, cares for me, you never know what happens in the future, and he even dared to ask if I believe people can fall in love again? why even ask me this if your with someone else and havnt made no attempts to even get back with me. Why did he tell me everything he told me about caring etc? Can this be the end for good? Is the new girl just a rebound? I am so stuck and confused and extremely fustrated with everything.
wilsonx Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 (edited) You really need to lock down NC and walk away from this. This is a string along. He is giving you false hope. you never know what happens in the future This line right here is one of the most mind bending manipulating string along attempts just in case his relationship now does end. It gives someone that "hope" that something may happen in the future. 7 Years is a long time but it is really time to walk away and start doing better for yourself. It honestly does not matter what his new relationship is, its time for you to move on. Edited September 26, 2011 by wilsonx
Author Kuite09 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 You really need to lock down NC and walk away from this. This is a string along. He is giving you hope. This line right here is one of the most mind bending manipulating string along attempts just in case his relationship now does end. It gives someone that "hope" that something may happen in the future. 7 Years is a long time but it is really time to walk away and start doing better for yourself. It honestly does not matter what his new relationship is, its time for you to move on. Thanks Wilsonx. I am trying to move on but I guess I just still believe he loves and cares for me. But then again if he truly did he will be with me right now!~ My ex is a great guy, hes not a player or a dirt bag so I don't even know if to believe his words or not. Its just tough but I know I have to work on me and focus on moving on.
Isaiah Jackson Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I would loose him, if he already hurt you once I'm sure you wouldn't want to go through that again. Also if he has a GF clearly he wouldn't mind hurting her if he tells you he still loves you... That is not the type of guy you would want to be with. Think about it imagine how his current GF would feel if she heard him say that to you.
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