singlelife Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I hope women don't take this personal or get on the what about men skit. But oh well. Have ya'll noticed that women really don't know how to date these days. They get divorced and haven't a clue on how to interact with a man. They act like the man should act like their ex husband acted or should automatically be ready to take care of her. This is 2011. Women are supposed to be independent.
Lolipops Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I'm not divorced, but I am out of a five year relationship. I waited six months to start dating, so I would be mentally & emotionally prepared. From my perspective, it is so weird. I am having to learn how to date all over again, and things have changed a lot. For instance, text messaging - a lot of men now prefer to text, a lot. I didn't do that in my LTrelationship when we were first dating, so I'm learning when and how to respond. I also hate playing games and am probably honest to a fault, stubborn, and independent. I don't expect men to act like my Ex, or to automatically treat me like a girlfriend, but I do have to gage my reactions and thoughts. I also ask what feels like stupid questions on here, just because I feel so out of my element. It does gets easier with each date I go on.
simpsonic Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Well naturally if someone is divorced after being married for a really long time (say, 20 years), the process of dating is going to be practically a foreign territory. So it doesn't necessarily mean they're not ready to date...they're just trying to figure out how to get in the game again.
2sure Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Ive been divorced a year, but for me its possibly different because its not my first and I am over 40. Dating is ..ok. Im just not that interested. Depending on the age of the women you date , you may be experiencing something like...they dont want to settle yet again, so this time they want up front to know you will be everything they want you to be. Its rediculous , impossible, etc. but not unusual behavior from a fairly recently divorced woman. I see my friends do it. And they are in no need of being "taken care of". On the other hand, newly divorced men are just as full of nonsense.
joeyanna Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I'm not divorced, but I am out of a five year relationship. I waited six months to start dating, so I would be mentally & emotionally prepared. From my perspective, it is so weird. I am having to learn how to date all over again, and things have changed a lot. For instance, text messaging - a lot of men now prefer to text, a lot. I didn't do that in my LTrelationship when we were first dating, so I'm learning when and how to respond. I also hate playing games and am probably honest to a fault, stubborn, and independent. I don't expect men to act like my Ex, or to automatically treat me like a girlfriend, but I do have to gage my reactions and thoughts. I also ask what feels like stupid questions on here, just because I feel so out of my element. It does gets easier with each date I go on. I totally get where you're coming from, I've been separated for 2 years (and waiting for my divorce to come through) and I find the whole dating thing a minefield - one minute they're interested, the next not, you have to try and second guess what guys are thinking and if they really mean what they say. I'm finding it all quite difficult to be honest but its all a learning curve.
Emilia Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I hope women don't take this personal or get on the what about men skit. But oh well. Have ya'll noticed that women really don't know how to date these days. They get divorced and haven't a clue on how to interact with a man. They act like the man should act like their ex husband acted or should automatically be ready to take care of her. This is 2011. Women are supposed to be independent. Don't date them then I was married in my 20s (9 years) and when we separated I had no idea where to start at first. I was 20 years old when I met him so it's not like I had much life experience outside this very serious relationship anyway. It took me a while to find my feet, I didn't go through the dating traps in my 20s like a lot of my contemporaries did. What's so hard to understand about that?
country_gurl Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Well if you're going to paint an entire gender with the same brush, be sure to be fair and consider that the same could be said for men who are divorced and back in the dating scene. If you're referring to PEOPLE who have been married for a long period of time, who end up divorced and back on the dating scene, well of course it may take them some time to learn about dating "these days" - that only makes sense. I've met plenty of men who were married for 20+ years who are divorced and now out dating who have rather antiquated views on male and female roles and they're expecting that women today are dependent on men and should be content to just be barefoot and pregnant and/or wanting to do nothing more than be a slave to a man; be his cook and housekeeper, have no life of her own, have no career, etc. It goes both ways my friend.
Author singlelife Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Ive been divorced a year, but for me its possibly different because its not my first and I am over 40. Dating is ..ok. Im just not that interested. Depending on the age of the women you date , you may be experiencing something like...they dont want to settle yet again, so this time they want up front to know you will be everything they want you to be. Its rediculous , impossible, etc. but not unusual behavior from a fairly recently divorced woman. I see my friends do it. And they are in no need of being "taken care of". On the other hand, newly divorced men are just as full of nonsense. Very interesting. DId it ever occur that you might want to be everything they need? It seems to be the downfall of women these days. You can't get into a relationship thinking just of what you can get and not what you can offer. Interesting how that happens. I know it's not done on purpose or to con the man out of stuff, but you are not making an effort. Not a real effort. I made this thread as an eye opener not to put down women. Glad to see honest answers too
2sure Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Yeah, I think that perspective is also correct, the flip side if you will. Might be important for a divorced man or woman to attempt to find out asap if a new potential partner will appreciate them fully and completely (in whatever way the ex did not) . Guess its called baggage til you decide to put it down.
grkBoy Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I hope women don't take this personal or get on the what about men skit. But oh well. Have ya'll noticed that women really don't know how to date these days. They get divorced and haven't a clue on how to interact with a man. They act like the man should act like their ex husband acted or should automatically be ready to take care of her. This is 2011. Women are supposed to be independent. Eh...I think it's more from being in a deep RL for a very long time and then now being "back on the market". Plus I think when one ends up divorced, many times they're still on the rebound and need to let the wounds heal. PLUS...I wouldn't completely come down on a woman who wants a man to take care of her. With men they have to pick and choose. They can pick her and set things where she's the happy homemaker in life, handling housework and children raising...or they pick Ms Career Woman and share it all 50/50. Seen some guys who seriously want Ms Career Woman who will share income responsibilities 50/50, but yet want her to also cook, clean, and raise the kids. Talk about unrealistic.
LittleTiger Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I dated in my 20s, settled down and married in my 30s, divorced in my early 40s after a 14 year relationship, and dated again after that until I met my fiance. Apart from the existence of the internet, I think dating is just the same as it was 20 to 25 years ago. People are people, men are men and women are women. Nothing much has changed at all to me ..... but perhaps that's because I was dating within my own age range and therefore within a similar 'pool' to when I dated before. The very young men (mid 20s) who contacted me online were a whole new ball game but it wasn't a game I was interested in playing. It's definitely very odd being 'out there' again after such a long time and there is, of course, a lot of water that's gone under the bridge since the '90s but, on the whole, I just enjoyed meeting new people. If there were any expectations or assumptions made on either side, I put it down to lack of compatibility and moved on - just as I did before I was married. If any man had acted like my exH, he would probably have been crossed off the list PDQ!
LittleTiger Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Women are supposed to be independent. Missed this line first time around! Erm????? Who says so? Women are supposed to be whatever they choose to be - just as men are!
Author singlelife Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Missed this line first time around! Erm????? Who says so? Women are supposed to be whatever they choose to be - just as men are! So does this mean they are choosing to not show desirable traits to keep a man?
2sure Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 So does this mean they are choosing to not show desirable traits to keep a man? Yes, at least sometimes and , it seems , quite frequently - with you.
FitChick Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 When you are older you don't meet people in the same places or ways you did when you were younger. Hence, the popularity of online dating.
OliveOyl Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 It was very odd being "out there again." When I put up an online dating profile, it was one of the scariest things I've done. Being older and coming out of a long-term relationship/marriage, you may want very different things than you wanted before. In addition things like kids and custody schedules really change things. So this complicates the dating process. My BF and I have eerily similar life circumstances now, but come from very different backgrounds (at least compared to my ex). Sometimes those differences pop up and make me wonder whether I rushed into things, as I didn't date a lot of guys before I met my BF through online dating. But I'm very happy with him - and that's all that matters.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Very interesting. DId it ever occur that you might want to be everything they need? It seems to be the downfall of women these days. You can't get into a relationship thinking just of what you can get and not what you can offer. Interesting how that happens. I know it's not done on purpose or to con the man out of stuff, but you are not making an effort. Not a real effort. I made this thread as an eye opener not to put down women. Glad to see honest answers too if a woman doesn't need a man's money (which is what more traditional men think they are bringing to the table)... then I see no need to meet that need for domestic support... at least not more than her share. ... and I don't see that the man is making any effort either if he can't learn to fend for himself domestically. If the woman is fending for herself financially, she has every right to expect that he fends for himself domestically. The problem is, alot of these men want to have their cake and eat it too... they want a woman who is independent (so he doesn't have to support her)... but they want her to do all the same stuff that the ex-wifey did around the house. That is called lazy in my book. What does a guy like that bring to table, exactly, if he can't be a partner?? ... and if neither want to do that stuff... then hire a maid and a cook. EASY!!
Author singlelife Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 When you are older you don't meet people in the same places or ways you did when you were younger. Hence, the popularity of online dating. How does theonline thing compared to the traditional ways?
You'reasian Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) I hope women don't take this personal or get on the what about men skit. But oh well. Have ya'll noticed that women really don't know how to date these days. They get divorced and haven't a clue on how to interact with a man. They act like the man should act like their ex husband acted or should automatically be ready to take care of her. This is 2011. Women are supposed to be independent. Dating is probably a challenge for anyone whose freshly divorced. If they were married for a long time and have only been in long-term relationships, they may try to shape dating expectations into those that lead to long-term. Not all dating is long-term, hence why women (or men) who try to shape all dating into long-term engagements may find themselves frustrated. Any male viewers need advice about dating? Well, I can't give you any but Cyndi Lauper once said "Girls just wanna have fun!" Edited September 7, 2011 by You'reasian
Author singlelife Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Dating is probably a challenge for anyone whose freshly divorced. If they were married for a long time and have only been in long-term relationships, they may try to shape dating expectations into those that lead to long-term. Not all dating is long-term, hence why women (or men) who try to shape all dating into long-term engagements may find themselves frustrated. Any male viewers need advice about dating? Well, I can't give you any but Cyndi Lauper once said "Girls just wanna have fun!" If you're meaning me, I am not looking for advice. I date regularly. I make threads based on what I see in the world for informational purposes. Hopefully others learn from my threads. ANd I do agree with you that long term is what people bring into short term situations. Since I date women, this is why I focus on how they act. Very interesting.
LittleTiger Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Dating is probably a challenge for anyone whose freshly divorced. If they were married for a long time and have only been in long-term relationships, they may try to shape dating expectations into those that lead to long-term. Not all dating is long-term, hence why women (or men) who try to shape all dating into long-term engagements may find themselves frustrated. Any male viewers need advice about dating? Well, I can't give you any but Cyndi Lauper once said "Girls just wanna have fun!" I think 'freshly divorced' people are often terrified of getting emotionally involved, or financially entangled, with someone new. So far from trying to shape dating into long-term relationships, they prefer to keep everyone at a distance - look at how often you hear divorcees declaring that they will never get married again! Interestingly though, it's men who seem to be the ones who are desperate to get into a LTR because they don't like to be alone. On several occasions, I said no to a LTR, only to find the guy was suddenly 'in love' with someone new two days later! Perhaps that's a vast generalisation but it is my personal experience.
GivenUp0083 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I think the problem is women commit either one of two errors: 1. They over-think and over-analyze dating. They try to find out the hidden meaning behind everything or they look for something wrong with a guy. 2. Which leads me to them having expectations. When you date, you're getting to know someone, and you should just take it one step at a time. See if you can have a good conversation. If that goes well, see if you have fun doing activities together, do you make each other laugh? Yes? Great, see how you feel when you kiss or make out, etc. Too many women I come across feel like they are supposed to have this love story or be head over heels with love at first sight because they see it in the movies. They're lied too, people say "you'll just know it" when you love someone, but the reality is that many people don't. You get to know someone and then you love them for who they are. By the time most women get divorced they are also not initially under the realization that the tables have turned, they do not hold the upperhand, their value has diminished in the eyes of men their age, and they can no longer attract men around their age because these men are now comfortable as a bachelor, they make good money, and many of them can land a woman much younger, more attractive, more energetic, and at a better age to have children. I always feel bad for women who CHOOSE to get divorced, they don't realize what they're doing to themselves.
LittleTiger Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 By the time most women get divorced they are also not initially under the realization that the tables have turned, they do not hold the upperhand, their value has diminished in the eyes of men their age, and they can no longer attract men around their age because these men are now comfortable as a bachelor, they make good money, and many of them can land a woman much younger, more attractive, more energetic, and at a better age to have children. I'm sorry GivenUp0083 but this is complete rubbish. A high quality woman always has the upper hand with men and her value never diminishes unless she allows it to. The vast majority of men are never comfortable as a bachelor - I'm 46 and I can safely say I have never yet met a man who wants to be alone - women are much better at being single. Of all the men in their 40s that I know, not one of them is interested in having a relationship with a younger woman. Sex - yes, a relationship - no! Women are like fine wines, they get much, much better as they mature - the trick is getting one of them to even consider dating you!
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