justagirrl Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I want to ask my "ex" if he can give me a chance to prove to him that I'm not clingy... Basically, we started seeing each other in december of this year and "dated" until may (never official). His reason for not wanting a relationship was school, he was a senior in college at the time and graduating in may...I was understanding and agreed to keep dating until he had more time to commit to a relationship. During this time, I developed a lot of feelings for him and started to push the relationship a little bit. Not because I didn't trust him, I just liked him so much that I wanted him to know I wanted him to be only mine. I think he started to perceive this as clingy being possessive, which wasn't my intention at all obviously. I learned that this is a huge turn off for guys. I know I should have stepped back when I noticed he didn't want a relationship when I wanted one, but I didn't about how i was in a sense pushing him away =/ We still talk frequently, and we even got together a few days ago...I didn't bring up anything about a "second chance" or anything, but I want to prove to him that I really am a great person to be in a relationship with. Since we were dating during school, we didn't really have time to go on any dates, so we hung out at each others houses. He's never gone anywhere with me like on a date or anything! I want to somehow do that because it would give us an opportunity to just talk and not lay down and cuddle... He really means a lot to me still...should I do this?
M2155 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Do NOT ask my "ex" if he can give me a chance to prove to him that I'm not clingy You said you hang out with him? Then just do that! Have fun and be flirty and unavailable sometimes but don't hook up with him. Prove it through your actions so he starts to feel less secure and chase you. But saying "hey, let me show you I'm not clingy" seems clingy!
Author justagirrl Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 well...I wasn't planning on saying "hey i wanna show you that I'm not clingy..." lol, but I want to go out somewhere and it seems like all we do is hang out at each others houses. And I'm usually the one who establishes the contact. I don't know if he would get the message that I want him to seriously give us a chance, I don't want him to take it as "I've already told her I don't want a relationship so she obviously just wants to have fun"...know what I mean? I don't know how to bring up something like that =/
M2155 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I've been there. You want to stop this ASAP or he will never change, no reason to. It really sucks but you have to stop initiating. If he never contacts you then you will know you should have let it go. I'm sure he will but it may take a while to get the hint. I had to do this to my ex once, took him over 3 weeks to finally realize something was different (but then I fell back into my old ways just when I had him). I'd say stop initiating stuff, he does not have to make any effort for you and that is a great way for them never to take you seriously. This happened with me and my ex. He told me we were "cool" and you can't get back the attraction after that. You want this guy to work for you;) If he asks you to come over say you're busy, how about he meet you at XYZ. Please please please for those of us who wish we had of broken this pattern, break this pattern:)
Author justagirrl Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Well, I basically broke it down to him tonight and I'm happy I did. I'm moving on completely...he's obviously going to be a friend of mine always because of everything we shared...good and bad, but I can't live like this anymore. I still love him and nothing is going to come of it, so I'm just stopping everything. He's leaving for california to be on american idol in november...we talked about seeing each other before he leaves, & I don't know if I should. It's going to be so painful and I'm trying to get over him. Maybe him leaving is the best thing that could happen in this situation.
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