Author ChelleBelle Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 Only got 3 hours kip last night. It is dawn. I am going to get a coffee and see if I can find the dog. Yes, think I may go to councelling or get my chakras cleared, or something. I have a head ache from all the crying and loss of sleep. I noticed that Buttercup has had her phone number changed and I wondered if that would help me with NC. Since he never calls me and only texts, it may help. Or am I just making things more difficult. I am facing the tough realisation that he isn't going to fight for me. So why put off the inevitable pain and try to move on. Rob, What do you think? Maybe it is too early. Going to check your post now
Daremo_06 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Chelle, Personally, I would only change my number if I was truly trying to sever all contact for good. If you truly think it can work out if/when he pulls his head out of his ass, then I wouldn't unless its going to make it easier for you?
Graceful Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Chelle, About your beloved dog, so sorry. When I first broke up with my ex and moved out one of my pets (almost) got lost and it was so harrowing, I didn't think I would survive the pain, and it made the breakup pale in comparison. Yes, I love my pets more than I love(d) my ex. So put your energy and faith and hope into finding your dog. Do whatever it takes. I don't know very much about the cornfields you mention, but they sound daunting and huge, but dogs do hear from great distances, so I'm sure if you call his name as you walk, he will hear you. Many prayers and blessings to finding your dog. I await an update and truly send many hopeful, prayerful thoughts your way. As a die-hard animal lover (and someone who has happily spoiled all of her pets starting with the childhood pets my family adopted and loved), I hope he reappears with all my heart. Love, Grace
Author ChelleBelle Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 Yippee, we found 'Potty Dotty'. She was in a dyke down one of the fields. Made my day and put a smile on my face. It was pouring with rain and my son and I were soaked and muddy but we found her. Finally a result. Hope I can sleep tonight. Really need it.
Daremo_06 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Chelle, Hope your day went much better with your 'Potty Dotty' back ! Hang in there, you will make it. Remember you are worth it. If he cant figure that out, then its his loss. Post here when you need to, we will be here for you. Rob
Author ChelleBelle Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Well, I made it through the weekend. It was tough. Please let this week be kinder to me. I need it badly.
Author ChelleBelle Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Well, finally he is starting to get the message. He has made contact with me and has made arrangements for his x wife's stuff to be moved out the house next week. Finally he is beginning to see the light. This has been the hardest thing ever, to leave someone that you love sooo much over his x. I am very cautious but can sense the effort within him that he wants to make a change in his priorities. This will take time of course but to me it speaks volumes. A baby step. I made a stand when I left, over his x wife and his screwed up priorities. I have stuck to my guns. I told him, that I am not coming back unless her stuff is out of his house, he starts to move on etc., and lets go of the anger and bitterness. I should be his priority not his x. I was quite blunt and told him to get his head out of his bum, stop taking me for granted and smell the roses. Now I am going to see what happens. I can sense that he is prepared to fight for me and get things resolved. He wants to meet up tonight, which I can't do as I have a client but I will see him over the next week. (of course, I am not going to drop everything and run back into his arms, so I will drag it out but will meet up over the next few days) We were together for 2 years and he definately deserves a meeting. I know he loves me and I know he has been hurting just like me. Maybe I have some value after all.
Daremo_06 Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 Chelle, Your value is not based on another person's actions. You are a wonderful woman and don't give him that power over you. Stick to your guns and good luck!
Author ChelleBelle Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 Rob, Still not seen him and hanging on in there. I felt so desperate in this vacuum of hurt and misery that I had to go to the doctor for something. I had the first decent night sleep last night and I feel emotionally stronger which will help me when we eventually meet up with him. One way or another, things have to be talked through. I have refused to go round to his place as I know I would just cave in and end up staying the night. I just want and need him so badly. All this emotion makes me think about having sex with him. The tablets the doctor has given me is helping me sleep, the pain does not feel so bad and I feel more focused. I need strength to still walk away if that is the only option. I can't be just friends, I need more. I so hope that it is not going to be Lets Be Friends convo. It would break my healing heart. I want him and his love, not his friendship. I will keep you posted.
Graceful Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 There's only one reason or one incentive to see him: if he wants to reconcile and take the necessary steps to heal and grow with you. If he wants friendship, there is no reason to see him or meet up with him. If he is not clear what he wants, there is no reason to see him or meet up with him. Done and done. Speak to him before you meet up with him. If he offers either of the above, don't meet with him. Sure, it will hurt, but it will hurt more to see him and have him jerk you around in person while you're sitting there asking yourself why you agreed to see him. That will be your bad, not his. Take care.
Author ChelleBelle Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Quick update He has been texting on a daily basis, asking how I am , how sorry he is, how much he loves me, wants me back., etc., asked me out to my favourite resturant, asked me out for a coffee, wants to see me. I said no. He called last night and invited me round to his place for dinner. I was resolute and said NO. I stated that unless His x wive's furniture and stuff was out and the anger and bitterness was gone, it was pointless me coming back. He needs to make the change and be emotionally available to me. He said that he he understands. That he loves me, wants to be with me He misses us and realises what he was doing wrong. What a fool he had been to risk loosing me. The furniture etc., was going to be moved and a van arranged for collection for after the 24th. I am encouraged by this but remain strong. Thank God he did not hit me with the 'Just want to be friends' card. I would have been devastated. I know that he loves me, as I love him. Fingers crossed that he makes the change. I guess seeing is believing.
Daremo_06 Posted September 19, 2011 Posted September 19, 2011 How are you doing Chelle? Sticking to your guns right? Rob ps updated my thread also.
Daremo_06 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Chelle, How are you doing? Haven't heard back from you since you had said something about your laptop charger being broken. Rob
Author ChelleBelle Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 Hi, Well my laptop charger arrived today and hopefully, I will get back on top of everything with my posts. After weeks of misery and despair, I finally agreed to meet up with my X. He has been texting & calling me, asking to see me to talk and see if our differences could be resolved. He took me to a gorgeous resturant and we talked about our issues. What I had been feeling, why I left, his X wife, my X husband., etc., alot of issues were discussed in a frank and positive way. He is moving his wives stuff out and wants me to be with him when my X husband is visiting and staying at my house to visit my son, as he feels uncomfortable with this scenario also, which is fair enough. This was a good compromise. After the meal we went to a pub and then for a drive. In my mind, I was quite determined that I was not going to give in and end up in bed with him. This was very hard to do as I love him desperately and am very attracted to him. He asked me what I wanted, that he loved and wanted me. That I was the priority in his life. I explained that his x wife's stuff had to be moved and how awful the whole X thing was making me feel ghastly. He said that he had done everything I wanted, had texted and called every day, been pleading to meet up and to resolve the problems, arranged for the stuff to be moved out and what more could he do? What did I want? Where were we heading? That he loves me and What did I want from him? I just broke down and started to cry. The pain of the past few weeks were simply too much for me to bare. I asked him kindly, to take me home. He became upset that My x husband was in the house visiting my son and staying over and that I was not prepared to come home to his house, when he made all the effort to make things right between us. Somehow and I don't quite know how it happened, but an argument erupted between us and I got out of his car. He spun off in a rage and I immediately knew I had blown it. The last thing I wanted was a 'tit for tat' situation. Two wrongs don't make a right. He had come half way to make things right between us and I had stubbornly held onto my pride and threw it in his face. I now know that I have to make the next move. I know that I need to meet him half way and forget my pride and concentrate on reaching a compromise and being true to my feelings. It is simple really. I love him. He loves me. Am I really going to be a perfect cow? I am strong woman but I was insecure so I threw things in his face and he didn't deserve that. I am not a horrible b---ch and I want to be better than that woman who was ranting and raging at him. I am going to apologise and am searching for the right words. I feel I let myself down.
Daremo_06 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Don't beat yourself up too much. He is the one that caused this whole mess in the 1st place so its understandable that it might take a little time for you to let your guard back down. He is overreacting to your ex being there because you didn't make that agreement till the same day your ex was there. A little un-realistic I would say. If your comfortable with it, reaching out to take ownership of your part of the argument and things you might have said that you regret wouldn't be a bad idea. Let me know how it goes. Rob ps check on my thread desperately need your input
Author ChelleBelle Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Well, well, well, Action speak louder than words, after 6 weeks of misery, I finally have a result. I sent him a text and apologised for my outburst. He called. Said he understood and that all the pain had to stop. We both love each other and need to compromise and see each others point of view. We both had X marriage partners and kids but our love and relationship was a priority. He arranged for all of her furniture and stuff to be moved out. The van came and took it away. His place looks empty but her stuff has gone. I have agreed to move back in when my x is staying over at my place to my son (11 yrs old). So I am not sleeping under the same roof as my x which is fair enough. The horses are to be looked after one a weekly rotation basis by his wife and another party. He is painting the main house. He is moving the washing machine and installing a down stairs bathroom. He is pushing ahead, breaking away from the past and looking to the future. I am so proud of him for making the change. Talk about shocked. I was so surprised but could stop smiling. Sure it is early days and I am sure there will be relapses as we are only human. But essentially I have done everything he wanted of me and he has done likewise. I am pleased I stuck to my guns, but gosh I have had a ghastly few weeks. The pain and hurt has been terrible. Guess sometimes love finds a way. Looks like I will have to get the recipe book out now and start working on my cooking skills. Got to keep my man happy.
Daremo_06 Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Glad to hear things are going well for you Chelle! You deserve it! Just wish I had as good news as you.... If you want to contact me off the board, your welcome to email me at [email protected] Would love to keep in touch with you as you have been so helpful with your insight. Rob
Author ChelleBelle Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Hello rob, I have just sent you an email with my email address. Lets keep in touch. If I can offer you any support and guidance to you which is helpful. It will be lovely.
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