smudge21 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Been going through a rough time of late and done some soul searching and the rest and reckon I have an idea why I seem to either chose the wrong person or just simply screw things up with the right one. Hoping some skilled minds on here can offer some insight. Okay, so I can put the girls I meet into two categories (just for the purpose of this) - Girl A will be single and totally available. Girl B will have an ex floating around in some respect (red flags a-plenty). Other than that, both girls could be indentical in every way. Now as soon as I get friendly with Girl A and things start progressing I start thinking ahead, really far ahead and get a kind of anxiety of living with them and spending my life with them - even though we've barely dated. I start to think do I really want to be with this person the rest of my life and I start to keep a distance to a point, even though we still date. Opposite side of that, Girl B I dive straight in there and make every effort to get to know her and see her as often as possible (sometimes over doing it) and the thought of spending my life with her actually feels okay. My take on all this is simply some sort of commitment issues (probably coming from parents break up many years ago... I'm guessing) in that Girl A is going to be something serious easily enough and so I fear that, whereas Girl B I know deep down (due to the ex and red flags etc) won't really work out. Even though I can say it to Girl B about being with her and I feel happy doing it (something I would never say to Girl A) I guess I know subconciously that due to her problems it's not going to happen. So in both cases I'm having that commitment issue and pushing one away and accepting the other that I know won't happen anyway. Hope I've explained that clear enough. That seems to be the pattern lately, even between my previous ex and my most recent addiction - the first was definitely Girl A type and the most recent Girl B. Plus, when both types end, it's Girl B that I end up hurting more over. I know there's a fair bit wanting what you can't have in that situation too. Would appreciate some opinions on this. Oh and before anyone says it's a maturity thing, I'm in my mid-thirties and I've experienced this a fair few times.
TaraMaiden Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 oh great. Define "Girl C".... Don't worry about the kind of girl you go out with. Lay off dating for a while, and find yourself.
madjac74 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 oh great. Define "Girl C".... QUOTE] A girl you couldn't simplify to labeling Girl A or Girl B. If you can cheapen them that much then maybe they aren't the problem.
You'reasian Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I think you have oversimplified your categories. Girl A is not any more perfect than Girl B. Both have their strengths and weaknesses; Girl A may not have an ex floating around, but something about her could cause strife - personality conflicts/contrasting beliefs about important issues? Just a guess. Good luck. Yeah, I'd stay away from relationships for a little while and not get too deeply involved until you redefine yourself.
coolheadal Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Girl A are better and Girl B are the type that can go and come as they please. Why would you go out with these type of women who travel in pairs. Two men for one girl. Your the second guy. Bad choice buddy. Girl C would be more of a friend you can call when you need to talk to someone. Girl D would be the one you want to be with.
Author smudge21 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Clearly I didn't write the first post very well or make it clear enough, my apologies for that and sorry if I offended anyone. Not my intention. I didn't mean to suggest that women fall into just two categories. No one does, of course not. I was simply focusing on the relationship status of the women I meet - whether they're totally single or single but with an ex still around (just out of a relationship for example). To make it easier to write, I just put that as A or B. Once again, sorry if that upset anyone. Yes, I totally believe this is something I need to look at myself about hence why I was asking for opinions - why do I simply make more effort and want more a girl who has these red flags (the ex still around) as opposed to someone who is totally available and ready for a relationship. Obviously I wasn't expecting a complete anaylsis of my situation, but just some opinions. Oh and yeah, option C that would be interesting, but as this was only focused on the relationship status, surely there is no option C. If you're looking for new love, you're either totally single or just out of a relationship.
betterdeal Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 This eerily struck a chord with me. Maybe (and this is just a hunch) you're so used to the chase that you miss it when you finally "catch" one?
coolheadal Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 But what do you really want? Bar-fly Girl, Girl who can come and go as she pleases or do you want to really have a true date with someone you could love. Hold hands, take out to dinner, see a show or even had out to the beach at night take off your shoes and walk in the sand while the ocean and breeze feels your bodies with peace. This is what I would do is the last one. The other two won't be much use to you. But some men like that type. Also called one night stands. These women who let guys do this too them are dumb. I use to hang out with guys every 6 days out of 7. That's all they did with the above. The women would as me is so and so going to be around here tomorrow. I told them you need to find someone who wants to be with you always and not wait on these guys. I am not like them. I am just long for the ride well I was the ride. Still good to learn what's really going on back then is no different than today!
Author smudge21 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 This eerily struck a chord with me. Maybe (and this is just a hunch) you're so used to the chase that you miss it when you finally "catch" one? Thanks for that - yeah I have thought that, the thrill of the chase combined with the fact we all occasionally want what we think we can't have. A challenge or contest if you will. If something is out of reach, does that make it more appealing?
betterdeal Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 (edited) Thanks for that - yeah I have thought that, the thrill of the chase combined with the fact we all occasionally want what we think we can't have. A challenge or contest if you will. If something is out of reach, does that make it more appealing? Well, there is the adrenalin rush, which can be very moreish. I also think it's just like a hobby... It's something we do, part of our routine. It's just incompatible with having a steady relationship. We're Girl B in man-form. So, I guess, we gotta find our kicks some other way if we want to settle down with someone and form something meaningful. Edited September 6, 2011 by betterdeal
FitChick Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I used to have a similar pattern years ago until I eliminated the underlying beliefs that controlled my behavior with the Lefkoe Method. Suddenly, the type of men I was attracted to and the type that I attracted shifted 180 degrees without my having to do anything consciously. I was giving out a different vibe and attracting healthier people than before. I'd suggest trying to eliminate the belief 'I'm not good enough' on the interactive website to get a sense of the process. You have to give your email but don't worry, once a week you will just receive links to Morty's blog. It's a different topic each time and some I find useful and others don't pertain to me. You can also watch Morty Lefkoe help eliminate a belief on youtube. Vitale had more sessions later on and wound up losing a lot of weight and exercising more. Something quite unexpected.
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