nea clementine Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I read it often in LS where some posters feel sad because the exes aren't even trying to get in touch once they (posters) start NC. They wonder and analyse why that is; don't they care? Don't they miss me? Have they gotten over me so quickly? I know it sounds really cliche, and this is definitely NOT what you want to hear, but believe me when I say that it's a good thing they don't even try to contact you. You may think, or feel, that a little contact from them can do no harm. But take it from me, it will only keep you attached. Remember the mantra: out of sight (ear?), out of mind. Same goes for NC. Unless you are planning on getting back together, the only way out of the post-breakup limbo is by staying NC. It doesn't really matter who's contacting whom first. In my experience, any contact of any kind in the past has kept me hanging to the thinnest hope that maybe, maybe, the ex wanted me back...when in fact, he'd made it very clear that he wanted out. A very wise friend once quoted that letting go is hope, holding on is attachment. If you claim that you really, truly love them and, more importantly, love yourself, give both of you some space to get over each other and mourn the breakup. Don't hold on to the "what if he's not contacting me because he's waiting for me to initiate?" Let go of all the what-ifs and maybes, and detach yourself from that kind of thinking. Be patient with your heart, it is a slow learner. After all, grieving knows no limit. Do not be afraid to start, and stay NC. As Dylan McKay said it, "May the bridges I burn light the way." Keep walking. Follow the light. Forget crumbs. P.S. I'm 11-month NC
Thieves Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Very good post, Ms. Nea Clementine! Really brings in all the things I've been thinking into perspective. Part of me keeps telling myself that I want him to contact me, for him to just tell me he cares. But do I really? What for? So he can tell me he cares... and also tell me how great his life/girlfriend is? For me to become even more hurt? Because 9 times out of 10, that's what would happen. Hell, that's what happened the last 2 times! Nuh uh. Steering clear of that this time. I do still have bad days, but that's probably because I've never gone full on NC for a long period of time. So it comes with the territory. With every time I've wanted to reach out and send him an email/IM/anything, I've waited patiently and have been SO GLAD THAT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. Sooo proud of myself, glad I stuck to my guns. You can take back something you haven't sent out yet, but not vice versa. Thank god. Over 7 months NC for me, and feeling mostly okay about it. The dawn is slowly on its way. I can feel it.
TragicAlliance Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Sadly I see that NC is truly the only thing that heals you. I've spent the day waiting for and trying to get in touch with my "boyfriend," and he hasn't bothered replying to a single one. So I finally sent him one telling him he's lost me... still no response, and I'm finding out that I feel better that he HASN'T bothered. I figure he'll eventually try to come around to me, and I figure I'll say my piece... but then I hope I'm strong enough to go "Hey, remember how you felt when you weren't getting those messages? You CAN get on without him. Now do it, damnit!" I have never gone NC with him before and I've always been the one to crawl back first... this is probably why I've been treated like crap for so long. But no more. If I'm not worth his time, he will no longer be worth mine. I guess you could say either today or tomorrow will be Day One of NC for me...
pandora_be Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 What for? So he can tell me he cares... and also tell me how great his life/girlfriend is? I agree, the only reason for an ex to break NC would be if they wanted us back or otherwise it is just to make them feel better that they are not that bad by ignoring us forever after the 'beautiful memories' we shared. Especially if they broke up and you sended one last text or did one last call. I once heard, the rock should be on the dumper's roof and stay there, it can stay there only by maintaining NC. If your ex tries to contact you, stay NC, then the rock will keep getting bigger and bigger. Unless you want her back as well and you are sure she wants the same, then you can start by removing that rock by letting her get to you. But that's only possible if at the start you don't want anything with her anymore. It's a strange world Personally whether my ex is screwing around with guys at parties, hanging out gossiping and baking cakes with 'the girls' or adoring one guy in particular... I don't think any of it would make me feel better (except maybe that she would have found out she's as lesbian or something). Fact remains she didn't want to be with me anymore and put in effort because she doesn't feels attracted to me and all the other stuff is better. (Our last intimate moment is about 10 weeks ago and official break-up like 3 weeks; NC 2 weeks.)
2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Kina agree with this, my ex never did get back, not once, and really I can't see any reason for her too anyway. If she did then really what would I be expecting some great new RL pfff aint gonna happen - what we all have to remember is that if they wanted you they wouldn't be ignoring you and moving on - it really is that simple. I'm actually glad we have had this detachment and as much as it has been painful and as much as I think about her every day I know deep down I have avoided a real bullet with this one. I also put my hands up and admit a lot of mistakes were mine but this doesn't matter now, I have lived, I have learnt and now I must keep moving on, little by little I think things do get better in time and one day I will not even think about her. I also know she probably doesn't think about me at all by now, in fact if she does it'll be "eeeyyuck" she'll be thinking and that might be a good thing in a way. 2011
pandora_be Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 I also put my hands up and admit a lot of mistakes were mine but this doesn't matter now If someone's right for you and loves you, you can learn from your mistakes and she will help you improve and maintain the good relationship. If not, then the only mistake you can make is forcing to suit yourself to fit in the relation and because you're not yourself, you will keep making small mistakes until she looses interest in you.
LelouchIsZero Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 If someone's right for you and loves you, you can learn from your mistakes and she will help you improve and maintain the good relationship. If not, then the only mistake you can make is forcing to suit yourself to fit in the relation and because you're not yourself, you will keep making small mistakes until she looses interest in you. That's a nice way to look at things, though not to shift the topic onto me or anything, but I think I was making that said mistake. Ah well, lesson learned I guess.
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