bluenightowl Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 This is for men of LS. Guys, lets say you are dating a beautiful and attractive woman. Been on several dates. She is horny and she wants YOU. Ultimately you want a LTR. Would you : 1) have sex with her and then move on knowing rebounds never work out (and she's likely having sex with other guys) 2) don't have sex with her and tell her you're looking for LTR, want to be exclusive before sex and to call me when you're got your head back on straight 3) have sex with her and keep dating hoping things work out If you feel up to it, give us a hint of your age - youngish, olderish
Sazerac Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I would lean more toward #2, although I probably wouldn't be so blunt as to imply that her head wasn't on straight in the first place. I know that giving "negs" is supposed to be the modern way of guys getting into girls pants but that's just a complete turnoff for me--won't go there.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I would lean more toward #2, although I probably wouldn't be so blunt as to imply that her head wasn't on straight in the first place. I know that giving "negs" is supposed to be the modern way of guys getting into girls pants but that's just a complete turnoff for me--won't go there. 'negs' meaning the PUA style of putting her down to make her want you more? If so, I completely agree with you whether its works or not.
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 "2) don't have sex with her and tell her you're looking for LTR, want to be exclusive before sex and to call me when you're got your head back on straight" Though I wouldn't phrase it like that. 'I enjoyed being married and would like to be married again someday. What I'm hearing from you sounds like you're not quite in that place, meaning open to a healthy LTR. You seem like a wonderful lady but it seems that the timing is just off for us. How do you feel about that?' Age under avatar
Author bluenightowl Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 "2) don't have sex with her and tell her you're looking for LTR, want to be exclusive before sex and to call me when you're got your head back on straight" Though I wouldn't phrase it like that. 'I enjoyed being married and would like to be married again someday. What I'm hearing from you sounds like you're not quite in that place, meaning open to a healthy LTR. You seem like a wonderful lady but it seems that the timing is just off for us. How do you feel about that?' Age under avatar This sounds like a good reply, but sometimes adding that sexual spark can change they way people feel about each and might even be the tipping point towards a relationship.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 This is for men of LS. Guys, lets say you are dating a beautiful and attractive woman. Been on several dates. She is horny and she wants YOU. Ultimately you want a LTR. Would you : 1) have sex with her and then move on knowing rebounds never work out (and she's likely having sex with other guys) 2) don't have sex with her and tell her you're looking for LTR, want to be exclusive before sex and to call me when you're got your head back on straight 3) have sex with her and keep dating hoping things work out If you feel up to it, give us a hint of your age - youngish, olderish Let me add one more scenario. 4) Have sex (knowing she is dating other guys) and talk about it afterwards to see if you are both ready and still want to be exclusive, and if not, then take a break.
Woggle Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I would tell her that we should just keep it light right now and when she is fully recovered maybe she can give me a call. I would not have sex with her because that would be taking advantage.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 I would tell her that we should just keep it light right now and when she is fully recovered maybe she can give me a call. I would not have sex with her because that would be taking advantage. taking advantage of her I think you mean right? Ironically its usually the reboundee that often gets hurt when the rebounder performs the next guy act.
Woggle Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 taking advantage of her I think you mean right? Ironically its usually the reboundee that often gets hurt when the rebounder performs the next guy act. That is what I meant. Both of you can get hurt from this so it is best to just keep it at a friendship level for now.
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 This sounds like a good reply, but sometimes adding that sexual spark can change they way people feel about each and might even be the tipping point towards a relationship. IMO, if the timing is obviously wrong, there's no need to travel down the 'sexual spark' road. This dynamic is what annoys me about the MW's who hit on me. They know they're married yet they play sexual games with another man, even if just 'play'. Same with rebounders. Go find a guy who'll fµck a lamppost; don't bother me. Thanks
Author bluenightowl Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 That is what I meant. Both of you can get hurt from this so it is best to just keep it at a friendship level for now. Woggle - good advice. Just curious, how a woman might react if you said that? Would she jump ship and go off and have sex with another guy? Would you care?
Woggle Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Woggle - good advice. Just curious, how a woman might react if you said that? Would she jump ship and go off and have sex with another guy? Would you care? If she does then move on with your life.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 IMO, if the timing is obviously wrong, there's no need to travel down the 'sexual spark' road. This dynamic is what annoys me about the MW's who hit on me. They know they're married yet they play sexual games with another man, even if just 'play'. Same with rebounders. Go find a guy who'll fµck a lamppost; don't bother me. Thanks Do you think this is why you hear about rebounders hooking up with other rebounders a lot? - its hard to damage the damaged and they can't scare each other off, since they are too scared to commit to anything but sex.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 IMO, if the timing is obviously wrong, there's no need to travel down the 'sexual spark' road. This dynamic is what annoys me about the MW's who hit on me. They know they're married yet they play sexual games with another man, even if just 'play'. Same with rebounders. Go find a guy who'll fµck a lamppost; don't bother me. Thanks Perhaps my title of this post isn't sexy enough, I was hoping there are some men who might choose sex. Ladies take note! Not all men just want sex.
East7 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 (edited) IME, it depends if they are the dumper or the dumpee. The dumpee women has a damaged self esteem and will be attracted to guys that stay cool and distant or even reject them. On the other side they will be desinterested on "good guys". The dumper will have more self-esteem but she tempts to be a player and multi-dater. They come from failed relationships that they hated and the last thing they want is a LTR. What these women confess to their girlfriends is often "I just want to have fun and enjoy men". So before you make a move, make sure who finished the relationship. #1 if your intention is just to have fun #3 if you hope something for the future. #2 is the best way to be friend-zoned. Edited September 5, 2011 by East7
carhill Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Personally, I'd prefer the 'no friend' zone with someone who doesn't have the emotional stability and presence of mind to process their pain alone rather than involving other people in that vortex. So, yeah, #2 is exactly where I want to be, except she ain't no friend.
East7 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Any choice depends on the goal fixed at the beginning: LTR or fun. The person who dates a rebounding woman knows exactly the situation. She is a risky investment that anyone is free to judge how worth it is. I respect #2 for those who are sure to want all or nothing.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 IME, it depends if they are the dumper or the dumpee. The dumpee women has a damaged self esteem and will be attracted to guys that stay cool and distant or even reject them. On the other side they will be desinterested on "good guys". The dumper will have more self-esteem but she tempts to be a player and multi-dater. They come from failed relationships that they hated and the last thing they want is a LTR. What these women confess to their girlfriends is often "I just want to have fun and enjoy men". So before you make a move, make sure who finished the relationship. #1 if your intention is just to have fun #3 if you hope something for the future. #2 is the best way to be friend-zoned. I agree with #2. I think #2 is more about being no-zoned for both parties are carhill mentioned , but its a also a rejection because the person dating the rebounder is saying I like you, but its not going to work out right now. I don't think its an ultimatum because its not a question as much as a statement that now is not the time to date. Is it attractive to her? My guess is yes but I'm not a woman to know, and of course in this scenario the strategy is more about self-preservation than any form of making yourself attractive. So in your scenario of how a dumpee behaves, I imagine you might also choose #2. Its about as distant, rejecting and cool as you can get. --- As for the dumper looking for fun and who has more self-esteem I agree with you. Not sure though if #3 works if you are looking for something in the future. Why would you say that?
Author bluenightowl Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Exactly. Well said. Especially if the woman is already seeing other people. That's even more reason for the man to be on point with his desires. Indeed - In #3 you know she is dating other men, you know she's horny and wants sex, you know she is on the rebound, and you're not asking for anything but her time and having fun sex. In the fun scenario, this seems fine. In LTR scenario it seems a very weak position to be in, and if she already told you she is dating other people and you were okay with that, it seems to me, it lets her do as she wishes while you wait and hope she picks you while her emotions bounce around hot and cold towards you. If she is a dumpee then this seems like a "good guy" or doormat behaviour. The fun guy is different because it will show that he just doesn't care about her more than casual sex. Oddly though, I think the fun guy and the rebounder in this scenario could very well enter into a LTR eventually, because they'll both not really care if they do or not.
Author bluenightowl Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 Any choice depends on the goal fixed at the beginning: LTR or fun. The person who dates a rebounding woman knows exactly the situation. She is a risky investment that anyone is free to judge how worth it is. I respect #2 for those who are sure to want all or nothing. East7, you something else before which I thought was excellent. "eroded self-esteem is a consequence not the cause." In this case, dating a rebounder if you want a LTR and not asserting yourself could very well result in eroded self-esteem as a consequence. Again, unless you are terribly guarded or are a rebounder yourself, not much fun to be taken on a ride like that.
samphs Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 As a girl who is currently seeing a "rebound" I don't think this is that easy, I just came out of a 2 year relationship and the guy Im seeing right now is very nice and I don't know where it is going just yet... but girls are not that clear cut, I know another girl who is seeing like 2 guys at this time as her "recounds", I am only seeing this one guy and I don't plan on seeing anyone else. I think it depends on the girl, keep in mind dumpees in relationships may have been great girls with awful guys or vice versa, so you need to figure this out first.
Author bluenightowl Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 As a girl who is currently seeing a "rebound" I don't think this is that easy, I just came out of a 2 year relationship and the guy Im seeing right now is very nice and I don't know where it is going just yet... but girls are not that clear cut, I know another girl who is seeing like 2 guys at this time as her "recounds", I am only seeing this one guy and I don't plan on seeing anyone else. I think it depends on the girl, keep in mind dumpees in relationships may have been great girls with awful guys or vice versa, so you need to figure this out first. I agree with you. When you are a rebounder its not that clear is it. Whether you are dating one or two guys doesn't really matter as much as your emotional health. Its not so much about where its going, but about where you are at? Are you ready, do you want him to heal yourself, or do you really want a relationship. What's he looking for. I would just keep tabs on that and his interest level in you or else like your friends who is dating two guys.. she's likely out to have fun and heal, but he might just be passing by.
samphs Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Yeah as I said it is not clear cut, I feel like girls should be more honest about the fact that if they just came out of a long relationship they are probably not sure of what they want or what is best, post-breakup is a tricky time... My could have been called a "rebound" actually but he ended up being the love of my life, so who knows right?
Author bluenightowl Posted October 5, 2011 Author Posted October 5, 2011 Yeah as I said it is not clear cut, I feel like girls should be more honest about the fact that if they just came out of a long relationship they are probably not sure of what they want or what is best, post-breakup is a tricky time... My could have been called a "rebound" actually but he ended up being the love of my life, so who knows right? I'm curious if you took your time to get to know him (if you didn't already know him) or if it was sexual passion from the start.
samphs Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I've known him for a little bit, and we haven't really been intimate, at first we started as friends becasue I had a boyfriend, we just kissed recently since I am still not over my ex completely. I do I feel like I know him better, he talks about himself and his family, work...
Recommended Posts