tigressA Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I have been estranged from my dad's side of the family for over a year now, and in particular my one crazy great-aunt, who seemed to never have anything good to say about or to me over the last few years. She never failed to twist my words and stories and make me seem like a low-class know-nothing girl, and even called me a whore in front of 3 other family members last year, including a cousin who I had just met for the first time a few minutes prior. That incident was what prompted me to cut off all contact. She's also a bit of a racist, one of those 'stick with your kind' purists, which always annoyed and upset me as I am mixed-race myself. I'm estranged from the rest of the family because I know that if I ever communicated with any of them they would eventually relay the information back to my aunt, and I don't feel she deserves to know anything about me after what she's done. My dad and brother are the only ones who understand and while they still talk to my aunt, they don't tell her anything about where I am or what I'm doing, as I advised them to last year. She's tried tracking me down on FB--she's friends with my dad and brother and found me through them. She friended me and when I rejected it, she poked me. Months before that she had even sent a message to me through her own goddaughter's profile, though that was only to criticize my profile picture, deeming it 'unladylike'. I blocked her and her goddaughter completely. A couple weeks ago my dad and I were on FB chat and he said she had called and asked about me, said I could call her. I said I don't have her number and don't wish to talk with her. I asked, to make sure, if he said anything about me and he said, "Only that you're happy and doing well." Thing is, she's old and surely feeling death creeping up on her. Not saying she's sick; I don't know of her health, but she's pushing 80, is overweight, and all but one of her siblings (my great-aunts and uncles, a group of 12 total) have passed away, one earlier this summer at 81. I guess I've started to feel a little bad for her because of all the loss she's faced over the years, including this most recent one. If I were to be on speaking terms with her again I certainly would not tolerate anything like what she has said to me before. I feel bad because she's old (she's not lonely though--there's plenty of other family around), and in a sense I feel like I've made my point after more than a year of not speaking to her. However, it's likely also her age that is largely responsible for how she acts toward me, so I doubt our dynamic will change much. I'm wondering if it would even be worth it.
Dan Bray Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I personally don't think it is worth it. The way she has treat you is appalling. You said she's not lonely so she doesn't need and doesn't even deserve your company.
turnera Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Send her a letter and tell her how you have felt all the times she has done the things she did. Explain to her that you wouldn't mind getting to know her better, but only if she made an effort to see you as a real person worthy of respect. Then just leave it in her court.
Avery Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I wouldn't continue to ignore her, but neither would I go out of my way to spend time with her. When you see her at family gatherings/events, etc. Just be cordial. When she says something that is offensive, simply smile and say "I'm sorry you feel that way". And walk away to mingle with other family. Take what she says with a grain of salt.. as the old saying goes "Consider the source". And let it go.
2sure Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 She has had plenty of time to reflect on her behavior and thoughts regarding you. Plenty of opportunity to either apoligize or at least offer kind words...and has not. Dont waste another second of your time on her. Wish her well in your heart and let it go.
Author tigressA Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 2sure, you are so right. I thought about it today and realized she doesn't think she even did anything wrong. The way she told my dad, "She has my number, she can give me a call if she wants"--like I'M the one with the problem and should be the one to reach out. I'm done with her. She could've apologized through my dad or even my brother and she didn't. She could've apologized through FB before I blocked her and she didn't--the only message I got from her was an unwarranted criticism on my profile picture. I haven't communicated with or seen any of the extended fam since the 'whore' incident and as I said in my OP, I don't plan to as I know for a fact that they would relay that they saw me/talked to me to my aunt and I don't want her to know anything about me anymore. She's a matriarch of sorts and she eventually finds out everything through the 'network' of my family, besides my dad and brother who are much more loyal to me instead of her because they have also borne the brunt of her unpleasantness.
2sure Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 The only thing you need to work on, and its a big one - is forgiving her (which Im sure you will) and not feeling guilty about not talking to her. Guilt is useless.
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