Painful Break up of Old Chick. It hurts Bad

[ChelleBelle]

I am 52 and have just broken up with my bf of 2 years. The pain is killing us both and I feel NC is the only solution. We are both divorced from other parties with children. There is just so much anger and anst in his heart over his ex, the backlash of his hatred is making me feel insecure and so very upset. I have been divorced longer and have come to terms with the issues that ended my marriage.

 

I feel for him and try to be supportive and understanding but it is never enough. How can my love live there, amid all his pain? His anger and negativity is emotionally killing me. I know that there is no future for us. How can there be? So I guess that means he is emotionally unavailable. Perhaps I am being used as his emotional crutch? He is texting me, and I know he loves me, as I love him, but there is no future between us as he cannot let go of his past. Everything is such a mess from his divorce. There was this huge family row between him and his daughters over his X and I walked out of his house. I don't belong there and it was painful to witness.

 

I am not responding to his texts or calls. Why? Nothing would change. The hurt and angst would keep going on. It has been one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, to leave someone who i love and loves me, but cannot emotionally commit and let go of his past. I can't even hate him. All I feel is sadness and pain.

 

Perhaps I should be wiser and older but the pain of losing his love is terrible. I have this desire to text him and offer some closure but am afraid he would persuade me to stay and I couldn't cope with that pain either.

 

NC is the only solution. Maybe if he does not hear from me for a while he will learn what he has lost, let go of the past, concentrate on us and the important things he has in his life.

 

Well, dream on ChelleBelle, what is that saying about men, leapords and spots

[Nohbody]

Sounds like you've made up your mind. Have you tried any kind of relationship counseling or even asked him to seek solo counseling for his issues?

[ChelleBelle]

He has texted me twice today and I finally responded telling him how I felt and how hurt I feel over everything. He says he loves me and wants to be with me forever. He assures me that he is over his X and will sort out his post divorce issues. Whilst I love him deeply and want to believe him, I just can't go there at the moment. I am so scared I will be hurt again. How many scars can I take? I just don't know how to handle this ghastly situation.

[Graceful]

He has texted me twice today and I finally responded telling him how I felt and how hurt I feel over everything. He says he loves me and wants to be with me forever. He assures me that he is over his X and will sort out his post divorce issues. Whilst I love him deeply and want to believe him, I just can't go there at the moment. I am so scared I will be hurt again. How many scars can I take? I just don't know how to handle this ghastly situation.

 

Don't even consider a reconciliation without couples counseling. No one just magically is transformed, especially after he has shown you how ingrained his thinking is and how ingrained his behavior is -- your absence didn't perform magic, it just produced pain that he can't handle.

 

You can't live in dysfunction, that's out of the question. So he either agrees to couples counseling or make this the last stop on the crazy train.

 

If you think he can follow up actions for the long haul, you will be making a huge mistake and have only yourself to blame for a temporary fix. And I contend this man has hurt you and treated you so poorly that getting back together with him on any terms is not going to feel good, not at all. You'd have to be a glutton for punishment to feel otherwise. Sometimes the words and even the actions, come too late. You can't just sweep all of this pain and negativity under the rug, and I think you know that.

 

PS I had a co-worker, although a lot younger than you at the time, who had a similar situation. Both divorced, she was resolved, he was stilll bitter and angry. After 6 months of dating, she put her foot down and told him she would not be able to be surrounded by his bitterness and negativity and to put a lid on it -- he finally did. But he did have slip ups now and again that they laughed at and were able to freeze the moment and move on. The big difference is that they were younger than you and your ex, and she put her foot down after 6 months. After 2 years, I am not sure you're going to get a man in his fifties to make that sort of transformation -- and definitely not without counseling. Good luck.

[ChelleBelle]

Thank you Graceful, for taking the time to respond.

 

It means something to me and you have helped me to see the situation from another prospective. He has texted me several times today and iloves me and is keen to get back together and sort out the divorce issues. I have taken on your advise and told him exactly how I feel (Never been that blatant with him before) I have firmly put my foot down and told him to move on.

 

Your guidance has given me some strength and I will not accept a temporary fix. He has taken advantage of my support, guidance and love.

 

Actually, I went to councelling during my divorce and although alot of folk poo-poo the idea, it really pulled me through and gave me so much self worth and optimism. It pulled me back from a dark and angry place. My x husband had an affair and I felt worthless. Councelling did wonders for me.

 

Thank u so much for taking the time to reply. It was important to me.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I am sorry!

 

I'm an old chick too. Very, very fortunately for me, I avoided getting deeply involved with the several men I met while dating who had the exact same issue that you describe in your guy. Deep seated anger and bitterness.

 

The good one who I did find and latch onto for eternity says he had the exact same experience with many women when he was dating within our age range, which is heavily populated with divorced people.

 

We were talking about it just yesterday. We came to the conclusion that being with a person who's holding onto so much ager and other emotions around their ex is almost similar to being with a person who's in love with another. Their emotions are so tied up and the person spends so much energy and "mind space" on the person from the past that they are, as you say, emotionally unavailable.

 

If the two of you REALLY want to work it out, couples counseling might help ...

[ChelleBelle]

I am not having a good day. I am crying alot and I feel the hurt and pain bubbling within me. For once I can't wait to get into work so I can stop thinking about this horrible feeling and concentrate on something else. I know I deserve better but it hurts like hell. I have a head ache from all the crying and lack of sleep.

 

I know I was good to him and that I tried my best. It hurts to know that he has spent so much negative energy and anger on his X, who is now happily living with someone else, when he could have been more focused and emotionally available to me.

 

I spent half the night reading posts on this site and I know I am not alone with these feelings.

 

It is awful to give love and and feel that it was taken for granted and not appreciated.

 

I haven't responded to his last 2 texts. I can't bring myself to answer.

 

He wants to meet up to resolve, discuss and make things right between us but I don't want to see him. He says he loves me and I know he does. But he can't move on from his divorce. His house is still full of her stuff. Her horses are still on his farm. The anger is still within him. It has been 2 yrs now. It is is time he moved on and emptied his house and life of her. She has moved on. Why can't he?

 

Sadly the only thing that has moved out of his life is me. I guess my love was not worth fighting for.

 

Yes, I know I deserve better but it hurts like hell and today I can"t stop crying.

[Graceful]

Chelle,

 

I was glad to hear that my words gave you some direction and clarification so you could stick to your resolve. And kudos for seeking therapy during your divorce because you seem to appreciate what you learned and benefited from it. I agree, it is easily "poo pooed" (ha ha) but there is a great deal to gain from therapy at a time of great transition.

 

If he had contacted you say, in 6 months, with proof and examples of what he'd done to grow as a person and clear his head and ask for you back *after* doing some work on himself, that would be an entirely different story.

 

Instead, he has come back now, in the throes of pain and misery, with no basis what so ever, no proof, no effort, nothing -- but empty promises that really don't mean much on the open market, if you get what I mean.

 

Why put yourself back into a "high risk" relationship with a jerk who had one chance after another for TWO (count them) solid years at a time in his life when he should be saying, "I'm no kid -- what am I waiting for -- life's too short as it is -- I have no time to waste" at his age, he's more than half way through his life for crying out loud.

 

But instead, what has he done to prove to you or show you he's capable of making a transformation? NOTHING. You had to pull the plug for him to suddenly wake up? You should NOT have to do that!! And no, I am not being stubborn on your behalf.

 

Do you want a relationship with a mature, adult man, or a child? You have children, you raised them on your own apparently since you're divorced, so you already know a lot about raising teenagers. Do you want a man who acts like one ... forever?? I cringe at the thought of being with a man who needs to be told to grow up. Seriously.

 

I am not having a good day. I am crying alot and I feel the hurt and pain bubbling within me. For once I can't wait to get into work so I can stop thinking about this horrible feeling and concentrate on something else. I know I deserve better but it hurts like hell.[/Quote] Yeah, work is the best place to be. Gives you some glue to hold yourself together for a day. And there's nothing you can do about him anyhow, so you might as well put your nose in your work and do something constructive.

 

I know I was good to him and that I tried my best. It hurts to know that he has spent so much negative energy and anger on his X, who is now happily living with someone else, when he could have been more focused and emotionally available to me.

And here it is, right here. He brought this on himself. His ex is in a new relationship. He had no pride, no dignity, to just walk away and live his new life, too, even when he had a great person like you on his arm? That's something to be angry about alright.

 

He wants to meet up to resolve, discuss and make things right between us but I don't want to see him. He says he loves me and I know he does. But he can't move on from his divorce. His house is still full of her stuff. Her horses are still on his farm. The anger is still within him. It has been 2 yrs now. It is is time he moved on and emptied his house and life of her. She has moved on. Why can't he?

And well said here, too.

 

He blew it with you, and no matter how hard it is for you right now with your pain, it's that simple. He blew it. He hurt you beyond repair. Too little too late. The damage is done. He didn't see it with his marriage being ended, and he doesn't see it with you. He's acting the same way. Thinks he can have a free pass. What these people don't see is that the words, "I love you" mean squat. They really mean nothing without actions behind them. Love is not one size fits all. There is love that's just enough on the meter to say the words, but not with any depth. There's "fun love" that registers on the scale for good times only, but when tough times come along, the love isn't deep enough to get through those times. And then there is deep, mature, committed love -- the real thing. When the words and the actions come together, where there is compromise, where there is devotion, and where there are two people who are in sync. That's not what he is offering, and you know that.

 

He just wants a release from his pain. He has regrets about the way he treated you, but if you hadn't ended it, he'd still be jerking you around, and you know that. Well, he made his bed, now he lies in it. Yes, it's going to hurt, you have a lot of emotion to release, but taking him back is not an option. Just take it one day at a time for now. Take care.

Edited September 7, 2011 by Graceful

[ChelleBelle]

Hello Graceful,

 

You sound like an 'all together' person and very switched on too.

Thank you for your support and words of encouragement. I bet you wouldn't let a guy emotionally take advantage of you.

 

I came home from work and of course started crying. It hurts so bad. You are right of course, I can't go back. His actions would speak volumes but he only has words and empty promises. If I go back to him, nothing would change. I had to be so brave, it leave.

 

When I read your message my head saw the logic of your words and the harsh truth and reality of my situation, but of course my heart is elsewhere. I bet you wouldn't have tolerated what I have put up with. I bet you would have thrown in the towel long before I did, or pulled in the reigns really tight.

 

Sometimes I feel I have brought this all on myself.

[Graceful]

Chelle,

 

You're too kind. While I have always set limits on the way I am treated and have deal breakers I would never back down from -- I didn't end up on support boards such as LS for fun. I've had my heart broken quite badly and know the mistakes I made will never be made again. In fact, I had a close encounter with pain not too long ago (someone was jerking me around) but now I know what to do, kicked him to the curb and within a day or two, I was pain free. Seriously. There was a time I would have kept giving that jackass the benefit of the doubt. Why bother? Once someone shows me his true colors, what more do I have to see?

 

Yes, your heart is elsewhere. Mine was too after the end of a relationship, there is rarely a track where the heart and mind are going hand in hand to the finish line. The logic far precedes what is happening with the heart.

 

As for what I would have done ... that's not important unless it helps you to see someone out here who has the clarity you ultimately want. If I inspire you to seek that, I am honored.

 

When I read your message my head saw the logic of your words and the harsh truth and reality of my situation, but of course my heart is elsewhere. I bet you wouldn't have tolerated what I have put up with. I bet you would have thrown in the towel long before I did, or pulled in the reigns really tight. Sometimes I feel I have brought this all on myself.

Truth? I would not have put up with it, as I have a lot of stubborn pride and I'm not going to play second fiddle to someone's ex, even if the ex is with someone else -- the issue becomes how this is affecting me -- and that sort of negative energy drains my batteries. I cannot be around angry, negative people, and neither can you, or should you, or will you ... ever again. For now, cry and mourn the loss. And learn. You just gave this man the benefit of the doubt for far too long. That's not a crime. It was at a big emotional price and once you get through this knothole, you'll see the red flags waving at you in the future and be empowered by how well you know yourself. A reward for all of your pain, and a worthy one.

 

For now, invest in lots of Kleenex.

[ChelleBelle]

Well I survived another day. He texted me twice today pleading with me and wanting to see me. I told him I was not coming back, nothing would change, he had used all up all his chances and that it was over and to stop texting as it was not doing either of us any good.

 

I have cried buckets and buckets. I have switched off my mobile but have noticed that he has not actually picked up the phone to me. Always texts. Coward.

 

He said he wanted to come round and talk but wouldn't because my x husband was around. {My x husband and I have a good friendship and he is staying over as he is visiting our son who is 12. There is seriously nothing between my x husband and I, infact he has offered to stay in a hotel if it makes things easier with my now x boyfriend.}

I replied to my X that, that was a bit rich, as in 2 yrs he has not even met my x, whilst I have had to put up with his x visiting the stables twice a day. I suppose if I had a nose bag and ate hay or had brown curly hair, went to keep fit, lost some weight and had almost 1 million pounds in the bank, he may have noticed me and given me more attention.

 

Talk about cheek. I may not be rich and have the luxury of horses but I have my own business, my pride and am a good woman. I am fed up with being second best. I am not putting up with it.

 

Where was he when the big family bust up happened last week? His daughter and I are in tears in the stable yard and he was ranting and raving over his X wife {again}. Where was he when I packed my bag and got in my beat up, rusty old car and left him? Ranting and Raving at his X and her boyfriend {again} whilst I am in tears driving home. Why didn't he stop me from leaving? Coz he didn't care, that's why. He didn't even call me to see how I was.

 

Well he can stuff the horses, his X wife, her furniture and the range rover. Money can't buy what I gave him and I deserve better. Bet his daughters are delighted that I am out of the picture now. The token blonde bimbo has left the building (or should I say farm). Bimbo? I speak 3 languages. have a degree and run my own company.

 

Anyway I am not a horsey person. I wear high heels and make up. My arse would look huge in those black jodpurs pants. I know my limitations.

 

He can stick his pitch fork where the sun doesn't shine.

 

Oh God, another sleepless night. Another day to face. Guess I need to take some shares in Kleenex.

[Daremo_06]

Chelle,

 

Your on the right path. This guy is not willing to take steps that while they might be scary for him are important to you and show that you are important to him. Its sad that so many guys do this, I have seen it before. Hell, I'm guilty of it to some degree myself which has led me to this site.

 

One day at a time, one hour at a time, even one breath at a time. Just keep putting them together and it gets easier. And actions always speak louder than words. Remember that when the words sound so good, waiting and watching tells you oh so much more.

 

Rob

[ChelleBelle]

Thank you Rob.

 

It means a lot to me to have a man's perspective regarding my position. Obviously, I speak to my girl friends about this and they are all full of consolation and sympathy.

 

I think actions do speak louder than words. I feel so heart broken over this. I hope, he will eventually realise that it is over and he has lost something very precious. Maybe when he reaches this melt down, he will start to put up a fight for me. I think he has got his priorities screwed up.

 

It is hard for me to accept that I am not worth fighting for and he is prepared to kick me to the kurb. I don't understand. He hasn't even called me. I think he doesn't want to hear the words and prefers to communicate thru text. Coward.

 

At least I had the balls to walk out and say enough already.

 

Do you have any advise for me Rob?

[EgoJoe]

Chelle, please do some reading here at http://al.turtlecounseling.com

 

The "it feels like it's never enough" statement queued me to believe that he is looking for all of his validation from you and that is not fair. I was that guy and I saw the effects it had on my then Girlfriend now Ex-Girlfriend.

 

What he wants but doesn't know about is Reliable Contact and what you both would do well to understand is about validating resentment without taking offense.

 

Everything else is up to you, but, I suspect you would fix this if you thought it was possible. Please, read around on that site. The man offers phone consultations as well.

[Daremo_06]

The last major relationship I had before the current one that has brought me here was not exactly a good idea. It was an affair that ended my marriage. It took a couple years to do it and right from the start I had been hooked on this woman. We clicked on so many levels. She had her own demons though, and broke up with me several times by just ending all contact and going back to her ex. During this time, I went through some intense therapy and learned how to be patient and watch what people do. I loaned her money for rent a few times, and she instead used it for drugs. Even borrowed my car, picked her ex up and went to get drugs with him once. When I realized this and that meant she really didn't care about me even though she claimed she did, I was able to step back and I went NC. 6-8 months later she reached out to me and asked me to meet her. I did, but very hesitantly. I almost turned around twice on the way there. When I saw her, she was different. Had lost weight, too much. Looked older. Looked worn. I realized what we had in the beginning was not what was there now and would never be again. We saw each other a few times more after that, but I never let my wall down again.

 

The lesson I learned that helped me the most was actions speaking louder than words. Those actions told me all I needed to know about her real feelings/intentions.

 

I feel for you Chelle, you sound like an amazing woman and this guy cant pull his head out of his rear enough to see that if he just took the steps he needs to for himself that it would be exactly the right thing for you as well.

 

Hang in there....

 

Also, check on my thread you commented on I had added some info and needed your input

[Daremo_06]

Also I did a lot of reading today at the Al Turtle Counseling site and there is a great deal of good help there. Props to EgoJoe for posting that!

[ChelleBelle]

Hi all,

 

Had a brutal day at work. Had an African client threaten to kill me because his order has been offloaded in the UK and a Russian client who wanted to perform various sexual acts on me coz he was p...off. The internet banking server was down, the shipping company failed to clear one of my countainers and it was one crisis after another. At one point I started to cry but the team kept me going. It is so hard to focus and take work pressure when your heart is breaking.

 

Amid all of this my X's mum called me. She is 86 and never called before. She wanted to know what happened and if she can help in any way. I was open and honest with her and showed no malice. It is not in my nature, I am in love with her son and she is a sweety. She agreed that her son had to make some decisions and move on from his divorce. She said he loved me desperately and was going to sort everything out. She was crying over our split. Great. That really made me feel bad and started me off again. All this heartache and sadness.

 

He texted me. Wants to speak to me, wants to see me but I am simply not strong enough. I went onto Al turtle today. Going by his advise, I am doing everything right. If my X wants me, I need to give him time and see if he is prepared to make the emotional commitement and validate his love with actions not just words.

 

I don't know, this is all so very painful. I am thinking that I have to get through this, somehow. Surely if he loves me, he is going to sort out his x wives stuff, sort his head out and prove his love with actions. Why did I have to leave and go through all this pain to make him realise I had a voice in his life too? I miss him so much. I want him so bad but I need to know he deserves me.

 

Another sleepless night. More tears. i have clients meetings tomorrow and I feel like I have been baled by a combine harvester.

[Daremo_06]

Chelle,

 

I know its hard. I have walked in a similar path. Even the words I speak from someone knowing what its like are only so much consolation. Its going to hurt. Its going to suck. The very best thing you can do for yourself is to stick to the healthy stuff your picking up from here and Al's site and other similar sources. Stay VERY busy doing healthy things, spend as much time as possible with people you feel safe with. Plan your days to make sure your minimizing your chances to be alone with your thoughts, because those thoughts are going to be tough to deal with. The last few weeks I have been doing the same thing, I plan to be busy with people or doing something that takes my mind mostly off of things. I joined a gym on monday and have been focusing on that, on working on things around the house and trying to find ways to makes sure I am out with friends at night so that I am not left alone with my thoughts which have been my worst enemy for the past few weeks.

 

Do not under any circumstances break down and go back to him right now. You will not have solved anything and he will have gotten what he wants back with minimal effort. If you really care for him, let him fix his issues and prove to you that you are that important to him. In the meantime, work on you and you may come to realize you really don't need him, that your happier without that drama and that your going to find someone that truly validates your feelings. On the other hand, maybe he will be that man that I am trying to be in my thread, fix his crap and be that shining knight in armor for you coming to take you to Camelot. Time will tell.

 

Keep posting and I am sending you love and comfort from across the Atlantic.

 

Rob

[Graceful]

Chelle,

 

Listen to me. It's okay to cry and carry on.

 

But, Chelle, here's the thing. If you were with a normal, healthy guy, this wouldn't be happening. You wouldn't have spent two years in a relationship being treated like a third wheel, being made to feel uncomfortable, and worst of all, being forced out of the relationship because this Bozo refused to grow up.

 

He's not a grown up. He is play acting as a grown up, but he's a kid.

 

You need a MAN, because you're a grown up. Right. You're a classy, intelligent woman who wants to be in a functioning adult relationship, and if you had been in one, this would NOT be happening.

 

So, Chelle. It's too soon to even consider a reconciliation because this guy needs to grow up and he didn't do that in a couple of days. He needs to clean up his act. And he needs to RESPECT YOU. If he respected you, he would leave you alone and treat you like a woman right now.

 

Remember, you gave more than you got. His mother (who sounds adorable, BTW) called you, I mean, he even hurt his mother by being a jerk to you!! WHO DOES THAT? A JERK.

 

I don't care how much you miss this guy. It's like putting the brakes on the car right when it's GOING OFF THE CLIFF. TOO LATE.

 

So stay the course, okay. Just know that if he really wants to prove to you how much he loves you and wants you, he needs to leave you alone, clean up his act, make some serious changes and then and ONLY THEN, will you even agree to speak to his sorry a$$.

 

You're doing the right thing.

 

I'll check the stock prices on Kleenex in the meantime.

 

Amid all of this my X's mum called me. She is 86 and never called before. She wanted to know what happened and if she can help in any way. I was open and honest with her and showed no malice. It is not in my nature, I am in love with her son and she is a sweety. She agreed that her son had to make some decisions and move on from his divorce. She said he loved me desperately and was going to sort everything out. She was crying over our split. Great. That really made me feel bad and started me off again. All this heartache and sadness.

 

He texted me. Wants to speak to me, wants to see me but I am simply not strong enough. I went onto Al turtle today. Going by his advise, I am doing everything right. If my X wants me, I need to give him time and see if he is prepared to make the emotional commitement and validate his love with actions not just words.

Edited September 9, 2011 by Graceful

[ChelleBelle]

Hello Rob and Graceful,

 

I managed 4 hours sleep last night, an improvement, I suppose. I am facing another day and I am dreading it. Time passes so slow. I wonder if I shall receive anymore death threats and voodoo chants today.

 

You are both right and I am going to be as strong as I can be and hold on in there. I have told him I am not coming back and living in his life of anger and bitterness. My leaving must have some inpact surely? Obviously he has told his family that we have split up. So there must be some sort of realisation there. I am refusing to talk or speak to him and his texts are less now. I guess eventually, they will stop completely and as time passes he will probably think 'I did him a favour by leaving' and go down the route, that if I loved him enought I would have hung on in there.

 

I guess we are back to the old sayings: that time is a great healer, actions speak louder than words and finally, seeing is believing. One thing I know for sure, that if he does decide to fight for me and sort this mess out, it is going to take time and nothing is going to happen fast.

 

So I am in for the long haul and like you said, maybe I will come to the realisation that I am not that much in love with him after all.

 

Better get my battle armour on today, probably end up with some African spears and Russian daggers in my back.

 

Rob have a good night tonight and I will keep an eye on your post and Graceful have a fab weekend.

[Daremo_06]

Hope you had a good day Chelle. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

[ChelleBelle]

Today was awful. It was ghastly. I couldn"t keep any balls in he air, they all fell down on my weak shoulders.

 

Today I hate myself and I feel worthless,fat,ugly and old.

I can understand why my x would not want to be with me. I am a complete mess and train wreck. I could win an oscar for self pity and worthlessness.

 

My day at work was terrible. One of my African clients demanded to see me privately and asked for a 3k back hander on an order. My little dog is missing and lost amid the 6 ft high sweet corn. My Italian agent, who I recently fired, tried to get more settlement money out of me and copied my x in on an email saying that I was sleeping with an Italian supplier and she was going to sue me for more money. {Yeah I should be so lucky to be with an Italian Stallion at my age, thank you for that}, where did that come from? Perfect timing from her. My container for Benin is in limbo land and may have to be returned at my expense and the good old boy network is pushing my buttons. My whole week has been a nightmare.

 

Tonight as I sat at supper I found myself fighting despair and tears. I was thinking that I could just get a ferry to France and 'disappear'. U know for a split second, that sounded plausible. As if.

 

I think I feel upset and desperate because of what the Italian agent did. The only text I received from my X today, was to tell me I should respond to my agent's email. Guess he thinks I am screwing every Italian I meet. OMG her timing could not have been more perfect. Now my X thinks I am tart. Now I know he will not contact me again, why should he? I look like a complete and utter trollop or a physcotic, menapausal female. Bet he thinks he had a close shave.

 

Love really stinks. The pain I feel today is so bad, I feel I should be sectioned under the mental Act.

 

I have cried non stop for 2 hours and I wonder when the pain will ever leave.

 

Why do I feel ashamed and worthless? What did I do wrong?

[Daremo_06]

Wow.

 

I feel for you Chelle as it seems like the hits keep on coming. Did you find your dog yet?

 

Do you have any friends to spend time with? I know that my friends and family have been hugely supportive of me because this time I did not screw up hugely by cheating or something equally horrible. Their support has been vital to me. That and staying busy.

 

Do you have someone who can come over and stay with you or that you can stay with to keep you company and out of the realm of your thoughts and you all alone?

 

You did nothing wrong. Your standing up for your dignity and feelings and self-respect. Its not your fault.

 

How's the kleenex supply going over there? I could send some over if you need it .

 

Hang in there, and repeat after me... I am a good person and its not my fault.

 

*HUGS*

[ChelleBelle]

Hi there,

 

No, sadly my little dog is still missing. My son and I searched in the fields for her until dark. At least it is the weekend now and I will try to relax from work. I am thinking that if I don't feel any better in say 10 days, I will seek out a relationship councellor to help me get thru this pain and stress. I have come to the conclusion that I am going through a very difficult time and I need assistance.

 

Funny how it was my x that I thought needed councelling and now it turns out that I am the one that probably needs it more and will end up going.

 

Break ups really screws up your head.

 

Hope yr night goes well with your X rob. At least one of us has got it right.

[Daremo_06]

Hang in there Chelle!

 

Going to a counselor isnt a bad thing. They are a guide to help you find the right path.

 

I hope your dog is ok! I have two dogs and I would be crushed if I lost them too.

 

You didnt read my thread.. my plans changed... so its a long stressful 36 hours or so..

 

Hugs!