Tasha49 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 So I ended it with the guy who didn't want to commit to a relationship and I feel pretty good about it. However, I don't know what my next plan of action is. How do I go about this? I should be ignoring him for the most part unless I see him at work right? Well I haven't been ignoring him. I have not hung out with him since 6 days ago when I ended it but I am talking to him and beig nice. He seems to not like not talking to me since he texts me more than ever now. And calls me. I don't know what to do. While there is no way I would go back to that situation, I feel that if he would actually want to be in a relationship down the road, I would take it (if I was single). And if I ignore him he'll forget about me completely =\ The only real hard part about this is thinking about him finding someone else. I can't get over that, it sucks!! So what should I do?? Ignore him or keep talking to him?
Star Gazer Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Ask him to not contact you or speak to you unless it's strictly work related, and only during working hours while at work.
Nexus One Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 The only real hard part about this is thinking about him finding someone else. I can't get over that, it sucks!! Perhaps, to get over that, you should start thinking about finding a boyfriend that does want to be in a (loyal) serious relationship with you. I don't know if that's the best advice though at this moment, so take it with a grain of salt.
sm1tten Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Well, it seems you are kind of straddling the fence here, and that's no good for you. I get that you care about him and you want to be available in case he changes his mind, but if he didn't in the year plus you were dating, why would he now? By keeping yourself in the picture, you are feeding his belief that he doesn't have to commit to you to get or keep you. You should not be talking to him. By continuing to talk to him, and continuing to care about what he does now that he's not with you, you're not moving on emotionally and you won't be ready when the right guy for you comes along. If you're just going to keep waiting on him, then what was the point of breaking up?
make me believe Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I don't know why you're worried about him "finding someone else" when he was never actually yours to begin with. Don't forget that he was having sex with other girls while you were "dating." He only wants you right now because you're telling him he can't have you. He's trying to get back the control he had for so long and he's freaking out that you took it away from him. Go no contact unless it's legitimately work related.
Professor X Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 If you're just going to keep waiting on him, then what was the point of breaking up? I have to agree with this. You broke up with him for your own good, not to try and manipulate him back into a RS with you. Remember that.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Maybe you should stop looking for right now? Clearly you're latching onto this guy, even though he wasn't right for you. You need to respect yourself enough to let yourself heal, before you go into another relationship. And the key to that is letting go of this guy.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Anyway, good for you for ending what was going on. That was in no way good for you. I advise not staying in contact with him beyond what's necessary because you work together. It's not serving you well to do so.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 I have to agree with this. You broke up with him for your own good, not to try and manipulate him back into a RS with you. Remember that. By no means am I trying to manipulate him. I don't even want him in a relationship right now and I told him that too. I told him not to all of a sudden tell me he wants a relationship because I won't accept it. It will be forced and not right. So I told him we both need to move on and figure out what is best for us. If we end up trying it in the future so be it. But right now it isn't right for either of us. Because if he commits I will be the satisfied one and he will be the unhappy one. And I don't want that at all. I just know we would be great in the future when he was done being a retard lol. I guess you're all right though. I need to move on and not talk to him. I have done all I could.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 This relationship is OVER. Put it behind you and move on. NO CONTACT, except what is absolutely necessary for work. And even then, you're best treating him like a colleague only, not a friend or former lover. Let him go, grieve and get the crappy feelings out, then move on, girlfriend.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 This relationship is OVER. Put it behind you and move on. NO CONTACT, except what is absolutely necessary for work. And even then, you're best treating him like a colleague only, not a friend or former lover. Let him go, grieve and get the crappy feelings out, then move on, girlfriend. Harsh. I like it Thank you! I will just have tO move on. I STILL have yet to cry much over this. It is really strange. I shed a few tears a night or two after I ended it but when I did the other two times (end it) I was a mess. I locked myself in my room all day and didn't eat. Maybe I just realized I deserve better.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 You do! And if you start to cry again, let it all out. I firmly believe that letting all those cruddy emotions OUT is key to moving on. If you don't let them out, they just fester inside you for years. Life is painful. Failed relationships are very painful. Mourn it as long as you need to, and bawl your eyes out like a baby. Then pick yourself up and move on, with some important lessons learned.
D-Lish Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Ugh, I've been in your situation before. I dated someone for 3 months and he had said up front that he wasn't looking to get "involved in a comitted relationship". However, his actions said something different- he told me he loved me, wanted to see me every day. After 3 months when I suggested he come to x-mas dinner at my parents place (he was here alone visiting from Ireland and didn't know anyone), he shut down and reiterated that he didn't want anything serious. I broke up with him and unfortunately, stupid me- I left and got sucked back into a fwb's situation for almost another 2 years! Everytime I'd walk away, he'd wait a month or two and sucked me back in (and I allowed it). He never changed his mind- they rarely do. I think it would be best to go NC and stick to it.
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