crazyinthehead Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Hi My girlfriend of 3 months just dumped me yesterday because she hates herself and doesnt respect herself for us being a couple. This is because we began while she was with someone else, at the end of 2 year relationship and we technically cheated - kissed a little, touching, spent a lot of time together etc. We also started up a few weeks after they broke up. It sounds bad but this happened over a number of months she realised after meeting me that she wanted to be with me and that she no longer had feelings for him anymore. So obviously we took it relatively slow... it has been great.The past few weeks we haven't been able to spend a day apart and have become very very close. However, yesterday she ended it. Not because she doesnt want to be with me, not because she has feelings for her ex, simply because she hates herself for being a cheater, and she said she cant look herself in the mirror and like the person she is. A girl that went from one guy to another. Please do not say I am a rebound, or shes getting back with her ex, because that is not the case... read on... She said she wants to be with me and that she needs for us to stop for a while and start again fresh with her feeling good about herself. She said she is not going to be with anyone else. That she wants me in her life and that she wants me to wait for her so we can be together. So we can start on a good note. But, she is also asking me not to waitbecause she doesnt know how long she will take and she does not want the pressure. I have to see her on a regular basis due to unversity. Today, she changed it from a break-up to a break. She said its not a question of if but when.... She said that she cannot go without me in her life and cannot be around me without us hugging kissing etc... even when there is other people around she has to be touching me or something. Yet, she doesn't want me to not be around her all the time. So what do I do? she has no idea what she wants me to do with the situation or what she needs me to do? I can't walk away from a girl that is in love with me. It's strange that I actaully respect her for doing this because it shows she is not the kind of girl to go from one guy to the next. However, it's eating me up inside...
Codename1802 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 (edited) I think in this situation you just have to be patient, especially if you really love her and she loves you too. It may seem a bit unfair for you but I agree that her decision does make me respect her more. Good luck! Edited September 6, 2011 by Codename1802
wilsonx Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 (edited) Hi My girlfriend of 3 months just dumped me yesterday because she hates herself and doesnt respect herself for us being a couple. This is because we began while she was with someone else, at the end of 2 year relationship and we technically cheated - kissed a little, touching, spent a lot of time together etc. We also started up a few weeks after they broke up. It sounds bad but this happened over a number of months she realised after meeting me that she wanted to be with me and that she no longer had feelings for him anymore. So obviously we took it relatively slow... it has been great.The past few weeks we haven't been able to spend a day apart and have become very very close. However, yesterday she ended it. Not because she doesnt want to be with me, not because she has feelings for her ex, simply because she hates herself for being a cheater, and she said she cant look herself in the mirror and like the person she is. A girl that went from one guy to another. Please do not say I am a rebound, or shes getting back with her ex, because that is not the case... read on... She said she wants to be with me and that she needs for us to stop for a while and start again fresh with her feeling good about herself. She said she is not going to be with anyone else. That she wants me in her life and that she wants me to wait for her so we can be together. So we can start on a good note. But, she is also asking me not to waitbecause she doesnt know how long she will take and she does not want the pressure. I have to see her on a regular basis due to unversity. Today, she changed it from a break-up to a break. She said its not a question of if but when.... She said that she cannot go io me in her life and cannot be around me without us hugging kissing etc... even when there is other people around she has to be touching me or something. Yet, she doesn't want me to not be around her all the time. So what do I do? she has no idea what she wants me to do with the situation or what she needs me to do? I can't walk away from a girl that is in love with me. It's strange that I actaully respect her for doing this because it shows she is not the kind of girl to go from one guy to the next. However, it's eating me up inside... Thanks for the laugh . You are delusional, you are a constant reminder of her cheating and realizing she made a mistake, she doesnt love you. You were just a fling / rebound. Did your parents teach you when you were a kid not to play with fire. What happens when you do, you get burned. You just got burned next time don't play with fire Edited September 6, 2011 by wilsonx
Eddie Edirol Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Looks like the only answer you want to hear is to wait for her or you wont listen to anything else. But it sounds to me like she is lying to you. Her breakup reason sounds a lil suspicious. She lost attraction to you for some reason but doesnt want to tell you why. I dont believe she feels guilty for anything other than not telling you the real reason. There is NO reason whatsoever for her to want to be without you if she thought she made the right decision to be with you and dump her ex. I think theres another guy that she plans to sneak around with, but wants to keep you on the backburner until it works out with the new guy. She also wants you to keep hugging her and hanging around when SHE wants you to so she doesnt have to deal with the guilt of you telling her that you miss her - the pressure. She doesnt want to feel responsible for you being depressed, and watching you be depressed. Heres whats going to happen. In another month, you will see her getting more distant from you, and see her walking around arm in arm with some other guy around campus. She met him and in her mind, he blew you away. What I advise is for you to: 1.) avoid her at all costs, because she isnt attracted to you anymore and it you should at least avoid giving her what she doesnt deserve, which is your company, or ease of guilt. 2.) Dont let her call you, dont call her, dont hang around with her, and 3.) then make some new friends. If you keep hanging around her, she is going to start getting distant and you will be doing number 2 and 3 in a month or so anyway. She doesnt hate herself, she is just avoiding telling you what you did that turned her off.
Author crazyinthehead Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) I do appreciate your replies (except for WilsonX) - who was just plain rude. To all future posters... if you are going to laugh at the OP, then dont reply. For the short term I am going to have to sit in the middle of the far left and the far right. When I have this girl making an effort to tell me how much she wants to be with me. I can't help but wait, if only for a while. I have had a couple of big talks with her and stressed my concerns are that she is just trying to let me down gently, that I am just someone to get over her ex (a rebound), that she still has feelings for her ex, that her feelings for me are not genuine. That I am a fling. She has replied to all my concerns with something along the lines of... if that were true I wouldn't be talking to you, you are worrying about things that aren't true, and if you think that were true then you might as well just leave now. To Eddie Why trust anyone if you believe they are all liars and dishonest? She was geniunley balling her eyes out for hours in front of me. However, I am not saying you are wrong. I just have to believe you are. You may be right, she may slowly distance herself over time. If so, I am the kind of person who will never speak to her again. Either way, she doesn't deserve my attention right now. She may be doing the right thing by herself, but either way she has hurt me immensily in the process, and she cannot anything from me. I will be avoiding her to some extent. I will be friendly, but not a friend if that makes any sense. She keeps texting me all the time and wanting to see me. I reply as a busy person of no emotion even though I can barely eat or sleep. Edited September 7, 2011 by crazyinthehead
Eddie Edirol Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 To Eddie Why trust anyone if you believe they are all liars and dishonest? She was geniunley balling her eyes out for hours in front of me. However, I am not saying you are wrong. I just have to believe you are. You may be right, she may slowly distance herself over time. If so, I am the kind of person who will never speak to her again. Youre doing the right thing by not giving her any attention. it makes her work for you. Why trust anyone? You dont trust them only during a breakup. The first clue is here dumpers wont make a clean breakup. They say "lets take a break". That means Im breaking up with you slowly. Theres ton of other examples, but people really suck. People change during a breakup, they lie and fib their way out of the true explanations as to why they are dumping you. Ive been through it, and Ive seen it too many times on this board. People always come back after a breakup realizing that they people they trusted so much during a breakup lied to save themselves from guilt, or confrontation, or whatever. If you read around the coping forum, theres plenty of threads there where people realize their dumpers lied to them about everything to get away form them.
shayla Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 "Why trust anyone if you believe they are all liars and dishonest? She was geniunley balling her eyes out for hours in front of me." My ex would look me in the eyes while holding my face. He would cry and wail and beg me not to leave him. He would swear there was no one else, all while blowing snot and tears lapping under his chin. Then 2 weeks later he put an engagement ring on another woman's finger. Don't tell me that someone can't lie and lie well if they want to. After all, that is what actors do, isn't it?
wilsonx Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) I'm rude? Have you looked into your character? people like You are 50% of the reason that 90% of the people are here. You had an emotional and physical and emotional affair with somebody in a relationship. She took responsibility for her 50% but you haven't. What ever you had with her is over. Get that through your thick head. Think about it, if she did this while in a relationship with her ex, do you think she won't do it to you 2 years from now. You dodged q bullet and don't even know it yet. Now you made a mistake, learn from it. Don't put yourself in that situation again and be the person of high morals and character. Welcome to the big boy leagues. If she told you she loves you, its like the term I love you but not in love with you. It's a saying a codependent person says because they don't want to let go Edited September 7, 2011 by wilsonx
flitzanu Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I'm rude? Have you looked into your character? people like You are 50% of the reason that 90% of the people are here. You had an emotional and physical and emotional affair with somebody in a relationship. She took responsibility for her 50% but you haven't. What ever you had with her is over. Get that through your thick head. Think about it, if she did this while in a relationship with her ex, do you think she won't do it to you 2 years from now. You dodged q bullet and don't even know it yet. Now you made a mistake, learn from it. Don't put yourself in that situation again and be the person of high morals and character. Welcome to the big boy leagues. If she told you she loves you, its like the term I love you but not in love with you. It's a saying a codependent person says because they don't want to let go +1 now i don't have to type the exact same thing. (well, nearly exact!) while some girls will behave just fine after leaving/cheating to be with you, you must recognize that yes, they could easily do it to you. none of us are special, none of us are unique, our situations aren't different.
Recommended Posts