Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Got an email from her today. I read it. I told myself I wouldn't, but the subject line alluded to stuff of mine that she put in storage. I'm not going to go down and get it. I don't care anymore. I feel like crying. Screaming. I've punched the walls and I'm simply seething. Oh, I'm wonderful. She's really deconstructed what went wrong. No, she's not coming back, and she loves me - believe it or not. If this is how you treat someone you love, why couldn't you just be indifferent. Why couldn't you just leave me alone? Not the bundle of self-possession I normally feel like I am. Not back at square one... but I'm hurt pretty bad right now. Pretty bad.
Author Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Come on, you dogs. Let's hear you bay and bark.
BlindRage Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 You give great advice. I think you'll be able to put your pokerface on when you're there with her. Good luck and tell us what happens.
Author Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 (edited) HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA It's incredible how fragile stability really is. Thank you, thank you, thank you. What would I do without this pain and this regret and all of this suffering? I'll grind your bones into dust. Edited September 5, 2011 by Nohbody Not you, Blindrage.
ScienceGal Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I have always supported the notion of an internal locus of control, meaning that what happens to me is most likely due to me, and the choices I have made. In the case of an ex making contact though, I must jump to the other school of thought, the external locus of control. This was in no way avoidable. And you would have had a bad night whether you had read it or not. What an incredibly thoughtless and selfish woman she is for emailing you. I am sorry you're being affected by her. Even being full of emotion, by not responding and not going to get your things you are showing great strength. You're making the right choice and bringing that locus of control back to yourself. This is just a setback. Perhaps you should block her email account so that she can't make further contact.
Author Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Ahhhhhh........ drinking + Medication + veteran crisis hotline = Sciencegal, have you read "The Resiliency Advantage"? They talk about loci of control, and how in order to be super resilient you must be comfortable with acknowledging that the locus can shift from internal to external, and that too much of one or the other is less than ideal. I started reading it as part of the PTSD treatment program Trunksomethingsomething, Why yes, I can!
Author Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Relax Nobody That's Nohbody :lmao::confused:
shayla Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Like the song says, "I hate this part right here." I have never understood how dumpers poke us with a stick just when we are almost over them.
ScienceGal Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Sciencegal, have you read "The Resiliency Advantage"? No, I have not, but I will look into it. I have pent up a lot of anger and frustration over not being able to control situations and accepting that things are not my fault. I really feel that 99.9% of everything that happens to me is because of me. So, I always try to figure out what I need to do. But, sometimes the right thing to do is nothing. That kills me inside. It's quite a thing to loosen that grip and let go... but that's the only way the rope burn can heal
Author Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I'm already way too intoxicated to understand your allusion. I will have to try later. Now it's time to go find someone and play jiu jitsu with them.
ScienceGal Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I'm already way too intoxicated to understand your allusion. I will have to try later. Now it's time to go find someone and play jiu jitsu with them. tug of war
lymtal1 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 nohbody, i am sorry you had this happen. i have been reading your posts for several months and you know what i think you would have said in this situation? something like we all make mistakes and have to pick ourselves up and get control back. yes it is very painful and you need to use this pain to heal. then you might suggest to block and get back to n/c now. you would be right. i also just let myself down over the weelend by breaking n/c and seething about it. i did a bunch of crying as well and i had not since i went n/c 5 weeks ago. we know that this is the only way we will get through this. give yourself a break as i would be willing to bet that about 99% of us would have done the exact same thing. we are all trying to do the best we can. so if i may, and i do so with all due respect, she is not worth the time you are wasting being upset. let her go and get moving back to where you were before you read the email. nothing has changed since before you read it. but you already know that. i really do respect you for how much you help out here. things will be fine. they have to be.
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Nohbody, You are a very hard man to love from what I've gotten from you ! She has lit a spark in front of you ! So play it cool as you would have it ! I think a fight is on !! I can't give you my advice because I'm to crushed by my EX and his GF. All I see is she is back and she doesn't have a Boy- friend. Stir the merky waters up. Good Luck. You have to meet her ! Be strong ! Queen of Hearts 10
Author Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Queen of hearts, I'm a fool who does not suffer fools. lymta1, control is for tomorrow. Tonight is for dance. And revelry, and all the things and seems that are but dreams within dreams. That's called paraphrasing. i'll fight anyone who says different.
Graceful Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Your ex is a dimwit. Just like mine. We have that in common. I have no words of wisdom for you tonight other than saying that there is no turning back after someone hurts you. None. And you can do better. (gracefully bats eyelashes) Now go pour me a cold one and let's get hammered.
visualbasicide Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 man don't even worry about the stuff, can it really be worth it? I'd give up everything I own to trade in memories I don't want. I understand how easy it is to fall into it though. Like bugs in the zapper. Can't resist, zap. I remember when there was a time I actually wanted some of my stuff. It was, after all, mine and there were "principals" involved. I don't even miss the stuff now. Can't really remember what most of it was not actually. It's just not worth it man. Put that email address in the spam filter.
Author Nohbody Posted September 6, 2011 Author Posted September 6, 2011 Your ex is a dimwit. Just like mine. We have that in common. I have no words of wisdom for you tonight other than saying that there is no turning back after someone hurts you. None. And you can do better. (gracefully bats eyelashes) Now go pour me a cold one and let's get hammered. you are my kinda gal - and some kind of wonderful
Recommended Posts