ls32ssibm Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I'm meeting my ex for coffee tomorrow (we've been broken up since April 2008) so I can talk to her about my ex that just dumped me. She said she'd let me vent.
Author maylis Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I really try to make an effort with all of mine, my ex from 2 and a half years ago though it is impossible I guess. I hope your meet tomorrow goes well and sorry to hear you are going through another recent break up
M2155 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Yes but more on like, Facebook. I don't have many I'd be interested in calling up to chat except one. He doesn't live in my city and he loves to give me relationship advice..haha. We've definitely transitioned to just friends very successfully. But we also had the "best" breakup (i.e. even though I didn't initate it he told me his reasons and treated me kindly).
PositiveNegative Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 My ex told me I could be as involved in her life as possible. It's tempting to be friends with her, but I'm afraid of always wanting her...
Author maylis Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I don't know, for me I really prefer to be friends, it's just that our relationship wasn't what we originally thought. In time for me it has not been a problem to be friends with them. The one I mentioned above its a different circumstance where he is beyond verbally abusive and I tried for two and a half years after we broke up to be his friend and it continued even after we broke up. I figure I gave more than enough effort with this particular guy.
PositiveNegative Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Well, with these ex's were you usually the dumpee or the dumper?
Zaphod B Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I have three ex's. The previous one cut me off completely. The one before that I stopped contacting. We were going to remain friends but one time when I invited her and her kids out with me and my kids one time, we just had nothing to say to each other. We covered all the gossip on the drive to our destination, but after that we had nothing more to say. It wasn't so much an awkward silence, but just "What do you talk about with your ex?" I never contacted her again after that and she never contacted me. My first ex, my ex wife... well I'd say "friends" is a bit strong. On good terms with each other, yes, but mainly because we have to be for our kids sake. She wants to be all friendly and nice, but I'd rather not have to talk to her ever again because she irritates the hell out of me.
duckrepair Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 ... Only one guy I dated I occasionally talk to now. We were pals for about 6 years, didnt talk for awhile because of life, relocation etc... Then we dated about a half a year. Things blew up, and I couldn't bear to talk to him.... Then things cooled down and I still talk to him from time-to-time.... It definitely takes time to get OVER stuff. We still have great times but I feel odd off/on when i think about our little dating stint... I think it takes an incredibly grown-up, mature person to stay friends with the ex...
Author maylis Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Well, with these ex's were you usually the dumpee or the dumper? I have been the dumper in three situations, the rest I have been dumped. My most recent ex dumped me as well, it is so strange, with him I have been with the shortest and he is the only one I want to try to persue again. I guess because he didn't cheat on me, but really I have not felt such a connection with another person. He is scared to be in a relationship though. He said he 'hates himself that he can't be with me' whatever that means.. Whatever happens I will be friends with him too though, for me it feels better to adapt than to cut people out of my life completely. Very rarely do I do that to anyone.
LN99 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 My ex lives with me. Only for a few more months until he finds a place of his own. At least I get rent money. This is Probably one of the hardest things to do at first. Getting easier though and we were friends to begin with. That always helps. Just awkward at first.
Author maylis Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Being friends is one thing but living together is another! When I broke up with my ex of 5 years I had to get out of there IMMEDIATELY. I was staying at friends places until I got my own, but he was also stalking me and being very scary.
LN99 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Being friends is one thing but living together is another! When I broke up with my ex of 5 years I had to get out of there IMMEDIATELY. I was staying at friends places until I got my own, but he was also stalking me and being very scary. Yeah, it's not the easiest situation though. Trust me, I wish I had the place to myself. But I would lose the place if he wasn't here right now. Then I would be homeless. Not cool! So I have to grin and bear it. It sucks, but we live completely separate lives and he doesn't stalk me so it's all good.
Author maylis Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Does he have to stay for a long time? I'm glad he can be rational and a grown up about it.
LN99 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Proud to say we are civil. Not so civil with any of my other ex's.
LN99 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Does he have to stay for a long time? I'm glad he can be rational and a grown up about it. He has to stay until January. We have been broken up about 5 weeks now. It was VERY hard to even look at him at first. Now we just do our own thing and occasionally talk about other random stuff in general. I totally think we would have made better friends then anything else.
radiodarcy Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 nope. but i only have one ex. it's sad because we started out as friends. but too much has happened and -- to be honest he really didn't treat me like much of a friend most of the time anyway. so i don't see any point in bothering to try when he can't be bothered to either.
SillyS Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I have maintained civil and friendships with my exes. I think its important to have them in my life, because they provide me insight into myself that not too many people can give or have given me in my life. I'm friends with my other exes or guys I was into in the past. I skyped one of them after my break up, and cried for a few hours. He always says he was able to learn a lot about himself when he was with me, and that at the end of the day, having me in his life as a friend makes his life better as well. So he listened to me for a bit, bought me dinner and tried to comfort me. I have the best ex, total sweetheart.The other ex tried to plot murder with me! Just because you and this individual are not meant to be, doesn't mean we should burn every single ex bridge. We don't life so long that we can dispose of every single person we have come into contact with for the rest of our lives. Part of the long term goal is to forgive ourselves and them, and realize that they were in our lives for a reason and that we wish them the best even if they tried to hurt us or did hurt us deeply. At the same time, I won't force the process of being friends with my last ex. When I'm in a place where I can disconnect from him emotionally, then I will be okay to handling conversation with him. But I don't see myself getting to a place with this guy though, and that's something I'll have to come to terms with in my life.
ChelleBelle Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Yes, I sure am. He was a serial cheater. The father of my only child. He hurt me and I hated him so much for the pain he caused me. I went to councelling and got divorced. I backed off and took some space. I brought up our son but kept the door open for him to visit etc., He kept his promise to our son. I decided to be bigger than the situation (although murder did enter my thoughts on occasions) I hang on for our son and worked it through for the father and son relationship. After 5 years; yes, the pain has passed and we are friends. Good friends. But there had to be alot of forgiveness and time for both of us to heal. I giving and graceful, when I felt hurt and angry. In the end I won all the wars but still have the scars from the battles. At last, we are friends but not lovers and that is just fine.
CaliBabe Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Yes but only after several years and it is more of a facebook type thing. Nothing more than that.
fltc Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 My ex and I are sort of friends, we tried to be at least civil because of the children who are now grown.
Cavery5 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I am in the middle of a divorce and my wife and I are getting along pretty good. We have a one year old little girl together and we both agreed that we need to be friends and be honest with each other about everything so we can raise our child together and stress free. It can work, if you were friends before a relationship then you can be friends after.
shortee143 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I wonder if my ex and I will ever be friends. hmm. Right now, post breakup 6 months...I "hang" with him and his new gf (him and I are in teh same close knit crew). I am not sure when the time (may) come that I will forgive him for it, to be honest, not sure I wanna be friends with the person he has become. I envy those that can- but I def think there are always way too many variables that effect the post breakup friendship. It does stink if you are really close friends before hand, as I was with my ex...now, though, he could give a darn about me. Go figure...
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