tigressA Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Yes, that's also an option. It happens to be true, as well, but even if I wasn't seeing anyone else then I don't think I would want to see this particular woman again. But I don't plan on debating it with her, so the details don't really matter. Since it happens to be true, even more reason to use it. I haven't had a single "Why?" or other sort of confrontation after stating that reason. It's very easily accepted.
OriginalPenguin Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 All you have to do is politely decline and not give a reason. “Sorry I can’t” “Something came up and I can’t make it.” Then just stop calling. If you guys haven’t had sex and only shared a few dinners that’s probably the kindest thing. . There is nothing kind at all about just ignoring somebody. “I just don’t fancy you” sounds rather crude don’t you think? You’re not picking a color to paint your bathroom wall! No it's not crude at all, it is honest. Crude is just leaving somebody hanging, not returning calls and ignoring them. I think your way is very cowardly and childish.
2sure Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 If we have bothered to go on 2 or 3 dates together, it means we at least have enjoyed each others company enough to be curious. So... I say: You know what? I like you. Ive enjoyed your company. But I dont think we are made to be partners and we both have enough friends...lets call it a day. Seems to be effective without hurting a person's feelings, giving them hope, or wasting anyone's time. If I am pressed for details, I just laugh and tell him this isnt a used car sale.
grkBoy Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 When you've had 2 or 3 dates and you're just not feeling it enough for another date but they want to see you again, what's the nicest way you've found to let them down? I'm in this situation now, which is unusual because usually either they turn me down or it's fairly mutual and obvious to both of us that there's no point continuing. I'm looking to improve upon "i just don't fancy you" which, although true, seems rather brutal! Just be honest, but polite. "Hey...I don't think we should see each other anymore like that. I gave it a few dates to make sure, but I'll be honest...I'm just not feeling anything between us. I'm sorry." If they can't handle it, cause drama, ask you 1000 questions "why" or try to convince you to give it another shot, then that's their problem...not yours. The truth will set you free. The trick is to be polite about it.
Author oaks Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Just be honest, but polite. Yes, that's my intention. I went with something along the lines of 'no spark'. Meanwhile I have another first date tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it.
grkBoy Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Yes, that's my intention. I went with something along the lines of 'no spark'. Meanwhile I have another first date tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it. I had a girl tell me that once...that we went out a few times, made out even, but she told me she felt no sparks with me. Plus she mentioned reconnecting recently with an ex-boyfriend (they broke up long ago because she moved away for a while). At that point I was ready to politely step aside, as my mind and instincts knew that she didn't feel a spark with me because she wants her ex back. However she went all crazy trying to convince me not to give up on us, as she was "not sure" what she wanted. I was a fool to stay...because a week later she "vanished"...meaning she stopped taking my calls, calling me back, etc. I blame myself for staying, but I did find it irritating that she pushes me so not "give up on us" then she pulls this flaky crap. Needless to say she's still single...I know it sounds petty, but I take a little solace in the ones who pulled this crap and see they still haven't found their Mr Perfect.
Dust Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Since it happens to be true, even more reason to use it. I haven't had a single "Why?" or other sort of confrontation after stating that reason. It's very easily accepted. Cause he’s not a nice guy. Which is silly. That’s why he has to post to ask how to be nice and then argue every ones advice. He simply has to confront her and let her know in the “nicest” way possible that him and her are never going to happen. It’s not polite. There is nothing kind at all about just ignoring somebody. No it's not crude at all, it is honest. Crude is just leaving somebody hanging, not returning calls and ignoring them. I think your way is very cowardly and childish. I think your way is looking for a reaction and that’s childish and cowardly. To be so narcissistic you think you have explain to people you just aren’t into them. To think you couldn’t try to spare their dignity by simply turning down their invitation or suggesting you were into some one else like others suggested. No your way is confrontational and there for very immature and cowardly.
Zaphod B Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 People here have come up with some good suggestions. I was in a situation where I was dating a woman and at first there was real chemistry. We'd had sex a few times and slept together a couple of nights, but after a few weeks the spark died. I sat her down and told her that. Ended up she agreed, so we both parted ways amicably. Even saw each other in a bar a couple of weeks later and chatted for a couple of minutes. It was all cool.
Author oaks Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Update: well, apparently I'm a nice guy and she wants to be friends!
AHardDaysNight Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Update: well, apparently I'm a nice guy and she wants to be friends! Ouch! Sorry dude.
OriginalPenguin Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I think your way is looking for a reaction and that’s childish and cowardly. To be so narcissistic you think you have explain to people you just aren’t into them. To think you couldn’t try to spare their dignity by simply turning down their invitation or suggesting you were into some one else like others suggested. No your way is confrontational and there for very immature and cowardly. So to summarize, your way: ignore calls, be vague, don't give any explanation, leave them wondering what just happened = acceptable. My way: be honest and up front, don't beat around the bush and play games = immature and cowardly. Gotcha.
Author oaks Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Ouch! Sorry dude. No, it's not ouch. I told her I didn't want to date her. Ok, so I don't especially want to make friends with her either (I'm bad enough at keeping in touch with the friends I have already), but no harm in her asking.
ScienceGal Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 No, it's not ouch. I told her I didn't want to date her. Ok, so I don't especially want to make friends with her either (I'm bad enough at keeping in touch with the friends I have already), but no harm in her asking. I want to make new friends. But, I don't think many men want to be friend zoned.
Author oaks Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I want to make new friends. But, I don't think many men want to be friend zoned. If you do it via online dating, you can express this directly or indirectly in your profile. (Ok, so some guys don't believe what you write or don't read and just drool at the photos.) I'll make friends with the right people, which probably means some shared interests, and I don't see it as being "friend zoned" in that I would approach that as looking for friends rather than as looking for a date.
Dust Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 So to summarize, your way: ignore calls, be vague, don't give any explanation, leave them wondering what just happened = acceptable. My way: be honest and up front, don't beat around the bush and play games = immature and cowardly. Gotcha. I consider your way rude and confrontational. Nothing dishonest about not doing things “your way.” I also consider the comments you’ve made toward me on here rude so its no surprise.
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