Viking Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Last night, my GF and I skyped for the first time since she left on the 25th. I have been doing fine, actually, a little bit of anxiety and maybe slightly depressed, but I am OK compared to what I thought I would be. Anyway, I did not act like everything was fine on skype. I feel like I acted needy and all I could talk about was when we were going to talk next. I asked a couple times, but she doesn't know her schedule well as she just started school yesterday. Any tips on being less anxious/down and out? I'd appreciate it, especially on anxiety. Thanks.
lesoiseaux Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Sometimes I do that too. I try to remind myself that a) it's annoying to my SO and b) I can only Skype with him for a certain amount of time, so I shouldn't waste it worrying. We should be talking about other things instead!
folieadeux Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Honestly, I find it quite refreshing to see the guy expressing his emotions like this. Obviously you don't want to be bogging the conversation down all the time, but it is nice to hear the other side of the story. When I first entered my LDR, I would take it personally that my SO was never a mess like I was at the airport. I know now that this doesn't mean that he didn't care as much as I do; people just express themselves differently and I think men (from my experience) feel that they have to be the strong ones all the time. I agree with the poster above me. Since she isn't sure of her schedule yet and you can't yet plan a next visit, just enjoy the time you do have together right now and keep busy with activities of your own.
Author Viking Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Sometimes I do that too. I try to remind myself that a) it's annoying to my SO and b) I can only Skype with him for a certain amount of time, so I shouldn't waste it worrying. We should be talking about other things instead! Yes, I agree, less time trying to figure out when we can talk next and more time talking with each other. I think it annoyed her because she doesn't know her schedule, she's told me this and I was just too excited to see her, that I wasn't really paying attention... I spend a lot of my time worrying about dumb stuff, especially now that she is gone. I guess one of my main concerns is fidelity and since I am the one who got left behind, I have no control over what is happening. Even though she has said that I have nothing to worry about, sometimes I feel like I might not be exciting or as interesting as the other foreigners she is studying with. Honestly, I find it quite refreshing to see the guy expressing his emotions like this. Obviously you don't want to be bogging the conversation down all the time, but it is nice to hear the other side of the story. When I first entered my LDR, I would take it personally that my SO was never a mess like I was at the airport. I know now that this doesn't mean that he didn't care as much as I do; people just express themselves differently and I think men (from my experience) feel that they have to be the strong ones all the time. I agree with the poster above me. Since she isn't sure of her schedule yet and you can't yet plan a next visit, just enjoy the time you do have together right now and keep busy with activities of your own. I feel like I express myself more than my SO does, so that makes me feel like there is a disconnect/vulnerability on my part. I bugs me sometimes, but then I remember what she has told me in the past (that she does love me, and thinks about me, but doesn't need daily contact and that it doesn't mean she doesn't love me any less), how she was at the airport (crying a lot and telling me that she loves me and is looking forward to me going to meet her in Taiwan), and having texted me while on the plane saying I might have to come over early... Honestly, my girlfriend is emotionally taxing. She has done things in the past that have made it hard to trust her sometimes, especially a few months ago, so her going to a foreign country means I REALLY have to trust her. As far as men needing to be the strong ones, I think there are a couple different groups. Those who feel like the MUST be meatheads and not express any emotion. Those who are kind of in between, and then those who are just dripping emotion. The meatheads are the ones that some girls swoon over because they are mysterious and dark and whatever else. The ones in between are usually regular guys, not so mysterious and whatnot. Then the ones dripping in emotion are just too emotional for most women. What my biggest concern is, is feeling like when I get there I will be disrupting something that has been fun for her and she will resent my presence. I want this relationship to work out and continue past our time in Taiwan. That is one of the reasons I am even considering going there. I just wish I received more communication from her while we are apart. The independence can be lonely.
folieadeux Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Communication styles vary by couple so it's totally normal to have that disparity; you just have to work on a happy medium that works for everyone. After elaborating on your situation though, it sounds like there's more going on here than the usual fears of sounding needy and missing her more than she misses you based upon expression. I'm in no way asking you to divulge that information but it sounds like this won't be resolved completely until the trust issues are first.
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