ruffianheart Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I have been in NC for over a month. A month ago he ended a 16 year relationship with me. Phone calls have often been an issue in this relationship. I have often had trouble being the one to initiate phone calls for two reasons. One, I often felt like he was not happy to hear from me when I called, which made me feel rejected, or he was too busy to talk. (Of course, there were many times he was happy to hear from me). The other reason is, I just don't like talking on the phone! I always put my phone on silent during the day while I am at work teaching and there were many times I forgot about in my purse in the evening and I would miss several calls of his. It got to the point earlier this year where I felt like I had to take my cell phone everywhere I went throughout the house and outside the house. I would come back in after gardening, or walking my dog, and there would be several missed phone calls from him. When I called back, he would be upset, thinking I was avoiding his phone calls. So by taking the phone with me, I wouldn't miss his calls and would avoid his anger, but I was upset that the phone had become such an issue. How I have been handling NC is I simply turn my phone off every night. I am hurt and I don't want to talk to him, period. But also, I am turning off the phone because I don't want to know that he didn't try to call me at all (and he has never left a voice mail message, so he probably hasn't tried). Does that make sense? My question is, for someone like him who has always been so sensitive about me not calling him, what are your thoughts on how he might be reacting to me not calling him after the breakup? Is he thinking, "I knew she didn't care about me, she has never called." Thank you in advance for your insight.
ChelleBelle Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Hi, I find that I do the same thing and switch off the mobile, so I do not know if he called. Somehow it helps me with the separation. It is like if I don't know, I don't have to fret and hurt so much. I think your guy would probably be thinking as you suggested that u don't care about him. I guess you could try reversing the behaviour and be chirpy and upbeat when he calls and be attentive and caring towards him. At least that may take some of the sting out of the situation even if you don't get back together. Always try to be better than the moment. It is a hard thing to do but can be helpful.
M2155 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Someone is going to say this: if he wants to talk to you he will call. Someone will also say: if you are trying to get over him and going no contact, stay no contact. I wondered about this myself because I was usually the initiator and when I stopped my ex even once told me that I don't call enough (I now think he was looking for some validation of my feelings but that's a whole other issue and definitely more than phone calls). But I still know he very well would contact me if he wanted to, regardless if I called. I am sure your 16 year relationship did not end because of phone calls and surely you had your way of reaching out to him aside from calling. He should notice if you are no longer doing those things. I don't think you want to go "proving" yourself by doing things that you wouldn't do normally. If it was really all about phone calls, I am sure he would come back to you and say "I love you and want to get back together, I just need you to call me more often." We all have our different ways of needing to be shown love.
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