Ashes_risen Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I've been feeling so sick today... I know it has to be some form of anxiety. I feel so nervous in my stomach just thinking about my ex wife and my son who is with her. She's with a new guy and the guy has a 9 year old daughter of his own from a previous marriage or whatever. I kinda feel the only way I can help make these horrid feelings go away is to try and find someone to date or take my mind off of my ex. Best part though is my daughter is with me, but that's another story. I don't want pills or anything to alter my mind in such a way that I don't feel anything anymore. I don't really know what's happening to me, I need help but can't get it easily. My main focus is with my daughter, my son wanted to be with his mom, I can only talk to him on the phone but he doesn't seem to want to talk much. It's just hard, I'm lonely and don't feel things are fair. She's on her 2nd relationship as far as I know, I dated a girl for one day. It was pathetic. My self esteem is gone to hell and I really don't know what to do sometimes. Funny thing is, writing about all this like just now has made me feel a little better. It's just bugging me. I need love and affection, I'm a great guy who's just been mistreated for so long. I don't know why I can't find someone who I'm equally fond of? Gotta be this crappy town lol. It's a sausage fest here. Ugh... I'm sorta just wondering, does anyone here go through this? I know I can't be alone. I've only been separated for a little over a year. What are maybe some tips besides "moving on" or going hiking b.s.? Maybe I need to get laid?
visualbasicide Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I vote counseling, medication if they offer it, a hobby, and more time. Been over a year for me and I am just now getting used to waking up (or going to sleep) without loathing either. The major misconception is you just forget about it and move on and everything will just be ok. Doesn't happen and people that practice that set themselves up for failure. It takes time. You don't need to drag anyone else into the mix until you get yourself in a place that makes you content with just being you. You mentioned hiking, if you an active sort, hit the gym, endorphins for the win! Get a hobby or some activity you like to do. Helps the cockroaches from wandering around in the attic of the mind. When you feel good about who you are, then others will feel good about who you are too and the rest will take care of itself, take care of yourself first and foremost, after the kids of course.
Author Ashes_risen Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 I vote counseling, medication if they offer it, a hobby, and more time. Been over a year for me and I am just now getting used to waking up (or going to sleep) without loathing either. The major misconception is you just forget about it and move on and everything will just be ok. Doesn't happen and people that practice that set themselves up for failure. It takes time. You don't need to drag anyone else into the mix until you get yourself in a place that makes you content with just being you. You mentioned hiking, if you an active sort, hit the gym, endorphins for the win! Get a hobby or some activity you like to do. Helps the cockroaches from wandering around in the attic of the mind. When you feel good about who you are, then others will feel good about who you are too and the rest will take care of itself, take care of yourself first and foremost, after the kids of course. I know I have a huge mountain to climb. I forced myself to go with my mom and daughter out on a walk tonight. It's crazy how I have to pull myself to do things. It's like I have these chains that pull against me. Some days I don't feel anything and I'm doing good, but today, wow, wtf happened to me? It feels like me coming off some sort of drug but I'm nervous and sick to my stomach. I never felt like this when we were a happy family. I doubt she ever feels like I do. If you don't care about someone enough to stay with them even through the bad times, why would you care about them in the better times? I wasn't expecting to come back and pour myself onto a website, but I didn't know what else to do. I would love to go to a good counseling group and just talk to others who are going through the same thing. Other victims like me. I would so just love to snap my fingers and everything would be okay again. It's hard from going from getting to come home to someone you know that loves you and has plans to have a life with you to it all going opposite. It's like I have abandonment issues. I'm not sure how to quite put it, but it's horrible. It's not easy being with someone and doing so much with them for seven years and then poof! It's all gone. I hate being alone now. I don't think it's about bringing someone into this mess, it would be more like someone who is worthy of me saving me from this mess. I'm a good man who deserves a good woman, it's just not easy finding her.
westernxer Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 You have to focus on the long term, and refrain from comparing your fortunes to that of your ex. Probably tougher than it sounds at the moment, but if you dig deep, you should be in a lot better shape down the road. A good woman will come along, though it may take time.
visualbasicide Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I hear you ashes, I know exactly what you mean. The whole thing drains you constantly. It is a struggle to be sure, but it's one that gets better a little at a time. The last comment is correct though. Do NOT compare yourself to someone else like that. Someone that can do those things with little regard for someone else does whatever makes themselves happy. They are going to be right as rain as long as they are getting something they want out of the relationship. When the newness wears off, the characters of the two people start to show and alot of people then have to face their own demons because of what they have done. Just let it roll. Doesn't make you a bad person for caring either. Just shows how much you cared. Walking is good. Even if you force yourself. Doesn't seem like much but a little compared to nothing is a big leap. Dump your feelings here if you need to, it helps. I do sometimes, I keep a journal at home too so I can just get everything out. Just focus on you and don't compare yourself to anything or anyone else. The more you push on the better you will feel about yourself in the long run. Don't worry about the details and timeframes so much, they don't matter, just keep on going and it'll be alright.
visualbasicide Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I like the phoenix avatar by the way, very cool and meaningful.
Diatribes Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Maybe I need to get laid? I turned into a man-hoe after my ex left. The joy I get from one-night stands is temporary and made me feel lonely afterwards. It also made me miss my ex, who was fabulous in the sack. These other women just didn't cut the mustard. That said, I'm still a he-whore and will continue to be until I (If ever) find a girl to settle down a little bit with. F*ck the ex
visualbasicide Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I turned into a man-hoe after my ex left. The joy I get from one-night stands is temporary and made me feel lonely afterwards. It also made me miss my ex, who was fabulous in the sack. These other women just didn't cut the mustard. That said, I'm still a he-whore and will continue to be until I (If ever) find a girl to settle down a little bit with. F*ck the ex Sounds very fulfilling and while your out there earning a less than reputable reputation, what type of woman do you think would settle down with you? The type of people we are tend to be the type of people we attract. One might argue that they weren't like that before their relationship ended, but on the flip side, what were you both like before it started? Chances are there is some informative information to be had there. Then all you do is hurt yourself and the people you habitually take advantage of, even though they might be willing. It's all very circular behavior and doesn't sound like it solves anything other than the immediate needs you have, which, if our ex's hadn't done that to us, we wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Do not become something you hate. If you behave like your ex, then you are, in reality, no better than they are. Demand better from yourselves and you will obtain better for yourselves.
lovesickmonkey Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Ashes, I know that feeling in the stomach. It's dreadful. I was with my ex for 2 years and when you said you were with yours for 7 years my heart went out to you. It's been four months for me and I still feel like I'm going through shock. You go from always having somewhere to go, something to do, someone to talk to, someone to sleep with and then ... nothing. I don't think I'll be ready to date anyone until I'm out of love with the "imaginary person" I believed my ex to be. I feel that horrible pain in the stomach. The pain of anxiety, wondering where she is, what she's up to ... the pain of longing ... pain because you want everything to go back to the way it was. This just sucks and I look forward to feeling any way but this.
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