Alabama277 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I was in a relationship with a guy for a little over four years. Basically throughout our teens and early 20's. I had been experiencing symptoms of GIGS because we were so young, but loved him enough to rather be with him than anyone else. We got stuck in a rut of fighting and after a massive blow up, I ended things because I felt that he needed to take me more seriously and to see if we were actually right for each other. Two weeks later, I freaked out and felt that I made a huge mistake. When I went back to talk to him, he was very unsure about getting back together even though he had told me a week before he would easily get back with me if I wanted to. We tried for a week and everything seemed perfect, until he called me out of the blue and told me that it wasn't me, it was him. And he needed time to "find himself" and to let him go forever. I did as I was told and deleted him from my phone and mourned for two months. (Although he would message me randomly every few weeks with small talk that I did not really respond to.) When I finally reached a point where I was done crying over him and started being happy again, two months after our break up, he called me begging me to take him back. He told me that he realized he messed up and that he loved me and wanted to marry me. I told him that I was not sure I wanted to get emotionally involved again since he had hurt me so bad and that it was too soon. He messaged me for days saying that he would wait for me because that he loved me. We started hanging out again and everything was back to normal. But he told me he wanted to take things slow and not to "rush" our relationship in fears that it would fall apart again. I was confused on not wanting to be fully back since we had dated for four years. Then, I found out that he had been sleeping with another girl during our break up. He told me all of the details and told me that it was not emotional, and he was just being "a single guy". I told him that in order for me to fully heal from this I needed him to be with me 100%, and I needed to see some effort from his part. A day later he told me that he could not be with me fully because he was still working on himself, and that things happened too fast and he needed to sort things out. He said that he loved me and only wanted to be with me, but was still unsure if we were right for each other. He said he is uninterested in other girls and does not want to meet anyone else because he wants to marry me and have a life with me, but feels that he needs his time right now. He promised me that if we were to slowly date again, there would definitely be no other girls in the picture but could not fully be in a serious relationship with me because he had to work on himself. After a long, confusing conversation full of tears, I told him that he was being unfair and should never had called me to come back. He said that he did not want to lose me and let me go any longer, but was still not finished working on himself. I told him that he could not keep me on the sides, and that I would have to continue moving on with my life. He told me that he wanted me, and that I mean everything to him, but he was scared to commit again. I told him that I don't deserve to be treated this way and that I wanted to find someone who wants to be with me all of the time, not when it's convenient for him. And that I hope he sorts his head out but I couldn't promise I would still be around when he figures this out. He said that it sucked but he understood. Did he just try to play me? And if so, how could he do that after being with me for four years? Also, the marriage talk was what made me think he was serious, but how is it that he could say those things but still be "unsure" if we were right for each other?
wilsonx Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 A couple lessons here, #1 don't ever end a relationship just because your mad and want him to take you seriously. Breaking up with someone out of anger is completely ridiculous and look what happened you regretted it. Actually you are wrong on the healing part. In order for you to heal, you have to treat the relationship as it is over which it is. You can't heal with him sleeping with someone else and then coming back to you. What you don't realize is if he does come back to you this will eat at you for the rest of the relationship. Him sleeping with someone else while on a break or a single guy. It will. Ask yourself a question and think about it, "Does it hurt that he slept with someone while you were on a break?" Oh I know the answer to this. The only way to truly get over this is to treat the relationship like it is over. If you do get back together with him, the relationship will be TOXIC. I will tell you, if you think you are getting played, listen to yourself because you are. No matter what he tells you, if YOUR instincts are telling you you are getting played, then you are. From experience and the 100394859s of like posts on this forum, you are getting played. He is trying to have his cake and eat it too.
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