lucylou71 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I'm so pissed off at myself right now. I text him after one week. You see, I was sitting here thinking about how long my H and the OW have been having an affair. He told me it started last fall,but curiosity got the better of me and checked an old cell phone bill and it turns out it all began in July. I told him"cell phone bills don't lie,but you do". I also wrote "I don't know how you can look your family in the eye,and sleep at night". I also said a few more things that I'm not proud of. Why did I do it? Ugh I feel like I just set myself back. I want to stop being so angry all the time. I just end up feeling bad and regretful when I do this. He just ends up not responding,or in this case when I asked "what no response?" He says "no response because there is nothing I can say". Well, now I'm back to square one again. Does anyone have any advice?
Mcnulty Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Don't be so hard on yourself, you have every right to confront him about his lies. It's part of the healing/acknowledging the end of something. Please hold your head up high.
usabup Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Hi, listen we all go through this stage. The anger stage. Where we want to call them out on everything and get it all of our chest. I did it. Even after everyone told me not too. I wrote a long e-mail to my ex basically telling her I deserved better. Did me make me look silly? Probably. Did she care about what I had to say? Probably not. Do I regret it? Not for one second. I think everybody is different and I needed to get everything out that I wanted to say. Also, her lack if reply forced me to accept that she didn't care and was never coming back. Don't feel bad, but also, don't hold on to the anger. Let it all out, but then let it all go.
M2155 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I know how you feel about being angry. It made me feel a little better the one time I got to let a little bit out but there is always "more" you want to say, at least I do. There really is nothing they can say though, they know they are wrong. They can't take it back. They just want it to go away (which we do eventually) and I can only imagine guilt or memories come back to haunt them later. Try to get rid of his number, I did. He knows how to contact you if he wants to. He probably will in time.
Author lucylou71 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 AAhh thanks everybody I actually feel better knowing I'm not alone with all of this anger and these feelings. Gotta remember to take it one day at a time. And breath.
Fossil Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Reality hits, everyone has a little or a lot to suggest or actually telling you what you should and shouldn't do. When it comes time to make that decision of what to do or what to say, there are several things you should take into thought; How many offences are against him? (her) How often does the proof of a lie appear. How evedent is it that this has been going on by choice. How important is this relationship to me. What will I forgive to try to keep this relationship. Can I forgive this act of infidelity? How do I feel he or she feels about our relationship. By all means, you have your rights to feel the way you want to feel about it, but that does not warrant you the authority or rights to do it. Remember you still have you to think about. Give yourself your very best, because it is hard to find someonelse to do that for you. Keep a leavel head and don't repeat their mistakes in your anger or rage. You can get through this without nastying yourself up. If there is love there, the best part of breaking up is making up. You Can Do This. Pray for guidance, Fossil
Nohbody Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Don't do it again. They deserve nothing. Not mercy, not quarter, not commitment nor even your pain. They deserve nothing. Desolation. Let them have their desolation.
Author lucylou71 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Unfortunately I didn't have a choice in how our relationship was to play out. When I found out that he had not ended the affair,he denied it even when I had evidence in my hand,he told me "I don't want to be married to you anymore,I don't want to work on this marriage,and I don't want to be in debt anymore. I'll get my things and going to my mom's". I'm angry because I feel like I never had a chance. He walked out on us a year ago,that's when he said the affair had begun. He took the easy way out(his words). I'm in therapy though and my counselor says anger is normal,as long as I don't go after him with a knife or something like that lol. I'm just wondering how long does this stage last? Is this something I just have to work through?
ConfusedT Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 i agree. just start over. dont think of it as a failure per se, think of it as a mistake and just begin again. as i said before NC is as helpful as you are to yourself. So if you are not actively trying to refocus your energy and attention, it's true benefits are not going to be as obvious. You can count the days if you want, but just count the progress in yourself!!
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